Having a break

[Tokyo]

Hello people. My partner is so attached and over controlling. I would just like to get away from him for just a week to be with my family , but I know he will not let me I am so upset because I know him too well. He’ll assume that I am not going to see my family, I have been nothing but a loyal partner to our relationship. Is it okay to go visit your family for a week without your partner beside your side everyday all day? I just need the space to breathe a little because I know if we don’t get a break sooner or later the relationship will come to an end.

[smallwolf]

hello.

From the outside it would seem OK to be able to the able the see your family but there are many things to consider here also. What would happen (to you) if you did do this?

Yet I read the only reason you want this space is to enable you to come back recharged.

One question I would have is the whether you are allowed to go out by yourself and have some fun?

You mentioning your partner is controlling which could also seen as emotional abuse. If this is the case you might want to have a chat with a service such as 1800RESPECT.

Hope this helps

[geoff]

Hello Tokyo, I agree with Smallwolf about maybe this is emotional abuse, especially if he wants to control you.

If you need the space to breathe is a concern for you because no relationship should be dominated by one person, it creates problems along the way.

There is a big difference between being attached to a partner to being in control and supposedly attached, the former means you're in love while the latter restricts you to anything you want to do.

Go and visit your family and if he says no, then quietly do it but it seems as though this is what you not only want but definitely need.

Geoff.

[Tokyo]

Yeah there’s heaps of problems in the relationship I cannot go out alone and have fun eg. Go shopping, or just even if it’s a 10minute walk. I can’t even have friends because he thinks they will be a bad influence I think his just jealous with the relationship I did have with one of my best friends now I don’t even communicate with her anymore because of him, also cannot go see my family because I’m in a different state. I really hate my life I’m soo upset it’s making me depressed and I’ve never felt like this in my whole entire life..

[smallwolf]

hello again.

your situation sounds very stressful.

in your initial post you asked about visiting your family. Were you able to get away?

Are you even allowed to talk to your family?

If possible you could talk to the 1800 RESPECT about your situation and possible ways forward.

[Sophie_M]

Hi tokyo

Our genuine thanks for your courage in reaching out and sharing on this topic. It is truly important to discuss these sorts of relationship ruptures, especially when they are isolating.

Attachment injuries can be a truly significant issues, especially around needs, wants and communication - but we must also look for any risks of violence, or emotional injury for others; we are very concerned of any emotional wounds that you may be enduring, Tokyo.

first and foremost, we hope that you will be able to continue to reach out to your peers here in the forum, but we want to also remind you of the services of 1800RESPECT. You can reach them on 1800 737 732, but if there is any risk to phone contact, you can also chat online or email by reaching our from their site: 1800respect.org.au/

Please feel free to reach out to us as well on 1300 22 4636 and again, we also have a webchat if you are concerned about a phone conversation: click here

Always remember, if you feel to be at any risk at all, call 000 immediately!

Please keep in touch with us all, Tokyo.

Regards,

Sophie M.