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Friend acting all strange

Michelle1978
Community Member

I became friends with a lady that I met when I went back to uni about 6 years ago. She is a little older then me and is married. They make a great couple and I always trusted them completely.

At the start of last year I met up with her and her hubby for dinner and She told me that she wanted to spent more time together. I told her that was cool. They always have such busy social lives and I have always told her that I always happy to fit her in because my life isnt as busy.

I tried to catch up with her a couple of times but she was unavailable. I caught up with her mid year and had a nice dinner together. I asked her when was I going to see her next and she told me probably Christmas time as they were going overseas etc.

she was smsing me in October saying that she wanted to catch up and we should lock some dates in. I told her I was free anytime. She never wrote back. Then in November I wrote to her asking if she still wanted to catch up. She said she was busy until Feb as they had friends over from overseas etc. i just smsed her back and said “Not to worry”

Around Christmas time I sent her a couple of sms which i got no response to (she was always really quick to respond) i rang her and the phone rang a couple of times and then went to voicemail.

I googled this and wondered if she had blocked me on her phone? She told me once that if she doesnt want contact with anybody again thats what she does. I blocked my number and rang her and the phone rang more then 3 times and I left her a voicemail and then she smsed me back and said that she was away and catch up in the new year.

I tried to call her last week and it rang a couple of times and went to voicemail and i left a message. I also smsed her and got no response.

I found her email address and emailed her and invited her and her hubby for a meal at my place when they were free and she responded saying that she had phone issues before Christmas and lost a lot of phone numbers. I dont know if i believe this or not.

She then went on to say that she has been working interstate and isnt around much anymore and spends the weekends with her husband. Again im just not sure if this is the truth or not?

i wrote back and she responded but the language is quite closed and i just think its all a bit wierd?

I want to email her and tell her how much her friendship meant but im not sure how to word it or if it will change the situation?

I keep blaming myself. i dont know what to make of the situation?

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Michelle, welcome

There is one thing missing in this whole sorry business....she doesn't contact you. That's sad but it is the most telling fact and a fact that means she isn't interested. To test this out stop contacting her altogether. If she was eager she'd communicate with you.

I had a friend from school, the friendship lasted 45 years. Suddenly he stopped all contact. I tried all sorts of means to get to the core of the problem and was eventually told that he believes his Christian beliefs are too far distant from my atheist views. How Christian I thought. But in the end it hurts but there is zilch I can do about it.

People act funny at times. We have to move forward not linger on those that dont treat us with respect.

You deserve a better friend. You can find them.

Google- Topic: the labyrinth of friendships- beyondblue

Tony WK

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Michelle1978~

I'm afraid I'd have to agree with Tony, the relationship is not there anymore. I guess it is worth remembering that in effect you are dealing with two people, not just the lady but her husband too. It may be he is not keen on her having friends - OK, I'm guessing.

All the replies from this lady you have mentioned sound very much like someone who does not want to further the friendship and is using 'socially correct' lies to get out of it.

If it was me I'd let things go - no matter what the ache and regret. It takes two people for a decent friendship and sadly she is not taking part. There is a temptation to grasp at isolated incidents as being hopeful - her contacting you in October for instance, however I think that would simply be prolonging the issue to no avail.

I can't really see it is any reflection on you at all. Friendships made in particular places: uni, the workplace and so on don't always last when things change. Then again sometimes things just happen.

Croix

Thanks for your response. The thing I dont get is that she said at the start of last year that she wanted us to spend more time together and I was more then happy with this. We had previously talked about when we had finished paying our home loans off going on a weekend away to celebrate etc.

she changed jobs a couple of times last year. The other thing I dont like is that I do believe she had blocked me on her phone for no real reason at all.

Hi Michelle

Im really sorry that your friend has left you without even a reason for the lack of a reply

TonyWK and Croix above have provided sound advice above with their life experience and wisdom

Unfortunately the two phone rings followed by voicemail are a strong indicator that she doesnt wish to talk

I know its not what you want to hear....Its just my point of view as what you have posted

This would feel very upsetting at the least but I feel there is little you can do except to make a new friend

Like TonyWK mentioned above "You deserve a better friend"

My kind thoughts for you Michelle

Paul