How do i get over my ex??

[new_beginning]

Its been 7 months since he left but its still as raw as it was day one. So much has happened in the last 7 months to make me want to hate him, for how he has treated me and our children and i hate the things that i have done and person i have become out of hurt and frustration.

During our relationship he cheated on me a number of times, one of those times while i was in labour with our daughter. He has at times made me feel like i was nothing,like our daughter who we planned to have together was nothing and i have given up so much of myself to try and make him happy. But nothing compared to how the last 7 months have been but now im just so lost.

During the last 7 months he has ignored me so much. He hasnt paid a cent towards our daughter, never asks how she is going or my son who looked at him as a father for the last 3 years. Ill be trying to organise a time to see the children with him and ill say something he doesnt like and he will hang up on me (it doesnt have to be something mean directed at him, maybe im busy with something on a particular day so he hangs up) and this has made me so frustrated that i stupidly call him so many times trying to speak to him again. One day i think i called him 100 times.. its so stupid and pathetic but i cant stop myself from doing it.

I just want to be heard and i get so frustrated when he doesnt even try even for the sake of the kids. In the last 7 months he has seen his daughter 5 times.. once even coming to my house to drop something off and she and my son were out the back playing and he didnt even bother to stick his head over the fence to say hi to them. It makes me so angry.

This last weekend i tried to organise a play with my 2 kids and his other daughter as they all miss each other terribly but when i got to his house he had changed his mind and wouldnt let his daughter come play. We argued and i stupidly got out my car and keyed his car (coz its the only thing he really cares about) and ended up with me being thrown on my bum which i deserved as i shouldnt have done it.

I dont know how to stop loving him, for who he used to be. I am struggling to give up on having my whole family back. I want to stop all my stupid actions, its so far from who i really am and feeling the need to tell him how his actions are affecting me when at the end of the day i know he doesnt care.

How can i move past all the hurt and forget about the love, family and hopes and dreams i once had

[Apollo_Black]

"He still says he loves me and wants to be with me but just needs time to sort out his issues"

But it's been 7 months and he's ok with stringing you along, being a crappy father, treating you like crap, looking after himself and having sex with other people....

Please contact a counsellor and seek legal advice

[White_Rose]

Hello New Beginnings

I am sorry I have not replied to you for a little while. Unfortunately life gets turned upside down on occasions and needs a bit of organising.

It seems you are still hoping for a reconciliation with your BF. Look I know how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship. Been there, done that. I came away without my self esteem and a belief that I was worthless and it was my fault that everything had gone wrong. In reality it was not my fault, other than staying, and I have found that I am a worthwhile person.

Bullies and abusers want you to believe you are the one at fault. He would not hit you if you did what he told you. No that's not true. He hurts you and says it's because you 'make' him do it by not working hard enough at your relationship. And all the time he is off doing his own thing, and continuing to hurt you. He is manipulating you and has succeeded so well you believe it's your fault.

You said above you didn't want to get legal advice because it will make things complicated for him. Tough! He's spent a long time making life uncomfortable and complicated for you. You need to look after yourself.

One very important thing I want you to understand about your BF and children. They will grow up thinking women are there to be abused because that's what is being shown to them. So your daughter will grow thinking this is the only sought of life she deserves and your son will grow to believe he can mistreat women as much as he wishes because that's how it works. He may even start assaulting you when he gets older.

Harsh words? Yes indeed, but so true. This is the classic way abuse gets passed on. So if you will not leave for yourself, can you leave for the sake of your children? You've just said (above) that you love your children. Well get legal advice, stop him being around and make your life without him. I know it seems I think this is a simple solution and I know it's not. The longer you leave it the worse it will get.

Take one step at a time. Get legal advice. Then take the next step, using the advice given to you. Write in here every day or more often if it helps. You have been brave in writing in here and brave putting up with such a bully. Now be brave and start a new life.

Mary