FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Hard Decisions

MissJ94
Community Member

My son and i currently live about a 10minute drive away from my mum.

Ive been wanting to move a little closer to my mum not only because it helps when my son is at my mums while i work but also because i want to be within walking distance to his school, also for convenience.

So now i have the opportunity to move into my sisters place while she and her family move in with my mum so they can save for a house.

I refused to move back in with mum because our personalities clash severely when around each other all the time. Were better people when not living together.

Moving into my sisters place will mean were within walking distance to my mums and also my sons school so its very tempting. And although my mum has said she will be able to help me out with the rent, which is $50 more per week than what im paying now, im just not sure.

All things point to "yes this would be a great option for now i should just go for it". But im just so cautious with absolutely everything, i feel like something bad will happen in no matter what situation and its lead me to absolutely hate making decisions.

So i guess im asking for some advice from someone thats not me or my mum. Should i just go for it?

I dont really have any friends i can turn to for this sort of thing either so i feel like im stuck with my own thoughts!

6 Replies 6

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi.

I don't think that I am the best person to answer your question... Though perhaps the first thought that popped into your head was the right one? One way to help work out what to do is to write the pros and cons for moving vs not moving and then compare the lists.

No matter what we do, if things don't go according to plan, it is easy to blame whatever decisions we made. And the one thing we might not think about is what might have happened if we had done nothing. We (you and I) make the best decisions we can based on the information available at the time of making that decision.

My parents live(d) close to their other grandchildren and it was good for them (the grand children)... well the grandparents as well I would think.

While rent might cost more, is it possible that cost might be offset elsewhere?

I also get what you mean by getting stuck in your own thoughts. Sometimes you just want an objective sounding board to throw your ideas at and see what comes back. Hopefully something in what I said made sense.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear MissJ94~

Yes is is a difficult decision, perhaps becuse on the surface it seems so attractive.

Undoubtedly the move will make some things like work and childcare easier and that's a big thing provided it does not make other things - like perhaps the distance to your doctor or other facilities harder.

It is sure that the dynamics inside oyur mother's house will be different with your sister and her family living with her. This may in turn affect her ability to childcare, or may drive her out of her house going to yours for a bit of relief, thus you see here more?

What do you think?

The other thing is being beholden for that $50 pw. Should relations with your mother worsen would there be a chance of this being withheld - and if so could you still manage?

Croix

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Miss, it would be very tempting, however, just a couple of thoughts for you to think about.

Firstly do you like your sister's house or is it a house you would enjoy living in, and what happens if you want to change the arrangements around to suit you and your son but your sister doesn't want this to happen, or what would happen if the stove broke down, who will be blamed and who will pay for a new one to be installed or perhaps you want to change colours in the bedroom, and what if the $50 is withheld.

There are also rates to be paid and because it's your sister's house moving in with your mother, so she can save money, who will be expected to pay these plus water/sewerage, these will need to be sorted out before you finally decide.

The idea sounds to be good, but rules and decisions will need to be made before you move in.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi

Alarm bells would ring for me.

I'd rather wait until a more affordable rental house came onto the market that's nearby mum. No financial ties with your sister. If your sister has issues with mum she might want her house back.

TonyWK

MissJ94
Community Member

Hi All,

Thank you for all the replies.

I think i didnt really explain it properly🤔

So its not my sisters place, she just rents it, i call it her place because its where shes living at the moment. Id be taking over the place through the realestate that manages the place so any issues id just report to the reasestate as i do now with the place im in. There wouldnt be any connections to my sister through me taking over the place. They wouldnt need to move into my mums place to save if they already owned the place they are in.

As for my mum, shes always been super supportive, thats the initial reason why she offered me to move in before saying yes to the offer my sister made to my mum. We clash when we were living together. When no living together we have a good relationship and shes never broken a promise before. That way when i work (night shifts), my mum could have the option of staying over my place instead of me taking my son to mums place.

If anything were to happen with the $50 per week i know i would be able to manage though, i know when i have to cut back and i know when i can been a bit slack with the budget. Its just preferable to keep my budget as is so i can continue saving some money.

Other reasons i feel its a benefit include a previous injury i had while coming down the stairs at my current place. I fell and broke my ankle/foot, was in a moon boot for 2 months and off work for almost 3 months. Ill also be having major surgery later this year and not sure how i would go with having to climb stairs several times each day.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear MissJ94~

Thanks for the extra information, it does make things clearer, and at the same time does away with some of the downsides mentioned in replies. I take it the property in question does not have stairs you'd need to climb.

I guess the only hesitation I'd have would be I've found proximity to be both good and bad, sometimes one can live too close, hence my mentioning that the dynamics in your mum's house may change and she might need to get away for a while, wiht oyur place being a convenient one to go to.

If you think that will not be a problem the you have not realy set out anything on the minus side. Can you think of any other potential hassles?

Croix