I broke my girlfriends heart, how do I make it up to her and deal with my actions

[Lach]

I broke my Girlfriends heart and trust. Through lying to her about watching porn, multiply times. I really do love this girl, I made so many wrong choices thinking it was okay everyone does it. I cause her so much damage to her mental health. I feel so horrible about what I’ve done to her. Seeing the hurt ache I was causing her really change my whole view on porn, I haven’t look at it since. I realise how terrible it is on a person and a relationship. All I want to do is make it up to her but I don’t how to or think I can. It’s changed the way she looks and thinks about me. She’s so broken because of me. I hate myself for doing that to her. I feel so worthless. I want to show her I’ve change, I’m not like that. What do I do for her? The guilt and the shame of my action are destroying me. I don’t know what to do. I miss what we had before I wrecked everything. I miss her. I want to be better for her but I think it’s too late. I lost this amazing person. She would have done anything for me, all I did in return was destroy her heart. I made her hate me. 

[Croix]

Dear Lach~

Welcome here to the forum.

It is very sad that porn has broken up your relationship, though I suspect lying abut it -though there's great temptation to do so - may have been the worst thing.

It may be unrealistic for you to keep off porn altogether, it is quite possible ot give up lying about it. That in turn may dissuade you from returning to porn if you know each time you wil have to tell the  triuth afterwards.

I think I'd give things one last try, but instead of simply promissing to keep away from porn write a letter on paper, and in it explain the circumstances you started, which were probably before you met her, and that coping mechanism led you to lie out of fear of losing her and embarrasment.

Tell her how you feel about her, and that while you are trying to permanently to give up porn there willl be no more lies ever.

Maybe also say that giving up is not an easy thing, and if she wanted to  help you the chances of success and growing together would be that much create. If she was willing then you could discus exactly how she could help -praise is one obvious strategy.

While thngs may have gone too far to be repaired maybe there is a chance -  hope this helps.

If nothing else this will have made you a wiser and more understanding person who can make someone a better partner in the future..

Croix