Helping an ex-pertner

[HelloThere]

Hello everyone.

 So, myself and my partner (of 4 years) split up 6 weeks ago.  This past 10 months or so with him have been hard as he had become distant, gone off sex and was constantly tired.  Alarm bells started ringing for me and eventually he started seeing a therapist.  A couple of weeks after he started seeing this therapist I found out that he had cheated on me, and therefore we split up.  

 The split was not an angry one, but more of a therapy session as he explained his depression to me.  He found it financially hard to pay for the therapies and so I gave him money to help him out.  He cried his eyes out whilst I drove him home I had never seem him cry before.

 Couple of weeks passed and we didn't really speak with the exception of sorting our money out from a house we had previously moved out of having lived together for a year.  We went to the footy final, agreed to meet up the week after which we did as well as the week after.  The meetings were nice, and when I walked in his face light up and he hugged me straight away. 

In the 2nd meeting he opened up to me about his emotions and his therapy, something he hadn't previously done.  After the 3rd meet up, wasn't so much a date than a catch up.  Since then things have gone quiet, he will reply to messages but they are short.  Although he has apologised a few times for his short replies and has told me "he is not seeing someone else".

I don't have depression so I cannot understand what is going on here; can anyone help?

I am here for him, but I am looking to move on as I cannot hang around and get hurt.

[Neil_1]

Hello hello there (that’s an odd way of starting)  🙂

Welcome to B.B.

I’ve gotta ask straight up – what are you hoping for with this?   You’ve mentioned that you have been split up for 6 weeks, and leading up to that time, you had some alarm bells sounding for you also.   He owned up to some extra-curricular behaviour.

You say you are here for him – but is that what he is wanting?

My question to you is probably answered by:   I’m hoping for us to get back together?   But I think perhaps the writing is on the wall with these little meetings you’ve been having of late – in how quickly his enthusiasm has dropped in those meetings and his general demeanour and communication.

It doesn’t sound like it’s much fun for you at this time and as easy as it is for me to say this, it might well be time for you to move on.  But again, these are just my thoughts from an outside point of view – and I may have even got confused with some of what’s been happening.

Would love to hear back from you though.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

HelloThere, I think that you have answered your own question, 'I am looking to move on as I cannot hang around and get hurt', and from what you have said you will get hurt with the possibility of being dragged around, so in order for you to move away from this you need to move on, especially if you haven't had depression, because falling to the illness is something you don't want to get, it will wipe out a great deal of your life, and suffer the consequences, so look after yourself.

He has cheated on you and that's why you separated, so look after yourself. Geoff. x