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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Blackhole I don/t know where to turn
  • replies: 1

Just returned fro the trip of my life that has turned int an absolute nightmare. My partner and I embarked on a 42 day trip of Europe and after 2 days on the river cruise sector I suffered heart failure that layed me up for 3 days in bed. after that ... View more

Just returned fro the trip of my life that has turned int an absolute nightmare. My partner and I embarked on a 42 day trip of Europe and after 2 days on the river cruise sector I suffered heart failure that layed me up for 3 days in bed. after that it was a struggle but I kept going with our itinerary which included driving a motorhome across France. Then making lots of connections to catch trains and planes for rest of the trip. I did have some issues, not helped by over zealous security persons in England. and I suppose I was'n't always the cheerful carefree person that I normally am . On return to Australia, my partner said she was leaving me, no discussion just that she wanted to travel more and I am "not up tp it" she walked out on me and as a consequence I can no longer to rent the house we were in and I have spent the last few weeks in Hospital after being diagnosed with damage to my heart (I suppose it's broken in more ways than one) I returned home from hospital to find she has taken her stuff and with no idea where she,s gone. I am visited up to twice a day by community nurses for treatment and I honestly can't see any way out of my situation. spoke to the local Mental health team but they just said " it will pass" I really don't feel it's worth the effort any more, talk about kicking the dog while he's down !

Shez_ I'm not coping when my partner leaves (long distance relationship)
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've suffered from depression for a few years but only diagnosed last year when my mum practically dragged me out of bed to see my GP. I've been on medication since although it was trial and error for a while. I've got to see a psychiatrist but i... View more

Hi, I've suffered from depression for a few years but only diagnosed last year when my mum practically dragged me out of bed to see my GP. I've been on medication since although it was trial and error for a while. I've got to see a psychiatrist but it has been hard to get an appointment. I manage ok day to day, Although the everyday stresses of running a household and raising 2 children on my own often overwhelm me. I've been having a lot of issues with my depression recently. I have a bf and we have been together for 4 years. We currently live 3 hours apart. We used to travel to each others houses often until I moved out of my parents house as I found a landlord willing to rent to me with 2 children and 2 large indoor dogs. He changed his work roster so that he had a chunk of days off together so he could come down for a few days to a week at a time. I love him being here and I have repeatedly asked him to move in but the area I live in does have suitable work for him available and it would be drastically changing his income for the worst. We did search for a house to rent in his area but there was not a chance without references even then the dogs pretty much eliminated us..We plan to buy in the future but we are still a few years from that. So long story short- we currently cannot live together. The more he stays here the more I struggle when he leaves. It started out with all my old depression symptoms coming back slightly. I struggled to sleep, I couldnt concentrate, I was moody, snappy and in general sad. This last week after he left was by far was the worst. It feels like it did when I originally was taken to the drs. I cant concentrate, I've had a persistent headache for the last 4 days.I cant get to sleep, when I do sleep I have horrific nightmares. One of them was so realistic I got up and put every knife in my house in a cupboard that i need a stepladder to get into so that I couldnt impulsively do something stupid. I wake up exhausted, I feel like a horrible mum. I'm always tired and angry, I don't know what my poor kids must think when I get angry one second and burst into tears the next. (my parents have had my kids for the last few days because of this) I booked another appointment to see my GP but I cant get in for 2 weeks. I'm really just over this. I have started to question my relationship as I cant stand the lows when he goes back home. I know that missing him triggers all this horrible stuff. Is there a way to cope with a situation like this?

Outandabout Breaking up with a friend
  • replies: 3

How do you cope with a friend breaking up with you? My best friend of 10 years and I have recently gone through very similar traumatic experiences with our families. In the past she was my go to girl with everything, work, friends and family and I wa... View more

How do you cope with a friend breaking up with you? My best friend of 10 years and I have recently gone through very similar traumatic experiences with our families. In the past she was my go to girl with everything, work, friends and family and I was to her. We would help each other through everything. We did everything together. We have been there for each other for the start of this but things have changed. I still need her love and support but she no longer wants it from me...she has cut me off. How do you get over a friend dumping you?? I live in a small town and have no other friends that live in the area. It has surprised me the feelings I have felt with her telling me she no longer want me to be apart of what she is going through...but still wants to stay friends, she still wants me around as a friend. I still need her love and support, but I know she will no longer give it to me. I'm finding it hard to leave the house, to focus on anything else. I have lost interest in everything and can't stop thinking about it. I know that the solution would be to go out and make new friends, find a hobby, but that is easier said than done... She still wants to be friends and have me around...how do I proceed and not stuff up the friendship further, now that she has stated that she doesn't want to loose me as a friend?? I do not want to break this delicate relationship. Any ideas? Help or similar situations??

firemacca Why are people so cruel and hurtful
  • replies: 1

2 years ago my father died after a long battle with lung cancer, he was 82. He was so brave and his attitude was remarkable. To watch him suffer in those final days was unbearable. The last night of his life I spent alone with him in hospital, I cant... View more

2 years ago my father died after a long battle with lung cancer, he was 82. He was so brave and his attitude was remarkable. To watch him suffer in those final days was unbearable. The last night of his life I spent alone with him in hospital, I cant explain how hard that was to see him in immense pain and my thoughts of ending his suffering. The next day he took his last breaths, with me, my mother and my then wife, by his side. Its still hard to think about it but I have known many, many others have gone and will go through the same. At the same time as this was happening I learnt I had melanoma. It was something out of the blue but I was lucky. I was watching the TV show "RPA" and saw someone who thought they had a blood blister under their toenail. To cut it short, within 2 weeks I had my big toe amputated and the doctor talking about checking if or how far it had spread. This was just the most frightening thing to happen to me. As I said I was lucky, not only picking it up out of the blue but it hadnt spread ( so far anyway). Then on the day the good news came that the cancer hadnt spread, my marriage of 12 years fell apart. It was the last straw for me. I have suffered depression for most of my adult life and this just sent me to the brink. This was my 3rd marriage, I have a beautiful 19 yo daughter from my second marriage and 4 wonderful children, aged from 5 to 12 yo, to my last wife. This last 18 mths has been the darkest of my life. I have voluntarily gone to hospital 3 times in that period. The last time they tried ECT on me. I never want to go through that again, ever. The support I got from my family, friends and work was unbelievable. I cant thank them enough and I know how hard this was for them to have to listen to someone day in day out who has no confidence, no energy, no hope. Im ok now, im on medication and regulary see my doctor and counsellor but the divorce has been a terrible thing to go through. My ex wife stopped access to my kids and I had to resort to court to get access back. She claimed she was concerned for them and that I would hurt myself and worse hurt them. They never were or ever will be at risk from me, I adore my kids and would never hurt them. The pain of losing the one you love and have worked so hard with to make a life for is indescribable, not only losing the house but now having to see her with someone else and that person, who has only been in their lives for the last six months, spending more time with them than me. The only times I could see them over the last 12-18 months was an occassional weekend, until she would decide I couldnt and then I only saw them at sports or before school. To be pulled aside by the school principal and asked why you are at school and then being told to not be on school grounds is just sad. Anyway 3 weeks ago, after tens of thousands of dollars I had court approved time reinstated. My kids are now happy and love seeing me. My relationship with my ex wife is non existant. I had to endure snide remarks at soccer towards me and being humiliated in front of my kids. At one point I was mocked by her boyfriend with her behind him laughing about my ECT treatment in hospital all in front of my children and me not being able to do anything about it. I get text messages from her and her friends mocking my depression and being called a child and being pathetic for getting emotional. Someone said to me the other day that I still havent had time to mourn my dads passing with everything thats happened since, maybe their right. I miss him terribly but my mum is feeling it worse, so I try and support her as much as I can. A few months after his death my then wife said, "get over it your not the only one to loose someone". She had lost her Grand mother 15 years before so she thought I should not still be emotional about it. Why are some people so cruel??? I will always have this terrible thing, depression, I just need to be strong and get help when I need it. Im not afraid to say I suffer from it anymore but there are some out there who still want to belittle those of us who do.

just_managing Sitting On A Fence
  • replies: 2

Where to start?..... Right now I don't feel like I'm myself at all. I have two gorgeous little girls who I love to pieces (23mths and 7 months), both with a moderate hearing loss (genetics) - just makes parenting that little bit tougher I suppose....... View more

Where to start?..... Right now I don't feel like I'm myself at all. I have two gorgeous little girls who I love to pieces (23mths and 7 months), both with a moderate hearing loss (genetics) - just makes parenting that little bit tougher I suppose.... their father (my current partner) is someone who I'm realising that I don't really "like"... I don't feel supported or valued, nor treated as an equal, I'm just someone for him to snap at, criticise, argue with. We can't work out anything without a drama and often things don't get resolved... so things fester and reappear later. He's not interested in relationship counselling at all... he's already been through it with his ex-wife - and I'm beginning to see why their marriage didn't work out. I'm so angry with myself for getting into this situation (not about my girls though - NEVER!) - as if I do decide to leave him, my girls will suffer. I'm soooo tired of feeling down in the dumps, having to dust myself off and think "Things will get better", being told that I'm taking things too much to heart... well.... I have feelings.... I can't just ignore how I feel... Our relationship was a bit of a rebound thing at the start.... (why I'm angry with myself) ... I was married before to an older guy (15yrs) and we clicked in all ways, but he turned around and told me he didn't want more kids (he has two). I met current partner not long after we split - for comfort I suppose and thought the world of him... how people change. Anyway- so I now really feel as though I have a bit of depression - I'm not myself, tired, not enthusiastic about anything, very short with my eldest, generally unhappy with life (not suicidal at all - just disappointed with it) and thinking I should pursue some advice about it. I've told my parents and my sister about how things are, they are very supportive of whatever I decide, now I've got to get off the fence and decide what I want/need to do.

madhatterteys grieving
  • replies: 2

i have just found out that i have a baby out there by child support i knew my child was gonna be born soon but didnt relize the ex was that evil that i never even got a message from her . I do have a dvo out on me because of her but it was because he... View more

i have just found out that i have a baby out there by child support i knew my child was gonna be born soon but didnt relize the ex was that evil that i never even got a message from her . I do have a dvo out on me because of her but it was because her whole family was attacking me from all sides trying to get me to snap ,once the brother told me the sex of my child i lost it and said verbal threats which i didnt mean i have seeked professional help to battle depression and anger but i feel that everything is going through my mind so fast that i havnt time to think i sometimes wish i wouldnt wake up every day but i do i double dose on my meds just to calm myself down not worrying about the circumstances my ex as far as i know doesnt want me to have any part of this childs life as she tryed to put the unborn baby on the davo as well

Mick Kicked in the guts
  • replies: 5

After supporting my wife through attempting suicide twice,taking nearly 3 months off work cashing in my long service so she can take the time needed for her to get back and when I'm back at work on the second day she rings and says we need to separat... View more

After supporting my wife through attempting suicide twice,taking nearly 3 months off work cashing in my long service so she can take the time needed for her to get back and when I'm back at work on the second day she rings and says we need to separate.25 years of marriage 3 great kids and she isn't in love with me any more ! How is a bloke supposed to feel.i wish I knew because that is the hardest part I don't know how i feel.everyone says are you ok but I don't know how I feel.we went to a relationship councillor only to find she wants emotional space..I don't even know what this is.she wants to live in the same house but not have a relationship with me.financially and for the kids I can understand this but I don't know what I do or where I go from here.i just hope it gets clearer but I just don't know.

Toots87 Can't seem to find my happy self again
  • replies: 5

Hello, just wanted to share my story and seek some advice. I'm 26. A mother and usually a very positive and happy person. I guess the reason for this post is, recently I haven't been able to find my happy self. I've just been through a break up with ... View more

Hello, just wanted to share my story and seek some advice. I'm 26. A mother and usually a very positive and happy person. I guess the reason for this post is, recently I haven't been able to find my happy self. I've just been through a break up with the father of my daughter. We were together 3 and a half years. We had trouble throughout our relationship. We'd fight, due to disagreements mainly caused by his temper and negativity. We've been through a whirlwind, of breaking up and getting back together. He's cheated in the past. Basically I ended the relationship after a regular argument. I'd had enough of the way he spoke to me. It was very disrespectful. Even more recently, my family has gone through something where a lot of childhood secrets have now come about. I've learned and remembered some things I wish I never knew from when I was a child. Now going through this as well as the breakup has really taken it's toll on me. I'm finding it hard to motivate at work. I don't wake up happy anymore. I'm always upset. I don't know what else to do.

Kmac I pushed my husband away
  • replies: 3

My husband and I were together for 8 years and married for 1.5. We have 2 children together (under 6). I'm not really sure when my depression started. I remember after our 2nd child there were some signs. But it was after our wedding I shut down. I h... View more

My husband and I were together for 8 years and married for 1.5. We have 2 children together (under 6). I'm not really sure when my depression started. I remember after our 2nd child there were some signs. But it was after our wedding I shut down. I had nothing to focus all of my energy into. If i was feeling down before the wedding, I just concentrated on planning which helped me focus my feelings on something positive. I felt increasing lonely and distant from my husband. I spent a lot of times online, chatting to friends but not connecting to the person who should have been closest to me. He became busier at work and seemed to spend more time away from home. He asked me often what was wrong but I just fobbed it off, because i couldn't explain why i felt so sad or lonely without a good excuse for feeling this way. I felt as though my issues and feelings weren't important. He had stresses at work and i didn't want to add to that. 4 months ago, my husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore. I was crushed. My dreams of a happy family were shattered. He moved out and stayed with a friend of ours (who he also worked with). I knew he had left because I shut him out and made him feel unimportant and unloved. It was at this time when i couldn't stop crying and found it hard to get out of bed in the mornings, that i went to my GP and was diagnosed with Depression and placed on medication. I knew if i wanted a chance to get my husband to come home, i had to admit i had an issue and make positive changes. I enrolled to study and read books and online blogs as i tried to understand why i had felt the way i did, why i thought i had to shut out my loving husband. We decided we would try to fix things and i thought things were going well until i received an annonymous phone call to say my husband was having an affair with the 'friend' he had been staying with. I confronted him and he denied it all. Then a few days later he admitted that she had told him that she had feelings for him and they had shared an emotional embrace which led to a kiss. He swore that was all that had happened. Again I was shattered, but after all of the hard work i had done to get better for my family, i wasn't willing to let this destroy us. I asked him to cut all ties with her and work to get our marriage back. He agreed at first and moved back in but after a week away from work, he returned and nothing had really changed. He stayed at home for 2 weeks before he became upset with me again and told me he 'couldn't do this' and moved out (luckily not with her). Now he is angry and can't understand why I was shutting him out and i so feel guilty for destroying our marriage and my family. I feel rejected, exhausted and unloved. I have never before doubted the trust i have in him. I have overwhelming feelings of being 'not good enough' and that he must really hate me to be willing to leave our 2 beautiful children behind. He volunteers within our community and shows so much compassion to others and I feel like he has none for me and my fight with depression. He understands what it means to be depressed but can't seem to see that this was they cause or forgive me for pushing him away. I don't know what to do next.

roddor OH DEAR!!
  • replies: 2

I was in a relationship i am glad that i am no longer in tho i am struggling is prolly an understatement and a half.. i have lost the plot well and truely and have no interest in continuing .. i was too late to leave this person and i am so f*&**ed u... View more

I was in a relationship i am glad that i am no longer in tho i am struggling is prolly an understatement and a half.. i have lost the plot well and truely and have no interest in continuing .. i was too late to leave this person and i am so f*&**ed up its not funny , i tried to forget the horrors and be normal and do normal day things but that lasted till last week and now i have lost the plot... i noted in my diary the day i knew i had totally lost any concepts of being ok.. i have not slept for 3 days... i am rambling .. thats where im at OH DEAR.. where is this going to end!!