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Girlfriend depressed and she left me. Help me understand her thought process!

Falstad
Community Member

Hey guys,

Long story short and god it's a long and complicated one. My girlfriend (ex now) has had a mental breakdown and has been diagnosed with depression caused by Situational Crisis, can someone explain this better to me? I have an understanding but what does it mean?

When me and my girlfriend first met we were both going through separations and property settlement. Now we looked at houses put in offers ETC we planned to build a life together. Anyway I upheld my end of the deal and now she refuses to sell and her ex has moved back in with her and he was like "It's my house I'll do what I want". Now my girlfriend comes from a very abusive and controlling relationship from her ex and once this all happened about 3 months back she's just broken.

Now her solution to EVERYTHING is to only break up with me and not be in a relationship with me but NOTHING else has changed. How does she honestly think this will fix her problems when she's still living with them day in day out? I'm trying so hard to understand it from her point of view but I just can't. I'm seeing a psych myself to try and help me understand.

Now the fun parts. One day she is messaging me non-stop taking screenshots of our video calls and editing it with a face saying "I wish I was laying on your chest". She tells me she loves me and wants me but when she's with me it just confuses her. She is madly and deeply in love with me and I honestly believe that but how can you love someone that much and not want to be with them?

I have offered her SO much support and tried to be there but I feel like I have dug the hole deeper by doing that but I don't know any other way. She said to me if I had been doing what I'm doing now 6 months ago she would of been on social media bragging about how I'm this perfect guy best boyfriend ETC. But to her at the moment she think's I'm out to get her.

I have loss my cool at her a few times because of her ex and I can see what he's really up to (and so can EVERYONE else around her) he keep's asking about me keeps telling her not to talk to me his behaviour is escalating and it's only a matter of time before he bashes the life out of her again.

I have officially given up today I told her that and I'm at a loss what to do and how to deal with it. There is so much more to our story EG we tried for a baby fell pregnant and her ex caused her to miscarry... which would put a bigger spin on things but I'll leave it at that for now.

I love her so much.

2 Replies 2

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

falstad,

Welcome ton the forum. this is a caring, friendly and supportive place.

I can see that you truly love your girl friend but are frustrated and bewildered.

You ask for us to help you understand your girl friends thought processes. I think the only one who can do this is your girlfriend and even then she maybe confused.

Both of have been through a lot and have complications in your relations with her ex . I am not a doctor just a person who has a lived experience. I think a situational crisis could be the miscarriage , the ex, and financial pressures, that affected her health .

As you say your relationship is long and full of complications.

What do you think would have to happen for things to change in your relationship.

Your girlfriend may find her depression makes it difficult to make decisions and see her changing her mind daily. Your girlfriend has been through a lot with the miscarriage, depression and violent controlling ex.

It seems both of you have been through so much and maybe she needs time to get better. it is hard for you when you love her so much.

Quirky

Dannyl
Community Member

hey

I'm glad i stumbled upon your post because its similar to my situation, but I'm more her in this story. Me and my girlfriend both have depression and 3 days ago i broke up with her because we were both toxic for each other and dragged each others moods down, she is very lost and confused and the fact she broke up with you but doing nothing else to fix her problems isn't surprising because people with depression are like that. When she calls you and takes screenshots etc I'm assuming in that time her depression has gotten so bad that she just needs to feel some sort of love or normality, at like 2 in the morning the day after the breakup with my girlfriend i was very sad and i called her and apologized and we made up but the next morning i woke up and i was just so sad and knew i shouldn't of done that. Maybe she felt similar and wanted to be with you but when she was with you in person she realized her depression was worse.

I'm not sure if this will help you at all but its sometimes nice to have some clarity about a bad situation.

Also when she does all this try your best not to take her actions personally, because i had a family member who would cry over the fact I'm depressed and would make me comfort her which was really messed up.

Ive never had to deal with an EX of someones that is manipulative of a past girlfriend, but i have dealt with a very manipulative friend and the best bet is confront manipulative people in person with facts.

Hope this helps