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Follow up from LDR

Ryan2021
Community Member

Well after my last post about my long distance relationship.

I ended up breaking it off with my girlfriend of almost 2 years.

Now I am really sad. I was madly in love with her and she was pretty.much my everything. I don't want to believe the things I was told about her. I tried to get the information from her but she promises me she didn't cheat on me. The person who told me had no reason to lie to me and as much as I trust her, his word sounded very legit. I broke up purely on his strong warning without any reply proof of things happening. His gf is her best friend and sort of confirmed things but won't tell me as she is protecting her friendship.

I had a big final talk with her Sunday night asked her heaps of questions to try and close the book and haven't spoken to her since. It is day 3, I thought I was going ok but then suddenly started thinking of her and uncontrollably crying again. It's so hard to not send her a message and see how she is. She admitted she was giving up on me and I was told she wanted it over but she seems heart broken and sad. If she had another guy like I was told, surely she could go to him for comfort? Why is she sad then? Just don't know if I made the right move.

My friend said never give her another chance and if I do he will tell me more stuff about what she has been doing behind my back. I just don't want to believe she is such a bad person and I was a sucked in so bad. Missing her like crazy 😞

6 Replies 6

Ryan2021
Community Member
IM also worried as soon as the borders open, I will go there, see her and take her back without hesitation.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Ryan, if you love her so much and she has promised that she has not cheated on you, then who can you believe, her or this other fellow and what he's said.

He may be a friend but have other ideas, only you will know.

She might only be embarrassed by any rumours, and if this was me I wouldn't be giving up, especially when she is feeling sad, she might want a shoulder to cry on.

Please let us know how you go.

Geoff.

Try and contact her, you have nothing to lose

Ryan2021
Community Member

Hey Geoff!

Thanks for reaching out. I'm doubtful he would be lying. He has been through this before himself with his ex. I was about to spend 10 grand on a visa or to go there and he felt it was necessary to worn me before I did. His girlfriend sort of confirmed it without directly saying it.

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya Ryan2021,

Sorry to hear about your heart break. Heartbreak really sucks, and leaves you questioning a lot of things from the past (why is she sad, why are you sad, who should you trust, was it the right decision etc.). Long Distance Relationships are really hard to maintain, but the both of you have done your best to maintain the relationship. I can't say whether the choice that you've made is right or not, or who's lying and what not. But all I know is it was a really difficult decision that you had to make.

I feel, in a break up situation, no matter who's the dumper or dumpee, both parties will still go through the same grief and sadness from the break up. Because it's hard to detach emotions and feelings from memories when you were together. It's normal to be missing your ex, especially at the start of your break up. A person whom you once spoke to frequently, suddenly gets cut out from your life, and it's an awkward feeling to have, with a sense of loneliness. Even though she may have someone else to go to for comfort, a break up still hurts for both parties.

Try and fill your time with as much activities that makes you happy, or chat with friends. Even better if you can find someone who you can speak to in a safe space without any judgement (like a counsellor, or therapist). Crying helps a lot with processing grief, don't hold back on your emotions and allow yourself to feel the emotions that comes from the breakup.

If it's alright for me to ask, when she admitted that she was giving up on you, and told you that she wanted it over, did she explain what the reason was?

Happy to listen to you more Ryan2021, please take care of yourself first.

Jt

Thanks again for replying JT!

It was difficult for get answers from her and things just went around in circles a bit, but it sounded like the distance and the unknown with all the border restrictions played a part. It's hard when you can't have that person there after a bad day or you're sick or something. Thing is I would have fought and waited a year or 2 years for her and I thought we were on the same page.

Just made it worse hearing she wanted to give up through a friend instead of her coming to me to talk about things.

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey Ryan2021,

It certainly is disappointing when someone chooses to give up and leave, rather than putting the effort to work on the relationship together. Perhaps, it's like what geoff said, she may have been embarrassed about the claims, causing a mixed bag of emotions and feelings that becomes intertwined. Perhaps the introduction of another man into her life had made her confused as well on what she wants in life, and when she combines all that together, it becomes too overwhelming for her to deal with.

Long distance relationship is really hard to maintain, especially in times like these where there's a lot of uncertainty on the future of travelling. Adding on the temptations of other opportunities that are local and more easily accessible, that it becomes a challenge to the person on how much they value the relationship, and how much they value what they want in life. It's not easy to tell what is the true reason behind her wanting to give up on the relationship that she has with you. Neither it is easy to tell whether your friend, or your friend's gf, is telling you the truth or has other ideas. With time and space away from her, I feel you'll be able to find the closure that suits you.

Take care, and happy to listen to you more.

Jt