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Going through a mutual breakup and constant anxiety about living on my own

Saphira
Community Member

I'm 25 and going through a mutal split with a guy I have been with for 2 1/2 years, I live and work in Sydney and all my family and friends are over an hour away. I had always been a very independant person and also a big commitment-phobe and since being in this relationship (he's a lovely guy) I've become dependant on him for everything really! He would always help out financially, emotional support, extremely handy with mechanics or absolutely anything I couldn't do and now I'm faced with moving to a place on my own and the anxiety is getting worse by the day, I'm moving in with family and will make the long daily commute to work every day for about a month I think to have friends and family close by while I process this and get my head straight but then I'll be on my own!

Just hoping to find people that have been through a similar situation.

14 Replies 14

Hi Mary,

No longer with family, I moved into free accommodation at work in December and finally moved out last week. I was made redundant in my position that I loved and struggled with that and finding another job in the area and a place to live. My accommodation is half my weekly pay so I'm trying very hard to budget and still pay bills plus also in the process of advertising my spare room for rent so hopefully will find someone I will get along with and have some company. I don't have friends or family in the area except for a guy I have been seeing over the last few months (whose mother is a psychologist funnily enough!) He is a lovely sweet young man although he doesn't understand what I go through and can't possibly lay it all on him. We have had chats about how I feel but I generally just say 'I'm not feeling well in the head at the moment'

I have to admit that the he was one of the reasons I didn't move straight back to friends or family was because of him. The other being a have a overwhelming feeling like I have failed if I move back to my old suburb which all my friends and family have told me isn't true. I feel like I need to grow up as a person and be able to make it on my own but just don't think I'm mentally strong enough at the moment.

Also I had two people close to me suggesting that I have bipolar. I ignored it and looked into it. So by the time I actually went to the ridiculously expensive psychiatrist it wasn't a shock at all and made perfect sense

Hello Saphira

Quite a lot has happened since you first posted on this forum. I can understand how moving back home may appear to be a failure and that's hard to bear. I think you know it's not really true but you want to prove how well you can manage. Nothing wrong with that unless you put yourself at risk doing it.

A boyfriend! Congratulations. That does demonstrate you are not a useless person if someone wants to spend time with you. I hope it all goes well.

How is the job hunting going? Such a pity you could not continue with the work you enjoyed. Is it possible to get a similar job elsewhere?

Keep writing in here. We love to be kept up to date.

Mary

Hi Mary,

Yes a boyfriend! And he is so so lovely and such a hard worker (works in construction in the Sydney city doing 12+ hour days) I feel bad putting my issues on him but I do need an outlet for what I deal with. He is all for listening but as soon as he gets home he is thinking of bed and 5 years younger than myself (he's 21) I'm concerned about overburdening him.

There isn't anything similar to what I was doing back on the Central Coast where I am from. At least not the scale I am used to.

Thank you so much for your replies, they have gotten me through the week.

How are you, are you on here to give advice or do you yourself need someone to talk to as desperately as I do? I would love to help in anyway I can, even if it is just to listen. These forums are such a great idea.

All the best

Saphira

Hello Saphira

When I first joined the Beyond Blue forums I was just as you and many others are, needing help and support. I found that 'talking' to people on other threads helped me hugely because I was giving myself advice and suggestions and these were reinforced by the replies I received. Win/win.

I was invited to be a Community Champion later on and you cannot imagine how thrilled and honoured I was to be invited to take on this role. At the same time my personal life was looking up, depression having less of a hold on me. Much of this I credit BB with and the people who posted to me. So affirming to know others struggled as much as I did.

I no longer have a thread of my own. It doesn't mean I have no more problems (I wish). In general I find it easier to manage and I have a fantastic support network around me. Every now and then I fall over, so to speak and write about myself and ask for help. The people on this forum are so wonderfully generous with their time and support.

For the past few months I have been trying to cope with having Fibromyalgia. It's painful and doesn't care which part of my body it attacks. For the past few days it has been my wrists and hands making it difficult to post here. When these sorts of things happen I take a bit of a rest and answer posts when I can. There are many other champs around who pick up slack. It's a great system.

Yes I sometimes need to blurt out all my woes and I often do this. Hang around, I'm sure I will be talking about these. In the meantime, why not browse the different forums and start talking to some the people who post in.

Mary