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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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white knight Yelling
  • replies: 7

Many here know I'm estranged from my 89yo mother and have been for 9 years. I have zero desire to reconcile. Apart from her narcissism, she had a propensity to yell. A few years ago I decided, as part of my boundaries for others, that I wouldn't tole... View more

Many here know I'm estranged from my 89yo mother and have been for 9 years. I have zero desire to reconcile. Apart from her narcissism, she had a propensity to yell. A few years ago I decided, as part of my boundaries for others, that I wouldn't tolerate being yelled at. That's all well and good however, how to police it? My sister a few years ago began to yell during a disagreement. The story was we both attended a birthday party and upon leaving I was allowed to take some cake home. Upon arriving at home I put the cake in our freezer. My sister immediately believed I was keeping it from her and took offence. I sensed something amiss and two days later rang her to discuss what was on her mind. She started yelling claiming I was inconsiderate. I remained calm so she would calm also but she didn't. The impasse only finished when I asked a question- "whos cake was it" and "why didn't you bring your own" Another arguments came with her last Thursday. Without going into detail instead of remaining calm once she began yelling I yelled back over the phone. This also had limited success . Imo yelling is abuse. I want a yell free life as my anxiety returns in a yelling environment. My sister and I are talking but yelling has now made me wary of any future close relationship. Is it unrealistic to enforce a "no yelling" personal policy?

Just_me_here Husband...
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’m not sure what to write as I am new to this but feel I do need some insight or guidance. my husband and I have been married only 2 years, together for 6 years and we a have a young Son. we both have intense work lives at times which does lead ... View more

Hi, I’m not sure what to write as I am new to this but feel I do need some insight or guidance. my husband and I have been married only 2 years, together for 6 years and we a have a young Son. we both have intense work lives at times which does lead to distraction. Me more than him. I find it difficult to find balance. since I met my husband he has been terrible when drinking heavy alcohol like beers, spirits etc. He becomes quite rude and a bit stupid. I’ve put up with a lot and I’ve had many false promises of change. It causes anxiety when we do go out because I just never really know what the outcome will be. Most “special” occasions are ruined and I feel quite hurt. Of more recent times I’ve noticed alcohol consumption increase (in the past 6-12 months) and we have had a few issues that I have called out and stated I can’t continue to be hurt and let down by him and was told again that he wouldn’t drink. I’ve accepted the apology but then he changed his mind and decided to have this plan that he would drink mid strength beer, but has continued to talk about other events like gin events etc. which leaves me feeling disrespected and let down all over again. for the last few weeks he hasn’t had an issue but has been drinking. But I can’t seem to let all the hurtful events go. It still causes me anxiety. For example I don’t want to go out New Year’s Eve like we normally would because I don’t believe it will be the light hearted fun that it should be and last New Years was horrendous that’s to his consumption level. I’m at the point of considering leaving, as I have done for years. But I’m obviously concerned for our son. There’s a lot to our story but this is the one I can’t seem to move on from, get over and be ok with anymore. There’s so much resentment.

rhinoceros Have just moved out of the family home - serious and unexpected bout of depression
  • replies: 6

Hello friends on beyond blue This is a strange one, in that nothing bad has actually happened. About two years ago I used all my savings to buy a block of land, then did a whole lot more saving and managed to get a house built on said block. This is ... View more

Hello friends on beyond blue This is a strange one, in that nothing bad has actually happened. About two years ago I used all my savings to buy a block of land, then did a whole lot more saving and managed to get a house built on said block. This is my first home. I've been looking forwards to moving in for some time now. It's taken almost a year for the house to be built... I'd eagerly check on the progress several times a week. It's exciting and all positive really. Anyway I moved in last weekend. I found it hard moving all my things there. To put things in perspective I've been living in the same house for the last 27 years (i.e. all my life!). It was very draining emotionally moving things. It made me very sad in many ways. Now that I'm in the house - I'm beyond miserable. It's just so completely and utterly lonely. The first night I was there all I could think about was how much I hated the place. I'm doing a lot better today, but I'm still really depressed. I feel really stupid as I should really be over the moon about all this. It's hard to describe but the main thing is that I feel so lonely. It's really hard to let go and embrace the change. Hoping that things get easier soon, right now I'm really struggling. I'm trying to stay positive as hard as I can.

Mark247 Looking for low-cost counsellor
  • replies: 16

I am trying to find a low-cost counsellor to guide me through separation and divorce. I have tried a couple of popular services but would prefer the same person every session, rather than the next in the queue. I am in a 30 year relationship but I no... View more

I am trying to find a low-cost counsellor to guide me through separation and divorce. I have tried a couple of popular services but would prefer the same person every session, rather than the next in the queue. I am in a 30 year relationship but I now believe I have been abused both mentally and emotionally. I have access to only a small amount of money, so I need a low-cost service. It is also important that it doesn't appear on my medical records, as my wife has access to these. I tried Relationships Australia (SA) but they have nothing available for 8-10 weeks. Any suggestions?

Mark247 Will your marriage survive COVID 19?
  • replies: 12

We have been married nearly 30 years but I suspect this lock-in will be the final nail in the coffin for us. Unfortunately it is not a good time to move out. Is anyone else in this position?

We have been married nearly 30 years but I suspect this lock-in will be the final nail in the coffin for us. Unfortunately it is not a good time to move out. Is anyone else in this position?

Berenbel Partner has untreated ADHD and doesn't help with my anxiety
  • replies: 10

Sorry for the long post - this is a daily struggle of mine. My partner was diagnosed with ADHD when he was younger but his mum chose not to do anything with it because she didn't believe in it. Fast forward to two years ago, the honeymoon phase of ou... View more

Sorry for the long post - this is a daily struggle of mine. My partner was diagnosed with ADHD when he was younger but his mum chose not to do anything with it because she didn't believe in it. Fast forward to two years ago, the honeymoon phase of our relationship had worn off and all his habits and lack of ability to listen was really starting to get to me. He's really messy, and I've always been quite tidy. At the start of our relationship, I would clean up after him, but after a couple years I started asking for his help or even just tidying up after himself. He was almost incapable of this which is when I started to push him to explore ADHD/see if he has it and potentially treat it (he'd do things like lose a cup of coffee by leaving it in the pantry, forget to close the front door because he got a call and our dog would escape, or completely miss a deadline because he fell down an internet rabbit hole). That was about a year ago. Since then, I've had countless emotional breakdowns, I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression (probably had it for years longer) and I see a therapist weekly. Part of my anxiety is largely about having a tidy home, not having clutter everywhere etc. I don’t think I’m OCD but I definitely get angry when things aren’t in the place they belong. I’m the kind of person who leaves a room as if they were never there and he is the kind of person who leaves a room as if he’s been living there for weeks and i have to beg for days for him to tidy. There have been times where I've told him I am not happy at home and I reiterate what I need from him and many times I have threatened to leave because I just can't handle it. Sometimes it's good for a week or so until he goes back to his old habits.I just don't feel like a priority or like he really cares about me and each time I feel let down by him I get so angry! I feel like it's my fault because I'm the one who has the problems and if I didn't have these issues or like things a particular way, everything would be fine. Each time we have a serious discussion, we discuss him going to a GP regarding ADHD and he seems keen to do it but he never follows through and it just becomes this never ending cycle. Can ANYONE relate to anything like this? I'm starting to go insane and question everything about my life and relationship and wonder if I'm only making myself more depressed by living with my partner or being with him at all. I almost feel like I could only be happy by living alone?

Nneesh When you have done and accepted everything to save your marriage
  • replies: 2

Hi i have been reading few posts and found it very helpful but was timid to share my own. thanks for sharing. Met my husband 7 years ago on a dating site. He seemed wonderful and very caring and loving. At that time he was in the process of separatin... View more

Hi i have been reading few posts and found it very helpful but was timid to share my own. thanks for sharing. Met my husband 7 years ago on a dating site. He seemed wonderful and very caring and loving. At that time he was in the process of separating with his ex wife marriage that lasted18 years. We started to date and he finally asked to move in with me after 3 months as he was selling his place. Everything seemed perfect, he was giving me loads of attention. We decided after try for a child because of my biological clock. After 1 and half years my daughter was born and I had a very difficult pregnancy with gestational diabetes and insulin etc. on the day my daughter was born I could see a change in him, as I I never existed all the attention went on her. I was ok with this as I thought he was first time dad. The neglect continued and although he was here I felt less love and attention. Things got worst over the last few years a lot of arguments about parenting styles as we belong to different race and culture. family issues from his side, his mother is controlling and racist towards me although she lives overseas she has a strong hold on him, constant messaging and calls. That surprised initially that a man in his 50s will just talk to his mum, share everything what is happening in our couple with her. Besides being in Australia for 22 years now my husband has not a single friend or a social circle. He just knows his job and exercise workout. The last 3 years things have gone worst, it started with verbal abuse and then physical abuse several times. He has threatened to leave the home may be 10 times now and I have tried convincing to come back, it’s been back and forth loading his stuff and unloading his stuff. I have reported the abuse to police twice and getting support and counselling from more than a year now. 2 months ago I had to report threat for physical aggression again and this police decided for an exclusion intervention order. will appreciate any feedback . Thanks and it’s takes courage to share.

Shelly1901 Partners alcohol misuse and abuse
  • replies: 4

Hi, my story is long and spans over 8 years with my current partner. I have a daughter(12) from a previous relationship and we share a son(6) together. Basically over the past 6 years Ive noticed a few things that keep reoccurring. My partner has alw... View more

Hi, my story is long and spans over 8 years with my current partner. I have a daughter(12) from a previous relationship and we share a son(6) together. Basically over the past 6 years Ive noticed a few things that keep reoccurring. My partner has always been a beer drinker but of late (year and half) I've noticed him being more drunk than normal. I've found bottles of vodka and wine casks hidden in the garage and In his back shed. I've confronted him about it and he admitted to it but still continues to hide it or lie about drinking it when I can smell it on his breath. When he is drunk he will pursue in sexual convos including photos with women whether it be ex gfs or ex work colleagues. Recently I had one of his ex colleagues msg me regarding a msg he had sent her, it was a disgusting emoji sext. I'm yet to confront him about it. These have been ongoing for probably our whole relationship but I didn't see it till 6 years ago. He made a dating profile this year, his reason was because he was looking for me on there. My phone is always open whereas his has a fingerprint scanner. If I have conversations with male colleagues via messenger, whether it be work related or just something funny he says they're trying to crack onto me which is not the case at all. In the past 6 years he's changed jobs 8 times, he hides vodka in his water bottles and powerade bottles. It's just non stop and I've got to the point where I'm tired of trying to help him when he's not doing anything to help himself. I dread coming home to see what state he is in and what outburst he's going to have. He constantly blames me and my daughter for his anger. He's never threatened or hurt us physically in any way but the emotional damage is taking its toll. Yet when he's sober we are the happiest family you'd ever meet?? I've broached his mum in the past about it but shes very religion orientated, just gives me quotes from the Bible which doesn't help. There's so much more but this is it in a nutshell of the things constantly happening time and time again. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted, I've asked him to leave, he doesn't understand that we cannot heal whilst living under the same roof. He thinks I want him to leave so I can start seeing someone new but I have no interest in anybody, I just want to be happy and see my kids happy and not feel constantly under threat of attack from the alcohol induced side of him. My heart is broken and my mind is on overdrive all the time.

sarah5505 My online best friend told me that she needs to disconnect for a bit. What should I do?
  • replies: 5

My online best friend told me that she needs to stay off social media for a while to cope with things in her personal life and social media is becoming too much. She told me it's not me and I haven't done anything wrong, but as someone who suffers fr... View more

My online best friend told me that she needs to stay off social media for a while to cope with things in her personal life and social media is becoming too much. She told me it's not me and I haven't done anything wrong, but as someone who suffers from social anxiety I can't help but feel like it's me and I have pushed her away. What should I do? I want to give her space but also don't want to loose her. Should I message her again in 2 weeks or so? I'm incredibly close to her, it's a legit friendship and we have been talking for 2 years. I just feel worried and honestly a little hurt.

Treader Partners Family excludes me.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years we have lived together For 7years.His family never wanting to meet me For over 6 years then one random time I got asked for Xmas Drinks at 7pm xmas night. I have only probably seen his child... View more

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years we have lived together For 7years.His family never wanting to meet me For over 6 years then one random time I got asked for Xmas Drinks at 7pm xmas night. I have only probably seen his children on maybe 6 occasions. I don't get invite to family gatherings. Which I'm ok with as his ex Wife goes and they do and have family time. But I've found out the last few times his ex wife partner goes.Ive read Texts were my partner has been invited or asked to do stuff. But my Name is never mentioned.But ex wife partners is. On rare occasions when they see me they are polite. But that's it. I have spoke to my partner about it. And he said it's me that I'm Working all the time and I don't try with them. I defended myself and said I'm never invite. He said yes you are. I Said my names never included in messages etc. He said it was me and I needed to make a effort. So I tried when it Was partners bday I was invited. So I said to party I'd be going took Day off work.He phoned them and they said ohh yeah sure she can Come.then next morning phone and said sorry due to covid19 numbers At place are reach. I thought ok fair enough totally understand.then when he came Home he said ohh kids said you could of came heaps of room hardly Any people. I always send his kids n grand kids money and gifts.As painter would Forget lol. I send message to check in or wish happy birthday etc.Ive never gotten Or received anything. One of his children have had a baby I have had hampers delivered Tried to be supportive etc. In front of partner asked if I'd had all my vacs which I said yes.Ohh Good u can meet bub. Bub came and told no its for Immediate family only until bubs needles. then I have to produce a medical certificate to prove I've had my vaccination. But baby's now 6mths im yet to meet.Im feeling so deflated I'm not perfect But I try to fit in and be nice but not over step any marks etc. I need advice on what to do this is eating me up. And now on odd occasion I see them im sick with stress and anxiety. Help!