Dear SouperDad~
Welcom to the forum and thanks for your post.
I can think of a couple of things to say, the first being you have done a simply amazing job, having been off alcohol and cigs for a year. That is a mighty thing. This is made even more impressive having come from a family where it is normal to drink and smoke too much.
That sense of responsibility and love for your son shows you are a pretty decent sort too.
I guess maybe being away from your family was one of the things that let you stop. I know myself even giving up the smokes would have been impossible if there had been others around that kept on going.
Once an impression is formed it's hard to get people to see things differently. If your family has seen you under the weather each time you met over the years then that would tend to be their normal 'impression' of you.
If you were around them on a daily basis all the time nowadays I expect thongs would change, but you live interstate, so that is not going to happen.
You hinted that one of the reasons they did not want to accept things is because of their own problems and maybe you were 'showing them up'. That's hard to beat. There is of course the possibility that another family member will want to follow in your footsteps and give up the booze. That could make for a common bond and at least one member would see you differently.
You said you thought it hurtful that your son has to see you disrespected. I'm not sure I agree. To have a sober loving dad is a big thing, if your son has that you have done something pretty marvelous. If as time goes on he sees others with obvious faults don't treat you with the respect you deserve then I think you will be able to help him draw the right conclusions about them.
In time things may change. I'm speaking for myself when I say having a grandson is a pretty good means of getting a family together.
We'd be interested if you posted some more and said how you were going
Croix
