How to cope with break up

[Stormbornn]

Hi,

My ex and i broke up in mid January. Prior to this, he broke up with me in November because he said i was too demanding. I must admit i must be pretty demanding..he lives in America and we chat every day. I get annoyed when we were in the middle of conversation and he would disappear somewhere without telling. He would never let me know the reasons, he would tell me to use my common sense. Nonetheless, i feel like i wasnt respected and that hes being rude whenever he does that.

from November to mid January, we were still talking every day and still acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. The only thing that i didnt like when we were in this gray period was, he always pull the "this is why we are not together" or "you are not my gf" whenever i asked him to reflect on our relationship or whenever i get clingy. In mid January, i decided that i had enough being put in this position. I tried everything i can to improve myself but i dont see him doing the same. So one day in January, i decided to tell him that its over and blocked him from all social media.

In March, guilt ate me. I felt bad ending the relationship that way, and of course, because i still love him. I decided to reach out to him and i wad over the moon when i received a positive response. I am glad that i can talk to him again..eventhough as a friend.

That i guess, is when the trouble started. First couple of weeks, he seemed ok with me messaging him every other day and we would talk about personal daily issues. Until one day, he kept ignoring me. I tried to be patient and texted him less. After one week without text, i decided to check up on him. His response was aggresive, he said he doesnt want to talk to me and that hes very frustrated. He also said hes not interested in listening to my problems (i was telling him my issue that i escaped from my abusive household and going to sleep in the car for the night). He said he wanted to relax and he wanted me to leave him alone. It hurts but i still love him. I decided to contact him another day.

after i sorted out my abusive household issue, i reached out to him. I asked him about his new job and how life is going in general. Hes not too happy with my questions. He asked me why does it matter to me about his job and his life. He accused me of trying to get back together. I told him i care about him and that hes a part of me for 3 years and i thought we could continue being best friends eventhough we are not together. He ignored my replies.

[PamelaR]

Dear Stormbornn

It sounds like you have a lot of things that are difficult in your life at the moment. That is - from breaking up with your boyfriend, sleeping in your car and being in an abusive household. So pleased you've been able to find your way to the Beyond Blue (BB) forums. Welcome!!

Those who respond are not counsellors or therapists, just friendly, caring, supportive and non judgemental people who have experience with mental illness. I'll ask some questions along the way - don't feel like you have to answer. It's just me, trying to think of ways I might be able to help. So the more input I have the better things I can suggest to you. But there is definitely no pressure to answer.

Long distance relationships and those over social media can have there difficulties can't they. When you're not there, you don't feel like you know what exactly is going on. That's very frustrating hey, especially when you don't receive a reply.

You say you've been in the relationship for 3 years. How did you meet? Do you have other interests, e.g. arts, crafts, movies, reading, sports? I just ask because it might be good for you to meet some new people since he is being so evasive. Personally, I'd get out of the relationship. Doesn't sound very healthy for you. From what I'm picking up he's making you anxious.

Are you living at home with your parents or siblings? Do you need any assistance? There are chat lines and help lines if you need to talk with someone:

• BB Support Service - Phone 1300 224 636 24hrs/7days a week

• BB Chat online - 3pm-12pm / 7days a week

• Lifeline - Phone 13 11 14

Get back to us to tell us know you get on.

Kind regards

PamelaR