GENUINE QUESTION: Do people genuinely care about their friends?

[Rogger]

Hi, I'm not sure if this is a silly question, but I thought I'd ask anyway. So I don't really have any close friends at the moment (not asking for sympathy haha), nor do I have a close extended family or anything. I do however have two parents.

Now, I used to have friends who I felt fairly close to. We have known each other for around four years, and I felt close during this time. However, after the fourth year, the organisation we were a part of disbanded, and despite some efforts (especially on my end) to maintain the relationship, ultimately, they moved on with their lives, met new people, and drifted apart.

Now, of course I understand that most relationships will be transitive, and accept that our relationship would likely grow weaker after our organisation disbanded. However, this doesn't prevent me feeling unhappy about it.

Now, my parents told me that the chances of having friends who ever loved me was extremely slim, and that the only people who would ever really love me is them, my future wife, and any children I have. Now, I understand that the love between spouses is important for many people, but at this point in my life I'm not even sure if I want to get married, and if I did, I doubt I would want to have more than one child, contrasting their suggestion of having many. Now, given my relationship with my parents is... complicated, to say the least, this is somewhat disappointing to me, as it suggests, unless I choose to date, no-one will care about me. I'm a bit hesitant to start dating, partly because there was someone who I liked who was part of the organisation I was previously apart of. However, partly due to my own hesitations, and disapproval from my parents, I never asked her out. Since then, I haven't really liked anyone in the same way.

So, I thought I'd ask here, I'm genuinely asking if people care about their friends. I'm fine if what my parents say is true, and that relationships displayed on TV are fantasies, there because they are what people wish for but can rarely have, but only so long as it's the truth. If anyone has any data on statistics of care among friends, that would also be fantastic!

[Croix]

Dear Rogger~

Welcome back, it is quite a while since you were last here -I hope that intervening time has been good to you.

There is no real answer to your question as everyone and their circumstances are different. I do think however that your parent's view is probably on the gloomy side. While certainly the relationships they mention do involve caring I've found there is more to be found in life than that.

Unfortunately I've reached the age where my freinds are passing away -it's a natural course of events in life, but the fact is I miss them and in some cases was with them when they went, and this points to the fact the care was deep, and I believe mutual.

It is true friendship may be present due to common factors, like colleagues at work, and at the time they can care, however when that common factor stops may will drift away though remain well disposed to you. Sometimes the friendship does not stop even after they have left work.

Working wiht someone in dangerous circumstances especially can create a life-long bond as each has to rely upon and trust the other completely..  Sometimes friendships just happen.

I guess one tries to keep channels open as circumstances change but for colleagues that will not always work, and leads to disappointment. For others one can go many years without contact and pick up on meeting as if nothing happened.

I think the most important thing is for you to regard yourself as a worthy and interesting person with much to give. Trying to get friends rarely works, life will offer them.

Croix