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Getting strong waves of anxiety post breakup

dirtyfabrik
Community Member

Hi Guys,

I've posted here a month or two ago regarding a breakup with my partner of almost 3 years. It all finally came to an end last Sunday and I moved home with my parents for the time being (29, male). The first few days were okay - however now i'm starting to get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and loneliness. Although she was the one that wanted to end it, we broke up on good term. We still message from time to time - which I think I'm fine with, however I really miss her company, my own space etc. All my friends live out of the area and have their own lives/issues/problems which means it's not as easy to organise my time with them as it was a few years ago. I just feel like my life wont get better, and a generally feel like a failure.

Anyway tonight the feeling of sadness/anxiety was pretty bad so I came on here -

6 Replies 6

TRS91
Community Member

Hi,

I just came across your post and I too am going through what you are. It has been about two and a half years, same age (female though) and I too had to move out of my home. I can't help you with the answers but I can tell you, that you are not alone. I find myself sitting at work wanting to cry and feel the blood in my body racing.

I use the breathing exercises and this helps temporarily. I feel like that perhaps we are not coping because everything seems to be out of our control. I feel like I have no choice in what is happening in my life. Where I am living, being single and really losing a sense of identity. Regardless of how much I put into my relationship, it wasn't enough and I too somehow feel like a failure. The only thing I am holding onto is the idea that one day, we will just wake up and one little thing will have changed. Maybe i'll hear a song and it will break my bad mood, or my friends will finally crack me and get me out of the house. I am not sure when this will happen. But I really am holding onto this hope that one day out of the blue, something will click and we will start moving on and rebuilding ourselves and taking control again.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome dirtyfabrik and waves to TRS91,

The ending of a relationship is difficult at any age. It does not mean you have done anything wrong. Alas

relationship break ups are quite common.

You may not believe it now but things will get better.

By living with your parents for a while, you can work out what you may want in a future relationship and develop different coping skills.

It is sad and hopefully by writing here and realising you are not alone it will help a bit.

If you browse other threads you will find topics that may help you.

Feel free to post whenever you like.
When you have been used to spending time with one person it can be hard to do things by yourself or with other people.

TRS91, welcome to the forum. I am glad you are holding on to hope, because you will feel differently and feel more in control. You are welcome to post here and if you want to can start your own thread if you want to.

Thanks for both of your posts and sharing your story.

Quirky

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Dirtyfabrik~
I read elsewhere that three months down the track you are not finding things the best at home with your parents and are becoming increasingly anxious.

It looks like the change in lifestyle away from your friends is taking it's toll and the prospect of working from home for several months will make matters worse.

Getting hot flushes and panic attacks really needs to be looked at before it gets worse. I made that mistake and hung on for far too long, making matters worse and harder to treat. Anxiety does respond well to treatment, particularly if caught early on.

Being isolated, well there are only two options I can see, move back to your old area, which may be expensive and may not be so simple if you need a base to work from, or else try to make your current home as good as possible.

That might mean joining interest groups (drama?) or volunteering (RSPCA?) or some other means of getting out, being busy and meeting people - what do you think might be possible?

As for bringing someone home, my offspring did that several times, it worked out fine and I ended up meeting a future DIL that way. Are your parents reasonably easygoing?

Croix

dirtyfabrik
Community Member
3 months have passed and I still think about her/the relationship every day. She decided we're too different and cited she no longer had feelings for me (out of the blue which caught me off guard). The breakup was very civil and we still talk and catch up occasionally.
I decided that moving home short term was a good idea as I can use it as an opportunity to save a lot of money quickly. The only problem is the drastic change in lifestyle - you see before moving home I was fortunate to live very close to the city / in areas where there's a lot going on all the time, food, pubs, shops etc... it was very easy to get around and visit friends. Unfortunately, although my parents live in a decent area, it's far out from everything - there's nothing nearby and most of my friends are out closer to the city. As a result, the last few months have been very uneventful.
To make matters worse, the line of work i'm in allows me to work from home - and we're going through a transition period which will require me working from home for the foreseeable future (until i return from vacation November). Friends I speak to can't believe how lucky I am - and truth be told i'm dreading at the concept of further isolation.
I think everything had started to sink in the point I was getting hot flushes and mild panic attacks. I keep telling myself short term sacrifice for long term benefits, however I feel very lonely. I organised as much as I can with friends, I've been training 6 times a week, I try keep myself preoccupied but it gets to a stage each night were I just get overwhelmed with loneliness. I would consider myself an attractive guy, however I still don't feel ready putting myself out there and even so - what am I going to do? Invite a girl to mummy and daddy's?
How can I overcome the waves of anxiety and loneliness? I'm so sick of this feeling!

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Dirtyfabrik~

I've very cleverly manged to put my answer before your post! I guess you must have copied it underneath from wherever I first saw it.

-C

IsaJett
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi dirtyfabrik

heres what I learned and I think I pass it on

my marriage of 12 years ended in the worst possible fashion .

i have now narrowed it down to this

its better to have loved and lost ...or not loved at all

and if you love someone you almost always need to set them free.

You will slowly get used to life without her. There is nothing wrong in remisnsincing about what you had ..but know in your heart that there will be someone out there for you. You don’t know when this person would appear because that’s just the fantastic thing about life. It could be when you get your next coffee. Or the next time you at a gym .

i hope this gives you fresh hope ..it’s ok to grieve a break up ..and it’s ok to miss them ..so ok ..it’s ok to feel shit about what had happened ..but also remember to look at the upside.

Your newfound freedom..hehehe .pick up a new hobby maybe ..something u could never do when you were together . Stay well