I am going nowhere fast

[Loveanimals]

Today marks 17 years since I moved into this house with my then two year old son.  I had escaped a DV situtation and lost my beautiful home, financial freedom and a great deal other.  Moving here was not something I wanted to do and I have been suffering ever since.  It has been 17 years from hell.  I had no support and had to bring up my son on my own.  His father made life incredibly difficult and my son has next to no relationship with him to this day.  I was targeted by users and abusers. I suffered depression but had no help from Doctors or anyone.  I still have the same mortgage I had then.  My son is now 20 and is making life hell as usual.  He is selfish, rude and lazy.  I truly don't see the point in anything.  Nothing improves! Everything just gets worse!  I work at crap retail jobs and I don't see any joy in life other than sleeping.  

I have next to no relationship with family.  They have made it be that way.  I really don't understand how much more I can take.  There is absolutely nothing to look forward to but more of the same rubbish everyday.  

I have tried every thing....absolutely everything.  I have no faith or trust or motivation anymore.  I don't even know why I am here as I refuse to go down the path of medication/counselling/etc etc ad nauseum as I have DONE IT ALL to no avail.  If anyone can relate I would like to hear how you deal.  Thanks. 

[Sophie_M]

 
Hi loveanimals,

Thank you for sharing here. Getting out of a violent relationship while also caring for your two-year-old is an incredibly brave thing to have done and we are so sorry to hear how tough things have been over all these years.

Many of us here can relate to that feeling of trying just about everything but feeling like nothing is working. It can make it hard to maintain hope when it has felt the same for so long. What is keeping you going at the moment? Even something small.
 
After all that you have been through, the last thing you might want is to talk to a counsellor. But, if you ever do want to – please know that the Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you 24/7, even for a once-off chat. You are not alone in this.
 
It is really good that you’ve been able to share this here. It might take some time for our kind community to spot your post, but we’re sure they will soon be here to offer their kind words and understanding.   
 
Kind regards,  
Sophie M