Hi everyone,
I’m struggling and would appreciate some perspective.
A few months ago, my long-term relationship ended. My ex-partner and I were together for several years and I genuinely thought we would build a future together. The breakup happened in a way that left me feeling shocked and confused. I felt there were many things that could have been discussed and worked through, but instead the relationship ended and I’ve been trying to process it ever since.
Recently, my parents visited from overseas and having them around helped me cope. The house felt alive and I had company every day. They left about a week ago, and since then the loneliness has hit me much harder than I expected. It feels like much more than a week has passed.
One of the things I am struggling with is guilt. Since the breakup, I keep replaying situations from the relationship and noticing things I wish I had done differently. I can see times where I was impatient, critical, or reacted badly. For example, I remember getting upset with my ex over small things and now I look back and think he often tried very hard to make me happy. I find myself wondering why I couldn’t see some of these things more clearly at the time.
At the same time, I know the relationship was more complicated than a few isolated incidents. There were communication issues and unresolved problems on both sides. However, my mind keeps focusing on my mistakes and asking whether I could have prevented the breakup if I had been different.
I recently joined a new badminton group and the women there were very welcoming. I unexpectedly found myself crying afterwards because being included meant so much to me. I think part of me is grieving the life I thought I would have, while another part is trying to build a new one.
Something else that affected me recently was discovering that my ex has blocked me. We have not been speaking, but seeing that still hurt deeply. It made the breakup feel even more final. I realise that being blocked doesn’t necessarily tell me what he feels, but emotionally it felt like another loss.
Right now I am trying to:
- rebuild my social life,
- make new friends,
- stay active through sport,
- learn from my mistakes,
- stop obsessing over the past.
But I am finding it difficult to balance accountability with self-forgiveness. I don’t want to ignore my mistakes, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life punishing myself for them.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you stop replaying every mistake in your head and start moving forward?
Thank you for reading.
