Heart crushing moment.

[Ms_Weeza]

HEART CRUSHING MOMENT

You've been really supportive to your mate, through everything, so you send them a love song "truly, madly deeply" by savage garden. Real soul tapping love stuff. They play it, as they are next to you and....nothing. Then they go off to play a game with their bestie and have fun.

I burst into tears.

The more I try to connect it seems the further away we get.

He wants so badly to have all this magical spiritual work happen and yet puts a wall up between us. My opinions are bounced in his tone of voice. I often feel smaller and smaller. My inner child shrinking when it wants to expand and grow with him. How does a person explain that a lot of what he seeks is right in front of him??

I'd be scoffed at. No, that's not it. That's not my life's purpose....and yet, he doesn't know what to do or feel. He just knows that outside influences are at work, pushing him down and stopping him from doing his spiritual work. Maybe he's just not listening?

Slow down. Relax. The answers you seek are closer then you realise.

I'm not that strong anymore.
I don't know if I can survive this quest.

Interstellar higher mantra crap. Next life, I'll tend to a garden. A small peaceful garden. Solitary. Maybe some animals. And butterflies. And fireflies. That way I can enjoy day and night 😎😱🤗

Just keep your twin flaming souls away from me. Standard love and families are bad enough. Even friends suck. Humans suck. Higher beings Pffft give me a break. You're all full of it. Honestly. I'm hurting so much and yet I still can't leave. Thanks. Thanks for the umpteenth experience.

[PamelaR]

Hello Ms Weeza

We've posted to one another on another thread you started. Life sounds very difficult for you at the moment.

You don't have to answer anything you don't want - there's no pressure. It's just I see something in the stories you've written that reminds me of myself.

[PamelaR]

Hello Ms Weeza

We've chatted before on another thread of yours. Things are sounding very difficult for you at the moment. Losing loved ones, especially parents is always difficult. The grieving process can take time and even though it was 14 years ago that they passed away. It can still feel like yesterday.

There are some things in the stories you've written that stand out for me. I might ask you some questions to help me support you more. Though there is no pressure for you to answer anything you don't want to. Also our community is non judgemental so you can feel safe here.

Things you've said sound like things I've experienced in my life. Difficulties with siblings especially. Do you still see your siblings?

I feel for you Ms Weeza, you sound a very loving person and that's not being reciprocated or there seems some unrealistic expectations on your relationship. Do you have anyone you can talk to, e.g. close family member (aunt or uncle) or trusted friend?

Talking is always good - to get out what you need to say. There is a lot of support services around, e.g.

• Beyond Blue Support Service 1300 224 636
• Lifeline 13 11 14

Keep reaching out, if you want to that is. No pressure. Just remember you are not alone.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Ms_Weeza]

ThankYou PamelaR,

I had a previous reply written. The page crashed and I lost it. Then I went to write a note, copy and paste. Hated it, deleted it.Here I am again 😁

I have very few, trusted anyone these days. My youngest lad is my best friend but there is only so much I wish to offload on him. My best friend from school doesn't even know all the darkness that lurks within. Wanted to catch up with her this weekend, but she was busy.

I've shut down my Facebook as my partner got upset with a few things I shared. If I share anything on narcissistic abusive bullying behaviour he has a friend that thinks it's related to us or our relationship. He knows better. And yet because he had issues he believes I just shouldn't share.

I don't smoke, anymore. I don't really drink. I don't have a social outlet. I can't even get to see a counsellor.

Sometimes everything is just too much. Caring. Thinking. Breathing. Talking. Its enough just to go to work everyday. My happy little moments are few and far between. Just enough I guess. Day by day. I'll get through it. I always do 😝

Even in a crowded room. I'm mostly alone with my thoughts. It's too much for some.

Being here, with others, may allow me better understanding of why I just can't shake the past. Move on. Why is my brothers wedding such a big thing? Why not being a part of the bigger family upsets me? Why it's so easy for him to damage me and I'm the black sheep?

My older brother supports the little brother. The Aunties and everyone else supports him. Is it because he was able to cry and say I was evil? I just feel betrayed. Family seems more important to me, then them and yet I'm not a part of it.

My inner child hurts more then my adult self. Outwardly, I couldn't give a toss. Inwardly, I'm huddled in a ball, underneath my bed. Wanting to be swallowed up by the black whirlpool.

Sigh. It is just like a very bad dream.

Im fine to talk as long as you want.

🐾