Guilt

[Sims9287]

Hi. First time to this forum so pls be kind. I feel like i'm in a weird spot in my life. A few years ago i cheated on my boyfriend and, even though I told him, I feel guilty. I just want to move on...he has but I can't quite forgive myself

[Ell43]

Hey Sims9287,

Welcome to the forums!! I'm so thrilled you felt confident enough to reach out and ask for some help. I don't feel like you have to be worried about people being unkind here. It is such a supportive and loving environment, full of people that just want to help each other, no matter their struggles!

I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling with these feelings of guilt all these years on. That must be really hard, and I'm guessing its hard for you to explain to people and get support!

I think you are very brave to have told your partner. You two must have a special bond if you felt you were able to be honest with him and that he felt comfortable enough to forgive you and move on. I think a lot of the time when we regret an action, it's so much harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive someone else's mistakes. We're so often much tougher on ourselves than we are on others, and sometimes we have to be reminded to be as kind to ourselves as we are to our loved ones. We deserve kindness and forgiveness too.

I guess a question you could ask yourself, is what is it exactly you haven't quite forgiven yourself for? Getting to the deeper issue that you're holding onto might help you work towards moving past it.
Have you considered talking to a professional about these feelings? It might only take you a few sessions to work it out, and you might feel A LOT of relief afterwards?

It's a bit hard to give you much sound advice with out many details. But the other thing you could possibly consider is talking to your partner about it? I know it would be very scary to bring him back to what was probably a very upsetting experience for him. But if that's what you need to do to move forward in your relationship with him, than maybe it would be necessary? You never know, he might be able to explain some of the reasons he was able to move on, and they might help you to do so too? Open and honest communication can be so important in any relationship.

I hope something I have said has maybe given you a tiny bit of hope/confidence Sims. I really feel for you and want you to know you would DEFINITELY not be alone in these feelings.

Ell

[baet123]

Hi Sims,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting. It takes great bravery and courage to be able to share your emotions and feelings with us and that is amazing! We are loving, caring and non-judgmental and feel free to post as much or as little as you wish but we will be here for you!

El has said some great things above and has said a lot of what I would have said which is amazing so I won't repeat what she has said 🙂

We all make mistakes in our lives.The fact that you told him shows strong character. It would have been easy for you to keep it a secret but you didn't and that says a great deal about you as a person.

I will say that if your actions in the past are still lingering over you which they are, it may be time like El mentioned to seek professional assistance before it manifests to become a real serious issue and have extreme detrimental effects on your emotional health and mental well-being. Please consult your GP about a mental health plan. If guilt is left untreated, its effects can be enormous and professional help will benefit you.

All the best,

Nick.