Grieving a childhood home

[BlueOrchid98]

Hi All,

Came back to this forum to ask for some advice on dealing with grief regarding my childhood home. My mum bought the house before I was born, and I lived have lived the majority of my life there (I am now 27). Sadly, my mum passed away in 2013, and I don't get on very well with my dad. I had to move out rather abruptly earlier this year as my dad threw me out and have since been staying with a friend.

My dad has called me earlier this week and says he is selling the house and moving, he won't take anything less than top dollar for the house either. I am devastated and have been frantically trying to work out a way I could buy it from him; however, all the numbers say that it isn't possible or that I would need to take on another full-time job on top of my current one.

I know that my mum wouldn't want me to work myself into the ground to try and save it, but whenever I think about it not being there anymore, I start crying. I feel like my mum is a big part of that house, and all of my childhood memories are there. Most likely as well, given the area is developing a lot, it will be knocked down. 

I don't even really know what to write to fully explain how I feel about the house and the attachment I have to it, I just know that I am really struggling with the thought of loss, and the sale hasn't even happened yet.

Just seeing all my mums' belongings and the old toys being boxed up makes me feel sick about it.

Looking for advice from anyone that has gone through similar or any tips for dealing with this sort of thing?

[bananatoast]

Hey there,

It must be tough going through all that. Saying goodbye to a place that we are attached very much to is so painful. I know that a place does not only hold memories and emotions but also the trace of time passed and probably for you that house also holds pieces of your mom and your childhood.

One way I find useful for myself to deal with this sort of thing is to reframe the way I think about it. When my parents sold the apartment that I stayed in during my teenage years, I was devastated. A place that witness all the pain and struggles I went through, all my ups and downs and the memories that were tied with it were all gone.

However, as time passed I realised all that about it wasn't gone, everything stayed in my memories, everything about it is still clear as daylight without me being able to be in there physically. Then, I started to think maybe it was right being sold, it held enough memories and emotions. Maybe I'm just passing my special place onto someone else, the person who bought it will probably start to make good memories with it. And then I stopped clinging onto the pain of losing the place, I moved on because I know as a human being I will grow and repeat this cycle of saying hello and goodbye as I continue.

Whether it's a place or person or period of time in life, I try to look to a brighter part and accept when things are out of my ability because I realised I should spend my time honouring the good part than sinking in the pain. Saying that, yet I know it is very hard to let go because feelings are hard to deal with and we are all just human. I just wanna let you know it is okay to grief and give yourself time to process and heal from the situation. 

I really hope you feel better soon.

Remember to take care of yourself during tough time too.

All the best.