I am 33F and my partner 35M have been in a relationship for well over 14 years. We have a child together.
I’ve had issues with online cheating for almost the entirety of our relationship. It began a number of years in, I connected with a person online as I was going through some mental olympics that I definitely should’ve looked into. We were living under stressful conditions and instead of being mature enough to talk it through, I used this as my escape. My partner found out but he forgave me and let me back in.
We moved in together and things were rocky between us from time to time. My partner was working long hours and I found myself alone for long periods of time. I was simply selfish at this point because a few years in I found another person to cheat with online. These online relationships never got to a physical point. I was emotionally investing myself and had nothing left for my partner. My partner yet again found out the hard way and we almost didn’t make it through. But he’s such a loving and caring person that he forgave me yet again.
We’ve since moved house a second time and a few years in, I cheated once more. We both have jobs, we were actually making things work 90% of the time and going on holidays for once which was something we couldn’t afford until now. Life wasn’t so bad but for whatever reason, without a care in this world, I repeated this behaviour. This time it all felt very resentful. We’ve had a lot of problems in our relationship, met young, had an unplanned baby, neither of us had a relationship prior, I’d say I wasn’t very present for him in meaningful ways. Well he found out yet again and I think this might be the last straw. There’s just no coming back from this. The trust was long gone, it’s definitely dead now.
Obviously I have issues to work through and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out I need help. I’ve booked in for a referral with the GP to get me in with a psychologist but it’s all too little too late for us.
Really, as much as I’d love to selfishly continue with him by my side and go to couples counseling, I’m actually posting here to figure out how I can help my partner move on from me as I have problems he doesn’t have to deal with. He’s greatly intertwined with me and I need to release him from those shackles as I know he deserves the world with someone else.
