Hello Brokenbluecat, and a warm welcome to the site.
It's really sad when someone like you has suffered for so long, that's far too long and I feel so sorry for you.
There are so many others who also fit into this category and sometimes this may cause your children to worry or even to wonder if your behaviour is their fault, it isn't, depression is a powerful illness that anybody can get and at the moment that's what you are struggling from.
Just explain to them that sometimes you may be able to get out of bed, or maybe in bed when they get home, it's not because you don't love them, but this illness puts you into a dark hole where you can't see anything positive and even though there maybe times when you may laugh, this doesn't mean your mood has overcome depression.
There were many times when I could laugh when friends came around but as soon as they left I crawled back into my hole.
Another good way is to book an appointment with your doctor then a psychologist and take the family with you because these are qualified people and can explain what depression is and how it affects you.
I would also click on 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see 'Publications to download or order', which you can do by ringing BB.
In this booklet, it explains depression and all the different types in a way people can understand, then your husband and teenage boys can read it at will.
There may also be someone else the family knows who has gone through this before.
It doesn't mean that you may have everything you want and should be happy so why are you depressed, depression has no barriers, it could affect absolutely anyone at any time.
Sorry my post is long, I certainly didn't want this to happen.
Geoff.
