FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

How can they move on so fast

Tinalea20
Community Member

It’s been 3 and a half mths since we broke up from a 4 yr relationship, I have just found out he is talking to other women. I can’t even look at another man. I’m heart is broken, but suppose you don’t ask questions if you might not like that answer. I’m having trouble dealing with this, how can he move on so fast.

12 Replies 12

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Tinalea20~

I've not been able to find all your posts however if you are talking about "J" then things are a bit clearer, if however I've missed something my apologies.

I guess the first thing to say is if both persons felt love for each other and invested emotionally heavily in the relationship then the chances are they would not have split up -under normal circumstances of course.

In the case of J it seems from what I did read that he was taking advantage of you al the way down, expecting you to do the household chores and using you money, without effort other than self indulgence on his part. Abusing you for not doing things he should be doing himself.

You on the other hand tried to make it work and initially at least loved him.

So when you broke up he had lost a servant, you had lost a love. (I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, I know it hurts). Your trusting and loving nature had led you into this relationship, and so of course it is heart-breaking when it stops. Heart-break can take a very long time to start to heal

He simply has the inconvenience of finding a fresh person to make his life comfortable.

You deserve someone so much better, one that appreciates and returns your care. You are well rid of J.

I hope the practical aspects of separation are sorting out OK for you.

May I ask if you have anyone to give you support, a family member or friend perhaps the you can talk with? It can help.

Croix

confirmed08
Community Member

Hi Tinalea20

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. I too am going through a similar but far inferior situation (having only been together for a year), so I can somewhat relate and sympathise with you. you don’t deserve this treatment or to feel how you are right now, I’m sure of that. I pray things take a turn for the better for you, I have no doubt they will.

I’m really sorry that I cannot be of any assistance. much love to you, we’re all behind you and I’m sure there will be many people here to support you.

Tinalea20
Community Member
Hi thank you for your reply, no I have no one. I find it hard making friends, it hurts me that I have no one. I go to work and come home that’s my life.

Hi thank you also for you reply, I really need support at this time. I’m sick of feeling like I’m worthless.

I know too well right now how you feel, I truly hope you do find the support you’re deserved of Tinalea20 x

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Tinalea, I'm sorry this has happened and this really depends on who was the person that broke up your relationship, if it was him, there he wouldn't care who or when he wanted to contact other ladies or alternatively if it was you then he may feel exactly the same.

There could be a special person who's been waiting for this to happen but is too shy to ask you out.

You can't consider yourself to be anything but special because whatever happened may not be your fault and could only be minor and easily rectified.

My best.

Geoff.

Hi Tinalea20,

I'm sorry to hear your break-up is causing you to feel so hurt and alone. It is really difficult to understand how someone who claimed to love you can move on so quickly, though I suspect some people just don't actually feel very deeply or maybe they are just more resilient and 'bounce back' more quickly.

I can relate to the 'I go to work and come home that’s my life' comment as I did that for well over a year after my break-up. It does get better and gradually you begin to find interest in other things - it gets too exhausting to dwell.

I found talking on BB helped a lot (I didn't have anyone to talk to about it) and making achievable projects for myself that required super concentration. Writing things down and positive self-talk. Eventually re-connecting with family and friends who I had let slide during the relationship. I say all of these things as a way to give you some ideas that might help.

It's tough for you to be going through this. You are not worthless, your ex just wasn't able to see your worth and that's on him.

Hugs.

WF

I’m taking one day at a time, I hate having feelings,

Tinalea20
Community Member
There might be a secret someone, but it’s too soon for me, I’m having trouble getting over the fact he is moving on so fast.