Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Britishinaus I’m affecting my partner
  • replies: 4

Morning, I didn’t know where else to put this but I woke up at about 3.30 last night (that’s been happening a bit lately) and of course when I’m awake my thoughts take over. And I ended up crying, and waking my partner up and breaking his sleep, then... View more

Morning, I didn’t know where else to put this but I woke up at about 3.30 last night (that’s been happening a bit lately) and of course when I’m awake my thoughts take over. And I ended up crying, and waking my partner up and breaking his sleep, then I didn’t end up going back to sleep until 5, and I forgot he has an important meeting this morning for work which he wasn’t keen for. But fast forward to this morning, I got up to make breakfast for him as I always do and he barely spoke to me, he said goodbye and kissed me as usual but he looked so tired. I say sorry a lot (probably due to a toxic workplace) and I know if I said sorry for waking him that it would have irritated him so I didn’t. I didn’t mean to wake him and I’m scared I’m really starting to affect him and he doesn’t need that on top of what’s a stressful time at work for him.. ironically he works in community mental health (he’s a nurse) and I’ve found it hard to talk to him... what does that say about me?? I’m so tired this morning and I was meant to be going to the gym and all I want to do is sleep..

aurorastone Unknowingly Triggering The One You Love - Should You Stay?
  • replies: 2

Me and my ex boyfriend were together a year. We worked and lived together pretty much our whole relationship and we were inseparable. Before I met him I was very social and he was the opposite, so when we got together i reeled it back a lot but occas... View more

Me and my ex boyfriend were together a year. We worked and lived together pretty much our whole relationship and we were inseparable. Before I met him I was very social and he was the opposite, so when we got together i reeled it back a lot but occasionally had a night out with my friends - it would always end up in us having arguments when I got home. In the end I was feeling trapped and like our relationship was becoming a bit toxic. We were arguing over the smallest things and we just could never resolve them. I could never understand where he was coming from and he could never understand my reasoning either so we'd just end up so frustrated. I was the one to end it. We've still stayed in contact every day checking up on each other. He confessed before he left (to go back to home country) that I was an emotional trigger for him because of childhood trauma he hadn't dealt with which changed everything for me. It finally made me understand why me having a night out with my friends would always make him so upset with me. I asked him if he'd want to work at things again in the future and he said if I didn't repeat the things from before and accept him for who he is. I want to be with him but I can't figure out if it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I'm in denial and just don't want to believe I was the problem in the relationship before.. I guess no one wants to believe that about themselves. I just wish it was clearer, I don't want to go through those feelings again if it ends badly and risk hurting him more the second time but I don't want to risk losing him if he really is the one.

lizziebunny End of Undefined Relationship
  • replies: 10

The guy I have been seeing for 1 and half year just ended whatever we were 2 days ago because he said he can't cope with the unhappiness we both have and yet he still want to celebrate my birthday with me today. I know I am the person to blame for th... View more

The guy I have been seeing for 1 and half year just ended whatever we were 2 days ago because he said he can't cope with the unhappiness we both have and yet he still want to celebrate my birthday with me today. I know I am the person to blame for this to happen as I have been unhappy he is still in touch closely with his ex and had brought up this issue quite often lately. He has assured me that there's nothing happening between them but yet he doesn't want to have define our relationship partly because she will be hurt. He said he still want to be friend with me because he cares of me, but at this moment I really can't maintain as friends knowing my feeling on him is still so strong. However I did agree for tonight's dinner as this might be the last time I see him. Also, tbh I am still hoping maybe he will change his mind after that, which I truly know it is impossible. I have been thinking if to accept maintain our friendship as I also care of him very much and I hope I can continue support him but I know if we continue in touch it will be very hard for me to move on. I feel very sad that I can't even say we have "break up" as we never have a proper (defined) relationship.

BeforeCare Leaving husband while depressed
  • replies: 4

This year I was bullied at work, I tried to make a stand and stick up formyself, not tolerating that and it backfired for me where I was forced (paid) out of a job that I had spent our life savings moving for. I'm taking antidepressants, antianxiety ... View more

This year I was bullied at work, I tried to make a stand and stick up formyself, not tolerating that and it backfired for me where I was forced (paid) out of a job that I had spent our life savings moving for. I'm taking antidepressants, antianxiety meds and have gained weight.I have finally found myselfand am getting my priorities in order. Things weren't perfect before. My husband is a moody, angry person. He hates his job and wants to change careers but has been unsuccessful. He's got expensive hobbies and was blaming me for being too controlling (ie paying the bills) with our income. He is in most, a good father.I've been part of his family for half my life and breaking our marriage would be devastating. Our move away ultimately failed and he wants to go back. I don't. We would just go back to the same rut we were stuck in. Last night we fought again, it's happening more frequently, I try to just ignore his fight picking. He continues to bring up finances and lay blame for our choices and losses. He has opened another bank account for himself and has stopped paying bills. My wage pays for all the bills but I have had to apply for hardship. I withdrew my super to help us and he withdrew his and has just kept it. I don't care leaving with nothing (financially) he always brings up how he has worked his whole life. I just cant up and leave, I would dread to see our children left in only his guidance. He tells innapropriate jokes and influences them, he is already discrediting me. He calls me lazy. Says I should've fought harder to keep (the toxic job). Our children can feel the tension We've had marriage counselling years ago where everything was swept under the carpet. He refused to have counselling again. He says he was picked on during it and didn't benefit. I agree, he didn't change, I just became tolerant. I feel much happier when he is away. I don't sleep well with him and the thought of obligatory sex makes me cringe. We have had happy times together and I will miss those (often when we are both drunk) I am completely miserable, and waking up every day to him is exhausting. He has said before he will take me to court and tell everyone I am a mentally unstable mother. I feel so trapped. I've considered dying, in an accident so there's no stigma, no fights, no guilt and Id be remebered nicely, i wouldnt be that horrible woman that broke up an "ideal loving family"the only thing keeping me here is the thought of my children only having him

Guest_3256 Constantly walking on eggshells
  • replies: 2

Hi. Need some advise. I've been with my partner for nearly 1.5 year and I think I live with him. Somethings are good, however, there's a lot of disagreements and ongoing issues that don't seem to get resolved from his end. Some behaviours are: • bein... View more

Hi. Need some advise. I've been with my partner for nearly 1.5 year and I think I live with him. Somethings are good, however, there's a lot of disagreements and ongoing issues that don't seem to get resolved from his end. Some behaviours are: • being accused of cheating a lot • being shut down - moodiness and "please don't speak to me" • no emotional support - tells me to grow up and/ or leave • minimal physical connection/activity • no interest in planning things • no interesting or refuses to show that he wants to know me more or meet my friends/family • is always sleeping • isn't motivated to do anything • seems to be down and depressed all the time • can be quite emotionally distant • says really strange things and mumbles • doesn't listen to what I have to say • when I try to address issues (some of the above) he can never answer with a yes or no • he usually deflected any feedback I give him onto me • will check my phone and is very suspicious • when I try to talk about improving on our relationship and discussing what I need from him (as some of my needs are not being met), he will usually put up a wall, become moody and tell me that we are "not working out, we can't keep going on like this, we need to grow as separate people etc etc etc. • so rather than resolving the issue, sometimes, he feels like we need to cut things off because he isn't willing to listen to me. I constantly feel like I'm waling on eggshells as one day he may be over the moon in love with me and the next, wants to get rid of me for someone else who he feels could be more committed. Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, what ideas can you give me?

JDM1 JDM - Don't know what to do
  • replies: 3

My partner has been diagnosed with PTSD (with borderline tendencies), this was only in January this year & we've been together (currently spilt) for 2.5 years. His episodes started when we moved, we were only together for about 8 months when we decid... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with PTSD (with borderline tendencies), this was only in January this year & we've been together (currently spilt) for 2.5 years. His episodes started when we moved, we were only together for about 8 months when we decided too. He was receiving therapy and is on medication. His episodes did increased & unfortunately, some of these episodes were in front of my family. Since then they have had a very strong opinion of him & didn't want me to be with him. This also affected our relationship badly. I would speak about him to say that he was doing well, but they just didn't care/not supportive. We were to be married last year, i called the wedding off because i knew our relationship was not ready for that, we needed to address his situation first. We tried to work on getting him help, but he keep resorting to drinking & drugs, this was due to my families feelings to him also. He never wanted to speak to them about any of it, i had to "defend him" to them. My family were never supportive of the wedding (at first they were until they saw his mental illness side), & i think that also was a big part for me too, that they didn't care or want to be apart of it. I know they are looking out for me, but them not being supportive really hurt me too. Obviously, the episodes directly affected me and i grew, i guess less attracted to him, which again, affected our relationship. This was just a continuing circle. all i did at the end of our relationship was try to push him to do his therapy work/go to therapy etc. and not drink/do drugs. He called the relationship off a few months ago, because he believed he didn't love me. Currently, he says he still loves me, and wants me to move back in/tell my family that we are still seeing each other, because that makes him insecure that i haven't. I guess i haven't said anything because for the past 3 months, he hasn't helped himself (15 hour drinking sessions & most likely drugs) and i don't feel confident that he wants too, because unfortunately he has done this numerous times before - he tries for a few months, then he goes back to drinking/drugs. He is booked in to see a specialist that works with trauma/PTSD next week How do i address this with my family, that i'm still seeing/helping him? Should i at this point? I'm still confused & not sure what i want out of this relationship or if i want anything at all anymore because i'm scared it will go back to how it was. Thanks

Fada Was my partner unfaithful? Yet I want her back..
  • replies: 9

I brought my partner from another country and has been looking after her like my eyes...giving her everything...emotionally, physically, and financially... a few months after her arrival to Australia and living with me, she started to meet up with di... View more

I brought my partner from another country and has been looking after her like my eyes...giving her everything...emotionally, physically, and financially... a few months after her arrival to Australia and living with me, she started to meet up with different guys from her own country, and she was calling them friends...at first it looked fine for me..though I became suspicious when once she said “let’s get married on the paper though I go and do whatever I like”...and I told her, I’m happy to have a real marriage with you and make you live a life lots of girls dream of...though no fake marriage...and if that’s your approach, think about it and if you don’t like me, you can go back To your country since then, she started to meet more and more guys or say group of guys and girls and couples...though, I’ve been always absent in her social life...and things got awkward when she started to stay at men’s places overnight and telling me that she’s been staying in a seperate room with girls!! And off course sometime we ended up in arguments because of these boys and her social life...though she was doing even worse and worse to the point that I was feeling like a trash ...yet, “I loved her and I still love her” things were getting worse to the point that one night after I asked her where she’s going, she showed me her middle finger and disappeared for 20 hours...later I realised that she went to a hotel and stayed there...though she claims it was a birthday party and that she stayed with females in a separate room,,as usual. that was the point that I asked her to leave my place and rented her an apartment while I was not obliged and told her, now we broke up and you’re free to do whatever you like... and of course because the financial helps cut off, she started to struggle and thus went to the police to open a false domestic violence against me which all the charges dropped after I presented my evidences. I understand she’s suffering and struggling with her life now and even if she goes back to her country she’ll have no money, no job, no home, and nobody that can help her...so she’s vary vulnerable....and it’s killing me...I can’t even sleep now for an hour i wanted her to be back, though I’m not sure whether it’s a good idea or I’ll be abused again... on the other hand, there’s a provisional AVO in place that limits our communication was I unreasonable in the relationship? Should I let her back or I may end up in even a worse situation In future if I do it?

Fiona86 Don't want to lose everything
  • replies: 1

Hi, I've never really posted anything like this before. I haven't spoken to anyone about this (except my husband) so I'm sorry if this isn't quite what these forums are used for but I'm desperate at the moment. My husband was offered a managerial pos... View more

Hi, I've never really posted anything like this before. I haven't spoken to anyone about this (except my husband) so I'm sorry if this isn't quite what these forums are used for but I'm desperate at the moment. My husband was offered a managerial position with his work and part of the job is that we relocate interstate. At first I was really excited and we were meant to move down there in May, but then Covid happened and it has been postponed until we can move. I voiced my concerns to my husband about not wanting to leave our home, not wanting to leave my family as I don't really have any friends and also not wanting to leave the only job I have ever loved. As my husband has been doing the role since November he was previously flying to his head office and they were handling his transition into the role that way, and although it was a little tricky at first, covid seems to have ironed out all the hard parts of working from home and he has been doing the job this entire time from home and there has been no issues. In fact he's even mentioned a few times himself that others have asked if we are just going to stay here as it is possible to be a manager from here. the more I think about moving, the more I don't want to go. But when I tell my husband he tells me it's too late and we have to go. It took us a really long time to buy our first home and I love this house. My sister has recently had another baby and I definitely don't want to leave her or any of my family for that matter because I am very close to them. I also don't want to leave my job, the people I work with are like a 2nd family to me. But despite all that, my husband still insists we have to go and he won't even consider asking if he could do like a fly in fly out thing where he spends 1 week here and 1 week there. I want to stay together, I want to keep my house, my job and I want to see my niece and nephew grow up before they forget who I am. But he doesn't seem to understand that.If he leaves to go live there and I stay, I will lose the house, my dog & him so I'm having a bit of a crisis about this at the moment and everytime i think about it i burst into tears. I need an outsiders opinion because i feel like a horrible person for not supporting his career but I also am feeling a bit forgotten in all this and like my input does matter.

UncertainlyMe99 Affair with a married man... :/
  • replies: 26

Okay, so this is a really big thing, me writing this. And before I say anything I just want to ask that if you choose to respond, please don't shame me, even though I probably deserve it. I am a 21 year old woman and for a while now I have been havin... View more

Okay, so this is a really big thing, me writing this. And before I say anything I just want to ask that if you choose to respond, please don't shame me, even though I probably deserve it. I am a 21 year old woman and for a while now I have been having relations with a coworker. He is married. No kids. I have been working at this place for over 2 years, and we were such good friends, and were only that, up until a few months ago. I started feeling something when I worked with him (he is actually my boss and is 15 years older), as he started saying things to me which suggested maybe he wanted more. I tried to resist at first as I knew it was wrong and never thought of myself as someone who would ever do something like this. The thing is, we get along so well, and he just loves me for me. I've always had low confidence, low self-esteem, rarely think I'll ever be good enough. And mostly I feel empty and like there isn't anything to look forward to. I never thought someone would ever fancy me and had never been with anyone up to this point. Before anything happened we would hang out a lot after work, sometimes with other workers, but mostly it was mainly just us. We would go and get something to eat, watch movies in the car, or go out and play a game of pool. He has been an amazing part of my life as he is basically the only reason I got my license- as he let me drive his car back home every night after work so I could get my hours up to go for my test. I couldn't drive much with mum as she would stress me out too much, and I don't have anyone else who could have helped me out really. So, usually we would go somewhere, or sometimes we just sat in the car and talked about anything and everything. At this point I never thought anything more of it. I never imagined it to be anything else, he was just a good friend who I knew always made me feel better. He cares deeply about me I know that. And he constantly reassures me of it. I know he wont be leaving his wife, and even if you asked me whether I wanted him to, I can't even really give you an answer. I want him, and maybe even love him... But the whole situation is complicated. We stopped everything for about a week or so, but as I still went to work and saw him all the time, I just couldn't go back to friends. He respected my wishes and tried to resist, but the more he distanced himself, the more I felt like incredibly sad and angry and wanted him back.

Britt86 Unsure of my partners sexuality
  • replies: 4

Hi guys, I'm in some desperate need of advice please. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years and about 2 years ago, I saw a nude photo on my partners phone with a Grindr watermark on it. At the time I wasn't sure what Grindr was so... View more

Hi guys, I'm in some desperate need of advice please. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years and about 2 years ago, I saw a nude photo on my partners phone with a Grindr watermark on it. At the time I wasn't sure what Grindr was so when I looked into it further, I found that he had sent nude photos of himself to guys. As you can imagine I was absolutely heartbroken and I thought that was the end of us. I will never forget the look on his face when he realised what I'd seen. He repeatedly told me that he's not gay and the reason that he sent the photos was to compare his body to other guys to feel better about himself (he's always been self conscious about his body). When I asked why he wouldn't just send photos to girls he said that he's never had luck with girls so the rejection makes him feel worse. Fast forward 2 years and we've bought a house together and I find myself still struggling. Not just with the going behind my back but with the gay thing. It makes it worse because funny enough my sister has just found out that her partner of 3 years is bisexual and attracted to transvestites. When my sister vents to me about her breakup, she always brings my relationship into it and slyly tries to convince me to end my relationship. As of lately, I cannot stop thinking about the potential that he could he gay and I now find myself not wanting to think about the future (marriage, kids, etc). It's so hard because I have major mood swings and some days I feel fine with us and sometimes I can't even look at him. I also become very pursaded by people. If someone tells me I should think a certain way, I do. I'm so confused because I love him so much and I don't want to risk losing him because of my own insecurities. He is so good to me and is always trying to make it up to me because he knows how much the situation hurt me. I would really love to know how I can make piece with what has happened and move on with our relationship. Has anyone ever been in this situation?