Relationship and family issues

Feeling co dependent

replies: 4

I know it's great to take the support of friends but the more anxious I get, the more I feel the urge to contact a friend every time by panic feeling or loneliness feelings intensify. How to take the support of good friends without exhausting them? View more

I know it's great to take the support of friends but the more anxious I get, the more I feel the urge to contact a friend every time by panic feeling or loneliness feelings intensify. How to take the support of good friends without exhausting them?

Partner with possible BPD..I cannot cope!

replies: 7

I have been with my partner coming up to 10 years now. The relationship has never been easy. Never. But it's only in the past few years where I've realised that it's not me that's the problem, it's him, and that the problem is a possible mental illne... View more

I have been with my partner coming up to 10 years now. The relationship has never been easy. Never. But it's only in the past few years where I've realised that it's not me that's the problem, it's him, and that the problem is a possible mental illness. I've begged him to seek help, but he refuses. I've given ultimatums, but he always talks me out of following through. The thing is, it never gets any better, and I fully believe it never will, UNLESS he seeks help. His parents have suggested it's Bipolar, but on further research I believe it's more BPD. My soul has been destroyed. I can not be me around him, because no matter what, nothing I do is 'right' or good enough. I am constantly walking on egg shells and I am only truly happy when he is not around, and I dread being around him. But when he is happy, I know I love him, and things can be good, for a few days. The sad thing is is that there are far more bad days than there are good days, and when there are good days, I'm dreading the inevitable bad days. It can be something as small as me wearing makeup when he feels it's unnecessary, making him think that I'm wearing it for someone else, but on other days it could be because I didn't wear makeup making him think I'm letting myself go. From this example you can see I'm constantly in a no-win situation, and I'm sick of being left guessing as to what is appropriate at any given minute of any given day. I feel unloved, unappreciated, constantly alone and invisible. He refuses to communicate with me, yet expects me to communicate fully with him (to have it twisted and used against me as he sees fit). His mental illness is making our relationship abusive, and as much as I want to be there for him and help him get better, I don't think I can unless he does so himself. BUT I am scared. I am scared to walk away from the relationship, because I don't know how he will react. He will want to seek revenge, he will want to hurt me as much as he feels I've hurt him (because he doesn't SEE that he is the one hurting me first). I don't know what to do or how to handle it. Most of all, I feel broken and defeated. Yet again, there is a no-win situation, but I know I need to do something, because it's my mental health and sanity that is now being affected, and he couldn't give two hoots.

Inner battle

replies: 5

For myself having depression on the best of days sucks and to make it worse its something that seems to run on both sides of the family. The hardest part tho is i feel two parts to me the outer me trying to go day to day and the inner me which is scr... View more

For myself having depression on the best of days sucks and to make it worse its something that seems to run on both sides of the family. The hardest part tho is i feel two parts to me the outer me trying to go day to day and the inner me which is screaming and screaming and even abuses me and puts me down that i get to a point i get confused and selfish feel no quilt. Which sadly goes to me thinking im not worth the time and day and some stage my partner will be sick of me so i go out of my way to destroy what i have and im at a loss.

I feel like I am losing the plot/sabotaging my relationship because I am anxious/depressed

replies: 2

Hi all, I have had a couple of bouts of anxiety and depression since I was a teenager(3/4) and I feel that the way I am behaving now may be the sign I am in another. I have been in this relationship for near 17 years now(since school) and this past 6... View more

Hi all, I have had a couple of bouts of anxiety and depression since I was a teenager(3/4) and I feel that the way I am behaving now may be the sign I am in another. I have been in this relationship for near 17 years now(since school) and this past 6 months have been a testing time for us. We moved to the otherside of the world (UK to Australia) and we do like it here. But my issues are now boiling up due to a lack of communication on my part and worries which my partner doesn't pick up on when I attempt to talk about it. Its my own fault because I don't articulate myself very well to him. I think I am always worried that if I tell him all that I will lose him. (not been cheating, its more my fears, worries and financial status. As well as our daughter) I am making myself so ill because of it and today I lost the plot over something so small that then escalated into me calling him horrid names, telling him i hated him and that I was taking our daughter and going home (to England). The thing is I don't know why I did it. I mean he went out with our daughter because i felt unwell, (so to give me space) and I texted him these awful things. What is wrong with me? I do love him and I want to be with him, (I wouldnt have quit my job and uprooted if I didnt) I have never felt as mentally drained as I do now) He is so mad (every right to be) and I dont know what to do. He looks so defeated that I think he has now drawn the line under the relationship. I am here today to ask for advice on what I should do. Part of me feels like giving up (Im embarrassed because he screenshotted the messages and sent them to his mum, who has never thought I was good enough for her son) so I feel this will full more there, but also because I think he can do better. but the other half is like, you have spent 17 years with this man, you love him and you have a daughter together. I am super down about the fact I cant seem to get a job in my field and that has been so hard because I havent done any other work in 15 years (I am an ODP in the uk and I was told we could work here, but Sydney seems to not have any jobs for my skill set) I dont have the money to retrain and I cant convert my qualifications to nursing. So I just feel so emotionally/ mentally exhausted. Sorry for venting. any advice to get me out of this funk and seeing clearly, would be appreciated.

end of the road

replies: 5

Hey,well i wrote out my story to post and i was 7000 characters over the limit! guess I've got a lot on my mind. So here's the short version, 8 years into a relationship, 1 year into a marriage, my wife suddenly seemed to change, and didn't like thin... View more

Hey,well i wrote out my story to post and i was 7000 characters over the limit! guess I've got a lot on my mind. So here's the short version, 8 years into a relationship, 1 year into a marriage, my wife suddenly seemed to change, and didn't like things about my character. She'd lost her mum 2 years before, and seemed to get down into a bit of a hole after that I was concerned enough at the time to suggest seeing someone about it, she didn't take it up. She's always had her ups and downs, but about a year ago it just seemed to increase and just keep on going on a slippery slope. It didn't matter what I said, she would have a negative spin on it. Not just me and her but everything about her life, disappointment in work, disappointment in friends, disappointment in family, feeling disconnected to people and that she hadn't achieved enough in her life ( only 29 and had achieved a PHD, unfortunately the dream job didn't follow ). Out of nowhere we started fighting, when we never had before hand for years, and she continued down the slope. Many job rejections followed, and she ended up saying she wanted to kill herself (not in a joking manner, in a i'm really concerned and worried manner) after one rejection and broke down. Not long after this she was looking for many escapes from our life together, all sorts of trips away. But ended up taking off on a drive around the country. While she was away she called me on day and said if we are going to continue our relationship i need to tell you something. She told me she was in love with one of her co-workers and had been ready to leave me but they had told her she needed marriage counseling.We kept talking from here until one day she told me she had no energy for our relationship and that she just couldn't give me what i needed. We kept trying to work things out after that and she eventually came home for a period......and started to try doing a course at home.....but couldn't get into and took a job away..she'd finally started to admit that maybe something else was going on there could be some depression, ie seeing a psychologist looking at beyond blue..but at this point,she's told me she wants to be alone and has no energy for the relationship, needs to focus on herself and has moved her stuff out of the house,i think my marriage is over.She's told me she has doubts in everything,but that includes me and can't live with the doubt that maybe there is someone else.I'm feeling lumped in to all the bad feelings.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Help needed! (Trigger warning: family violence)

replies: 2

I need to get help, but I just can't get past the first step. My life feels like it is falling apart, I do not know or like the woman I have become. Would you forgive your husband if he punched you once after you punched him repeatedly? All I ever se... View more

I need to get help, but I just can't get past the first step. My life feels like it is falling apart, I do not know or like the woman I have become. Would you forgive your husband if he punched you once after you punched him repeatedly? All I ever seem to do is yell and scream at my kids, I hate it and I hate myself. I don't know what to do, my 5 year old daughter's heart is broken as I told my husband to leave today, I don't want to break her heart but what about mine? I feel like I want him to stay as I can't cope with my three children alone, but that isn't healthy or right, I am raising my three beautiful children around anger, resentment and hatrid, and they deserve more then that. Sorry for my rambling, I just have no one to turn to, I am always the one who listens to others, I feel like I always try and be there for others but no one has ever actually been there for me, and I find it so hard to open up about my feelings and what has been happening in my life. Thank you xo

So confused

replies: 2

Hello! I'm hoping to get some advice.. my first marriage ended in divorce. We had a child who was 1. He cheated for 12 months with a girl and left for her. They are still together 6 yrs later. I remarried quickly. I great guy who I love deeply. 3 mon... View more

Hello! I'm hoping to get some advice.. my first marriage ended in divorce. We had a child who was 1. He cheated for 12 months with a girl and left for her. They are still together 6 yrs later. I remarried quickly. I great guy who I love deeply. 3 months ago I asked him who he chats to on his phone (text messaging). I knew it was a girl from his work but I asked anyway. He literally stood up and told me he's moving out. i couldn't afford the rent so I've packed up my two kids (one to each husband) and moved in with my nan two hours drive away. I've had to leave my job. Shortly after the break up we went on a family holiday which had been booked for 6 months before we split. He spent most of his time texting her. Now he's making an effort. He visits and does say he want to try to get back together. Duting the week he doesn't talk to me. He doesn't ask how I'm setting in here. Seems like he has nothing to talk to me about. I am so paranoid about his "close" friendship with this girl it's driving me crazy. I don't know anyone here, I have no job and all I really have left is my kids. I'm lucky that I have them but I think I've let them down being from a broken family. My son has seen me dumped twice now. I don't know where to go from here. I want to be with my husband again but his relationship is eating me up.

My adult son......

replies: 12

I have a 21yr old son whom has been in trouble since early teens. He has in the past committed crimes, spent time in jail, self harmed done drugs and cannot hold down a job. He has anger issues and when confronted with any situation he doesn't like f... View more

I have a 21yr old son whom has been in trouble since early teens. He has in the past committed crimes, spent time in jail, self harmed done drugs and cannot hold down a job. He has anger issues and when confronted with any situation he doesn't like flies off his rocker. His anger has always scared me. My husband and he dislike each other and so I have been a referee for years. We've spent countless hours and thousands on phycologists but nothing has worked. He lays about all day staying up all night. He has moved in and out of home several times. I am so tired he makes me think aweful things just so I no longer have to deal with him anymore. My husband is away alot sometimes for months and I've raised 2 boys a majority of the time alone. He blames everyone else for his situation and problems, nothing is ever his fault. My husband just gets angry calls him lazy and wants to kick him out. I don't want my son living on the street and that is where he will end up as he has nowhere else to go. Centrelink won't give him money due to him living at home according to them his father earns too much. I am also responsible for my elderly grandmother and disabled 65yr old uncle whom thank goodness have care homes where they are safe and warm. My sons constant problems with life in general have got me down in the past almost to suicide. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Coping with jealous husband

replies: 5

Hi I was seeking some opinions with dealing with a jealous husband. I have a male work colleague that has asked to car pool to work which I did once now my husband has demanded it stop. I have never cheated and for 27 years have deliberately not gone... View more

Hi I was seeking some opinions with dealing with a jealous husband. I have a male work colleague that has asked to car pool to work which I did once now my husband has demanded it stop. I have never cheated and for 27 years have deliberately not gone out or had many friends due to his jealously. I have told him it hurts that he doesn't trust me. Am I in the wrong for the car pooling?

Anxiety about sleeping next to my partner.

replies: 3

Hi All. First post here, but I am becoming desperate. My partner and I have been together for about 8 years. After some initial teething problems about sharing a bed I was fine for years. 2 years ago he moved out. We got back together but stayed livi... View more

Hi All. First post here, but I am becoming desperate. My partner and I have been together for about 8 years. After some initial teething problems about sharing a bed I was fine for years. 2 years ago he moved out. We got back together but stayed living apart until about 4 weeks ago. During this time he would still come and stay on weekends and holidays and I slept no problem at all. Now it is a completely different story. I am still ok on the weekends, but during the week is a nightmare. He has a "bedtime" of 10pm which I struggle with. His snoring drives me nuts. I try to sleep on the couch but I can still hear him snoring and its anything but comfortable. I have spoken to him about the possibility of seperate beds but he takes that all too personally and thinks I dont want to sleep with him. He says that if I can sleep next to him on the weekends then there is no reason I cant do it during the week. In a way I do agree, but there are less stresses on the weekends, we go to bed later, we dont have to get up for work in the morning. I am averaging falling asleep about 3.30am and have to get up at 6 and it is killing me. I dont know if anyone can help or if this is just me venting, but thanks for reading.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Feeling co dependent

replies: 4

Partner with possible BPD..I cannot cope!

replies: 7

Inner battle

replies: 5

I feel like I am losing the plot/sabotaging my relationship because I am anxious/depressed

replies: 2

end of the road

replies: 5

Help needed! (Trigger warning: family violence)

replies: 2

So confused

replies: 2

My adult son......

replies: 12

Coping with jealous husband

replies: 5

Anxiety about sleeping next to my partner.

replies: 3

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Feeling co dependent replies: 4

Partner with possible BPD..I cannot cope! replies: 7

Inner battle replies: 5

I feel like I am losing the plot/sabotaging my relationship because I am anxious/depressed replies: 2

end of the road replies: 5

Help needed! (Trigger warning: family violence) replies: 2

So confused replies: 2

My adult son...... replies: 12

Coping with jealous husband replies: 5

Anxiety about sleeping next to my partner. replies: 3

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Feeling co dependent

replies: 4

Partner with possible BPD..I cannot cope!

replies: 7

Inner battle

replies: 5

I feel like I am losing the plot/sabotaging my relationship because I am anxious/depressed

replies: 2

end of the road

replies: 5

Help needed! (Trigger warning: family violence)

replies: 2

So confused

replies: 2

My adult son......

replies: 12

Coping with jealous husband

replies: 5

Anxiety about sleeping next to my partner.

replies: 3