How Escape Forceful marriage

[Umar]

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m going through an extremely difficult and painful situation, and I honestly don’t know where else to turn. My family is forcing me into a marriage I never chose or wanted. This marriage was arranged when I was just a one-year-old child, long before I could have any say or understanding. Now, as an adult, they expect me to accept it without question—as if I have no right to decide my own future.

They keep telling me that it’s about “family honor” and that refusing the marriage will bring shame not only on me but on everyone in my family. They say I must comply for the sake of our family’s reputation. But this pressure is suffocating me. I feel like I’m losing control over my own life, my own freedom, and my happiness. I am scared and overwhelmed.

What frightens me the most is the threats I’ve been receiving if I say no. They have warned me that I would become a “threat” to the family, and though they haven’t said exactly what that means, I am terrified of the consequences. These threats make me feel unsafe in my own home, and I don’t know who I can trust.

This situation has taken a huge toll on my mental health. I have been having very dark and troubling thoughts, some of which scare me deeply because they feel like a threat to my own life. I feel trapped, isolated, and desperate for support. I want to live a life with dignity, freedom, and peace—not one ruled by fear and coercion.

If anyone has been through something similar, or if you know of any organizations, resources, or advice that could help me navigate this, please share. I am desperate to find a way out or at least to find support and hope.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Your kindness means more than I can express.

[Umar]

Thank you so much for your message. Your words really hit home — they were honest, grounded, and full of care. I felt seen while reading them, and that means more than I can express.

There’s a lot I’ve been carrying — things I haven’t said out loud yet. I have so much on my heart, and I think I could open up and share it with you. If you’re open to it, would it be possible for us to connect privately? I feel like I could speak more freely that way.

Thank you again for reaching out — it gave me a little more strength today.

Warmly,
Umar

[therising]

Hi Umar

With you mentioning that your family wish for you to accept this arranged marriage without question, you have every right to question it. The quest to discover who we truly are and evolve into who we wish to be is a quest that holds many relevant questions, including questions that involve who we're going to evolve with in our life. 

While we can be defined by others as being 'difficult', 'challenging', 'selfish', 'ignorant' and more, it is fair to question who is it that's really being difficult, challenging and self serving while ignoring so much of what needs to be addressed in highly conscious ways. While you are seeking for your family to have an open mind, not fixed around one belief (that you must marry this person), it is also fair that with an open mind they consider the following

• What is the nature of the man you wish for me to marry? Is he a kind and considerate person?
• How well do you know him? Do you wish to marry me off to an abuser who will treat me horribly or someone who will treat me in many positive, supportive and liberating ways?
• Is this going to be an inspiring relationship or a deeply depressing one?
• How much research have you done, regarding this man? Are you going into this blindly, not caring to do any research at all?

These questions are reasonable and if you've asked yourself questions along these lines this then makes you a reasonable person who's family may not care to listen to reason. Unreasonable people who can't offer or accept good reason can end up being a major challenge to not only our mental health but also our soulful wellbeing. 

While we may hear stories about terrible, abusive and harmful arranged marriages, there are also reports of incredibly positive arranged marriages where partners have fallen deeply in love. It would be fair to say to your family 'I cannot marry a terrible, abusive and selfish person. If you have chosen poorly for me, this is your fault not mine. If you have chosen the perfect partner for me I will consider your choice'. 

I'm wondering if you know anything about this man. Could he be feeling the same feelings as you? Is he around the same age? Is he someone worth knowing or someone who you would never choose as a friend, let alone a life partner? Could he be someone who leads you to discover the best in yourself or someone who insists on suppressing so much in you that is longing to come to life? Give yourself the freedom to question your family, while insisting on answers. Give yourself the freedom to research this man yourself. Could he end up being a less cultural thinker, someone who agrees 'We'll see how well we get along first, before even considering marriage'. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey everyone!

Just jumping in with a quick reminder that we are unable to share any personal details here due to our guidelines around keeping the Forums completely anonymous. This includes suggesting to meet up or chat outside of the Forums. 

Thank you for your understanding 🙂

Kind regards
Sophie M

[therising]

Hi Umar

Please excuse my ignorance while not seeing this incredibly challenging situation from a young man's point of view. I was ignoring the possibility that you are a young man, something I realised later after seeing another of your posts. I sincerely apologise.

You've led me to do a bit of research, as my heart breaks for you given your circumstances. The site www.mybluesky.org.au may be able to help give you a sense of direction that offers hope, relief and the guidance you need and deserve. Amongst such guidance in relation to forced marriage is a safety plan for those living under threat of mental, emotional and physical abuse/assault. The site also addresses concerns when it comes to covering your tracks out of fear that someone my find you've been researching their site. 

Again, I wonder about how the other person in this forceful arrangement feels. If she feels the same as you and  if you are able to speak to her, could she find relief in knowing you feel the same way (regarding this not being what you want). Could you end up helping each other through it. If your goal is to make sense of this situation and navigate it just for yourself, as you move through such challenging emotions and thoughts, this is completely understandable.

With all my heart, I hope you find the way forward that provides you with the freedom to be yourself. Personally, I find true love is found in evolution. When others lead us to evolve in ways that help us discover and celebrate the best in our self, they are loving us to life. The same can be said for ourself. If we are researching and leading ourself to evolve through major challenge, we are loving ourself to life. With you now exploring ways of lighting the path ahead, in order for it to become more clear and positive, you are loving yourself. You are loving yourself perhaps more than you know.