Hello Confused
I'm sorry for your situation. Being betrayed by a spouse is one of life’s most awful experiences. It can shake you right through to your core. Don’t feel stupid about wishing to reconcile. And if you change your mind, don’t feel ashamed of that either.
Usually a betrayed spouse feels shock, numbness as well as anger and hurt. It will take you quite a while to really process your suffering. Be prepared to cycle through several emotions in one day for a long time.
I too have personal experience of marital betrayal and I think you should be aware of a few typical features of betrayal.
Your husband admitted to a single kiss. I doubt that very much. This is a tactic known as minimisation, they only admit what they think you know. Prepare yourself for more revelations (often known as trickle truths). If he was in a relationship for many months and he has deleted messages and scrubbed clean his social media that doesn’t fit well with a single kiss.
You did the RIGHT thing by letting her partner know of her affair. Her partner was also being betrayed and he has a right to know so he can make decisions about his future. Well done, I admire your strength. Letting the partner know is also a good way of knocking your husband out of his affair fog.
Thirdly, the fact your husband continued to have contact with his affair partner eight days after your discovery is not a good sign. You need to be aware.
Your husband now has the responsibility of helping you heal. You need to set clear boundaries and expectations from him and he should be grateful that you are offering him the gift of reconciliation. I would also suggest you ask your husband to attend individual counselling. I’m not suggesting couples counselling because your husband needs to fix himself first.
Reconciliation after betrayal is not easy but it is possible. I wish you well.
