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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Selim Is it worth waiting for someone who you’re sure about?
  • replies: 3

So I’m dealing with a lot of things which make me quite unhappy including my desire to transition to live as a female and having a crush on someone who I haven talked to in years. Starting off is my crush who I’m not so sure about if she even likes m... View more

So I’m dealing with a lot of things which make me quite unhappy including my desire to transition to live as a female and having a crush on someone who I haven talked to in years. Starting off is my crush who I’m not so sure about if she even likes me and we haven’t talked in years. She is on one of my social media accounts but I tried to add her on Facebook as well but no response. I wanted to initiate a conversation on Facebook with her but even last time about four years ago when I sent her a message she didn’t even respond. I am scared that if I message her on my other social media account that she won’t event respond. the Other problem is my gender identity. Even if she wants to talk to me I am not sure if she wants to be together with me because I want to be a woman. like I’m not sure if her sexuality and am guessing she likes only guys. I haven’t even transitioned yet and this makes me quite unhappy as well due to being unable to afford to pay for the associated costs with preserving my fertility. Now if she wants be with me but I want to transition before that even eventuates, I am going to be unhappy as well because I can’t have kids wir her. should I just try to talk to her and see what happens? I guess I’m just scared about being hurt again because I had other problems with a different girl about 6 years ago which hurt me quite a lot already and both girls are from the same uni that I used to go to as well.

EmmaHopeful Long story - I need perspective domestic abuse?
  • replies: 5

This is my first post and I really need help understanding how I can resolve my situation. Thanks in advance. I have 4 children from my 1st marriage which ended when my youngest was 3 by the time my youngest was 5 I'd married an old friend who I'd re... View more

This is my first post and I really need help understanding how I can resolve my situation. Thanks in advance. I have 4 children from my 1st marriage which ended when my youngest was 3 by the time my youngest was 5 I'd married an old friend who I'd reconnected with. The kids adored him and he was kind and patient, a few months after we got married he lost his temper with one of the kids and was bemused as to why we were all so upset, I parented with mutual respect and the kids had never been spoken to like that (shouting, demanding, authoritarian - as per his own upbringing) - that was my first inkling that parenting with him might be difficult. Over the years he'd loose his temper periodically, I'd intervene and address how what he said could be damaging and that he needed to manage his anger better, he'd always apologise, the kids would accept it and we would all move on. Move forward five years and life was tough (work, financial etc.) and my husbands temper grew worse, our emerging teen daughters would argue constantly and one day he really lost his temper, he held my thirteen year old against a wall with his arm under her chin and punched the wall right next to her head. I said that if anything like that happened again we would leave and that he had to get help for his anger. He did and he has never done anything physical like that again but the temper outbursts, unreasonable expectations as to their behaviour ('do as I say not what I do') and general 'grumpiness' (which really was just a blameless way of saying hostility) led to the kids walking on egg shells and being wary of him. I increasingly grew more passive (my psychologist says learned helplessness) and although I intervened when things got particularly nasty, nothing ever changed and with two more children, a mortgage and a business in common I felt unable to do anything other than mitigate, excuse and counter his behaviour. My 3 eldest have left home, the two oldest boys love my husband as their own Dad but my eldest daughter has disowned us due to my husbands behaviour and my lack of protection. The youngest of the 4 is home still but mentally has a lot of problems which have culminated in a suicide attempt and ongoing self harm (there are other factors too - bullying from peers, her bio father left without a trace, gender dysphoria) for which she is getting the help she needs. Please read first comment with the rest of this, thanks

Orchard Difficulty with self worth and control.
  • replies: 6

My partner has previously cheated on me while on a break- which was heartbreaking in itself. Now, months on the thoughts and the ramifications are within my mind, like an annoying fly that just buzzed around constantly, how do you move past the hurt,... View more

My partner has previously cheated on me while on a break- which was heartbreaking in itself. Now, months on the thoughts and the ramifications are within my mind, like an annoying fly that just buzzed around constantly, how do you move past the hurt, the betrayal and believe that he is telling the truth now, we will go through a really good patch then something will set me off. I hate feeling like this, I despise the thoughts, the loneliness and most of the time I am alone so they're just rolling around freely. I know it's not in my head but I just feel worthless and nothing I say makes any difference because it is not being validated not being heard. Who on here has some insightful techniques that will help process this information and move on.

Kaur_K Feeling lonely
  • replies: 3

After many years in an unhappy marriage we have separated again, probably the fifth time and as usual feeling depressed and sad....

After many years in an unhappy marriage we have separated again, probably the fifth time and as usual feeling depressed and sad....

Clear82 I know I’m not alone with this but I feel it....
  • replies: 3

I knew I was checking to see when my bf or friends were last online on WhatsApp. I would then wonder who they are talking to and/or why they weren’t replying to my message. My bf bought it to my attention and said are you stalking when I’m online cau... View more

I knew I was checking to see when my bf or friends were last online on WhatsApp. I would then wonder who they are talking to and/or why they weren’t replying to my message. My bf bought it to my attention and said are you stalking when I’m online cause I don’t really use WhatsApp but just started this obsession of checking it. So I’d be online more or last seen. I’ve deleted the app now which i know is best. It’s just brought on a flood of tears and emotions. I know it’s a trust and jealously issue. But also I have a fear of being alone. It’s loads of things. Just wanted to share and not feel so alone.

pgsc I know others have it worse, but...
  • replies: 8

Things were relatively ok until Dec 2019. Lovely (Thai) wife, married 16 years at that point, absoloutly NO fights in that time (yes, I AM proud of that). Then things went rapidly south. Dementia hit her like a tonne of bricks. By the end of March, s... View more

Things were relatively ok until Dec 2019. Lovely (Thai) wife, married 16 years at that point, absoloutly NO fights in that time (yes, I AM proud of that). Then things went rapidly south. Dementia hit her like a tonne of bricks. By the end of March, she could not be left alone. Early May, she went into hospital where she stayed for 12 weeks. From there to a nursing home, as I could not work and look after her at the same time. The day she was moved, she physically assaulted me in the hospital. She was down to about 36kg & I am over 100kg. It took 4 days for the bruises to not be as noticeable. The tranquilisers she was given then should have worked in 30 minutes on me. It took over 90 minutes on her. She was one angry lass. The nursing home is 'ok'. Few interesting ideas like trying to charge $120+/month for internet to someone who can't use it. Charging over double street price for medication... things I would not succumb to. I have seen her once since the end of July. That is not my choice. Part of it is due to the constant COVID lockdowns (Thanks, President Xi!) part because she does not believe she is married. Some days I am OK. Some days it takes nothing at all to set me off. A lot of days I am a crying mess. Like now. I believe I have alienated a lot of people due to this. I'm reluctant to say much more than "I'm OK" to anyone now. I think my only friend is made of glass & can be replaced easily. I'm ready to put a DNAR (Do Not Attempt Recusitation) on her med file now. She is alive, but has no life. It is not what I want - I want her home, safe, healthy & well, but that is not going to happen - it is what is best for her. As she got worse, she wanted to go home. Her family wants her home. A certain (very) large Asian country has made sure that is not possible. I don't want her to go home, but I do understand she needs the family/village support that I cannot possibly give. So I yeild. At the first practial opportunity, she will go home. The fights with Centrelink (who wanted her to look for work), My Aged Care (who do nothing for her that I can see), NDIS (who have been a little bit helpful), the bank (who froze her account as paying her nursing home bills is a fraudulent activity) & the local police (who sent someone with negligible training & his head rammed firmly where the sun doesn't shine (although according to his station: it does) has left m in a worse state. Employer has been good, but that won't last forever... running out of options.

Sarah_B1 Partner has lied so many times I can’t trust him
  • replies: 8

When I first met my partner 5 years ago, he was hardworking, family orientated & great to get along with. We travelled & got engaged however things started to change around 2.5 years ago. He began asking for money (ranging from $100-$1000) every 2-4 ... View more

When I first met my partner 5 years ago, he was hardworking, family orientated & great to get along with. We travelled & got engaged however things started to change around 2.5 years ago. He began asking for money (ranging from $100-$1000) every 2-4 days and would get nasty if I wanted to know what it was for or if I said no. He became distant from his large family & slept for days on end (every weekend). November last year, i went through his phone (wish I had done it sooner) because I became really suspicious of his behaviour- he sleeps with his phone turned off inside his pillow case. I found out he was doing drugs (pretty much begging for it). He denied it & I left him. He begged & begged for me to take him back & said he was doing drugs but he could stop. Months of him coming to my work every day & calling/messaging, I took him back. He had lost everything. His business, his car, property, savings & has ended up with a $40,000 debt all from drugs & gambelling. A few weeks after taking him back, I found a pipe in his car & saw messages of him again asking for drugs & borrowing money from everyone he knew for it. Again, he denied it then eventually admitted when I kicked him out. He again begged & begged me to stay & said he would go to rehab. He went down to a $30,000 rehab clinic & seemed back to normal when he got out. He stuck with his routine for 2 weeks then began acting strange again. Going for drives at 3am most mornings to “get a burger” or to “get phone credit”. I found a pipe in the bathroom cupboard & a work colleague of mine saw him smoking drugs on the side of my road In my car. I kicked him out again & he blamed me for his relapse & said I am his trigger. Despite this, he is begging me to forgive him & help him move forward. My heart is completely shattered. I work full time & study full time so I have had no time to look after my own well-being. I feel broken. I want to have a family & if I leave for good, I am scared I will throw my chances away (I am nearly 29). I also found out he had been sleeping with prostitutes this year - we have been rocky but I know I would have paid for them all & I know he would have been with me after them all. I love him & miss him when I’m not with him.. more so because he tells me how much he needs me & now he wants us to work on things so we can build a future. I don’t know whether I am being too harsh. seems like everyone is doing drugs these days.

AussieFellaQ Feel like giving up on love
  • replies: 4

Hi there I'm in my 30's and new member. Kinda nervous about posting how I feel. Don't know where to begin so I'll do my best I suffer from Depression and anxiety and I'm also Gay for most of my life I've wanted nothing more than too be loved and too ... View more

Hi there I'm in my 30's and new member. Kinda nervous about posting how I feel. Don't know where to begin so I'll do my best I suffer from Depression and anxiety and I'm also Gay for most of my life I've wanted nothing more than too be loved and too give love. I've had a few failed relationships one was a Girl back in my teens then I figured out I was gay not long after I re content with my old school mate We was together for near on year before he cheated. Once Ingot past that it took a while too put myself back out there. When I finally did, I met this guy who I thought was terrific I built a friendship with this guy. for nearly 6 years. Eventually we got together in 2019 and I let him move in with myself and my family. Only too discover that four months later he was not the person I thought he was. He was addicted to drugs and started with abuse of all kinds and I kept telling myself. It's okay he's going through a lot so I stayed in the relationship hoping that one day he will go back too the person I first fell for. I kept telling myself he's only hurting me because he's been through some bad things and I didn't want too give up on him because I always give people chances and even tho my family told me and friends told me he is not right for you he won't change. I still believed he would and still kinda do even now I'm not with him no more. I keep telling myself every day that he is no good for me and it takes a lot out of me trying not too contact him. But on the other hand I hate what he has done too me from the abuse and I feel like he's destroyed everything about me I feel like I won't ever be able too fall in love again and that I'm too damaged for anyone too have. I feel like I'm not worthy enough or too ugly not smart and I just can't see myself in the future ever wanting too open up or love someone ever again. I feel like and know that I won't be able too or too trust again because in my mind I'll be thinking what if they hurt me what if I get cheated on and the thought of that I cant do. And recently I've been thinking it's not worth the Hart ace because I know I could not stand too get my heart broken again. An I don't know what else too do because ATM I feel completely alone. Even tho I've got loving family I just feel empty hurt and feel Like I won't ever be able too trust or love no one else again.

Outofoptions My son hates me!
  • replies: 3

I really need help. I feel like I cannot do this anymore and seriously want out. I feel selfish for thinking this way because so many people lose their lives to disease, and here I am just unable to cope anymore! I'm a single mum to two boys,10 and 2... View more

I really need help. I feel like I cannot do this anymore and seriously want out. I feel selfish for thinking this way because so many people lose their lives to disease, and here I am just unable to cope anymore! I'm a single mum to two boys,10 and 2, and my eldest hates me. He tells me to f off, if I tell him something is happening the next day he will just blaintantly refuse and just say "I SAID NO". It doesn't sound like much but I cannot stress just how bad it is, he throws things at me, punches walls, slams the door in his brothers face and says he is going to kill himself. I can't get him in the car if he knows I am taking him to a hospital. He has taken a knife to his room before and locked his brother and myself out of the house resulting in the police being called. He got taken to PCH but nothing was done, he wasn't admitted, there were no follow ups nothing. Honestly I'm at serious breaking point! Help!

Sad2021 Cheating
  • replies: 15

I have been with my husband for 14 years married 8, we have two children 10 & 8. I have just caught him emotionally cheating on my for the 6th time throughout our relationship. The first few times I caught him we were young and it was fresh relations... View more

I have been with my husband for 14 years married 8, we have two children 10 & 8. I have just caught him emotionally cheating on my for the 6th time throughout our relationship. The first few times I caught him we were young and it was fresh relationship so I just put it down to being immature (Stupid I know) then I found him texting someone when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child and 2 months away from being married. He said nothing sexual ever happened and it was just texting, I guess we were a family and I didn’t want to be the person to break it up. You see everyone thinks he is amazing, I get told it on a daily basis how lucky am I to have someone like him. I have never told anyone about what I have discovered over and over again, I have always protected his ego. Well we had our second baby and he was a very difficult baby with lots of complications, I know I neglected the relationship but I was trying to survive with this new baby, I lost my sex drive completely and it has never returned I have been to Drs and get the same line every time your a Mum it will come back no one helps. Then a few years ago my husband had an accident and was in hospital for 2 months I went every day, almost neglecting my children this time because I was so worried about him. I nursed him back to health only to find him texting someone again, again I made excuses for him like he had just been through trauma so let it pass. This time I have caught him again but I don’t think I can let it pass, I am so broken that my son asks me everyday if I am better yet or still sick. I feel empty and lost and like I have no purpose in this world. He says he loves me and is begging me to go to therapy with him but I have heard it all before. He says he speaks to them because I am not sexual enough anymore and he misses that. I have also put on a lot of weight and he says that I won’t dress for him or met his needs. I feel like I am getting the blame for all his bad behaviour, we have sex twice a week and it has gotten a little bit routine but when I have no sex drive, I am exhausted looking after the kids and working full time and have trust issues because he always finds someone else what am I meant to do? I know I will get the blame if I end this, I know everyone will say I have up on the relationship and that’s because I can’t tell people what he has done I am not that person to air my dirty laundry but I also can’t be the bad guy in this. I am so so lost, I am so so broken.