How do you cope?

[TinyDancer2017]

Hi everyone,

First time posting here but I just needed some advice/coping strategies/to get this out.

I was in a four year relationship with someone I really loved. He encouraged me to give up my job, my flat, basically everything to move to be closer to him. Once I had (irreversibly) given up these things, he called me and said he had changed his mind and didn't feel like he loved me enough to uproot our lives like this. I was absolutely crushed. Even worse, I had to manage the heartbreak while looking for a new job/place to live. This happened a year ago, and I still haven't managed to shake the crippling loneliness that this series of events triggered. My self-esteem is pretty low a lot of the time, and I can't trust my own judgment (how can I trust myself if I believed that he loved me?)

I don't, even for an instant, want to be back with him. But I struggle with feelings of how my life got totally derailed, whereas he - who pulled the plug so suddenly, after I had made these irreversible changes - didn't have to go through any of this upheaval. Even worse, I have panic attacks because I feel like I've wasted my 20s on someone who ultimately didn't care about me... all my friends are married now with children, and at 29 I feel I've lost any chance of this ever happening for me.

Thanks for reading.

I'm now 29 and I have immense panic attacks about having wasted my twenties on someone who doesn't care about me, and

[pvroom]

Hi TinyDancer

I lost myself in a relationship in my early to mid twenties and felt like I completely lost track of who I was. I'm now 34. I regret so many things about that time because I wanted to travel more and live and work overseas and I never got that chance to do it at that age. The biggest thing you can do for yourself is to focus on the kind of person you want to be, and the things you would like to achieve and do. Marriage and kids will come but you will enjoy that more when you have lived for yourself first. Lots of love

[TinyDancer2017]

Thanks so much for your messages and sorry for the delayed response... took the advice of going on a trip, and have been feeling a little better since I got back! I'm trying to work on myself like you suggest. I'm starting to realise my concerns surrounding the end of this relationship might be linked to bigger problems of anxiety/depression so trying to develop some coping mechanisms. Hearing your kind words has really helped me in this process. Thank you!