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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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TTorna Emotional Blunting/Detatchment
  • replies: 13

Hi all, Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but I couldn't find much related to this issue. I've been dating a very close friend of mine for 6-8 weeks. We've been best friends for about 10 years prior to this. Things were going very well, unti... View more

Hi all, Sorry if this is the wrong forum for this, but I couldn't find much related to this issue. I've been dating a very close friend of mine for 6-8 weeks. We've been best friends for about 10 years prior to this. Things were going very well, until she told family about me and her family reacted badly. This negative response triggered her somehow and now she feels what she describes as emotional numbness towards me. No romantic feelings anymore. I'm very hurt, but she told me it isn't anything I've done, and that she thinks it is her brain's response to a negative response. She wants to stay together and try to work it out, which we have been trying. As far as I researched, emotional numbness/detatchment is a thing but I don't quite understand it and I want to understand it more. I'm not sure if I'm a fool for staying or if it is something that will eventually pass. She keeps saying she was very happy with us before and where we were going before the emotional detatchment for me she now feels. It's been a week and a half, and I have to say it has been very difficult to accept she feels nothing and watching her be distant to me while she tries to also let me know she still wants this to work. I really want to work through it, but I'm not sure if it's just something permanent that has cut her feelings towards me. Has anyone experienced this in family or friends/partners? She says she's not depressed, which I know numbness can be depression, but it seems to be focused only towards me, which I don't get as I was not the one who upset her. I guess my question is: how do you help someone with emotional detatchment/numbness towards you? Thank you.

Pete80 No love for my wife- is it all over
  • replies: 3

Hi first time poster so bit nervous but here goes. I'm Male 40, married for 10 years to my partner of over 20 years with two beautiful kids but....there is more. Ever since the birth of our last child in 2013 I have had sex 5 times with my wife. Thin... View more

Hi first time poster so bit nervous but here goes. I'm Male 40, married for 10 years to my partner of over 20 years with two beautiful kids but....there is more. Ever since the birth of our last child in 2013 I have had sex 5 times with my wife. Think about that. For me sex was such a large part of my life pre kids and i never considered it might one day stop certianly not in my late 30s. I still have a high sex drive and I find it very difficult to be denied time after time. I've turned to porn to substitute the sexual craving because i cannot cheat and I never would. Over the last two years I've become completely detached from my wife. I don't sleep in the same bed, I dont feel any sexual or physical attraction to her whatsoever. It's got to the point that I actually dont want to go anywhere with her. My social life is completely down the drain, I have no friends and basically no life. Apart from my love of the kids and outdoor activities (fishing etc) I have nothing. I cant work out if I'm the cause of this or this is a genuine dislike of my partner. She says she loves me but honestly do not love her anymore. I am a successful professional worker and i am think I am liked at work..I get on better with work colleagues than I do with my wife. I truly do not know what to do. I have discussed this with her but we can never be civil as she just goes on the back foot instantly and throws all back on me. I hate my life at the moment and I really want a solution to this shit. It really hurts me to think about what impact this might have on the kids and it upsets me to think what a life might be like without them all the time. Any help much appreciated Pete

DontGiveUp2 Several major life events at the same time
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and felt like it would help me a lot to reach out for support from forum members. I currently have anxiety and depression and am on medication. My GP is great and regularly reviews my condition. I live on a farm and... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and felt like it would help me a lot to reach out for support from forum members. I currently have anxiety and depression and am on medication. My GP is great and regularly reviews my condition. I live on a farm and am married with 3 children aged 14, 12 and 8. Since mid last year, things have been super tough. We were handfeeding stock and buying drinking water for over 18 months. Then came the fires, followed by the pandemic. It has been exhausting and I don't have much left in reserve. My marriage is under great strain and we are in financial hardship. My life is complicated with a husband who has complex PTSD after working as a police officer. Unfortunately my mum has early onset dementia and is in residential care. She recently became very sick when the nursing home was closed to visitors and we could not see her. After a battle with the nursing home, she was admitted to hospital with a blood clot from her knee to groin and pneumonia. Our family were convinced if we had not pushed for Mums treatment, she would have died. This happened in April and she can no longer walk and has lost a lot of weight. I feel like I can cope with drought, fires, COVID-19, my mental health condition and husband's PTSD - but I can't cope with my Mum being very sick and maybe passing away. Even though I know she has a condition whereby she will continue to deteriorate, it seems cruel and inhumane to allow someone with dementia not be able to get treatment for another illness. I am crying as I type. It is so hard and it doesn't seem fair to have one difficult event happen after the other. I know I can't change things, but it does help to reach out and tell someone what is worrying me.

imbadwithnames Don't know how to tell my mother that she isn't the victim
  • replies: 4

Hi guys! I have had a very strained relationship with both of my parents for a long time. (Trigger Warning: Abuse) My mum dated an abusive man for 4 years and let him physcially, mentally and emotionally abuse me and didn't step in or do anything, an... View more

Hi guys! I have had a very strained relationship with both of my parents for a long time. (Trigger Warning: Abuse) My mum dated an abusive man for 4 years and let him physcially, mentally and emotionally abuse me and didn't step in or do anything, and instead chastised me for being disrespectful when my friends would tell her that I thought I was living in a toxic situation and both my mum and bf gasslighted the heck out of me. My dad and I are better but we still have a lot of issues with him refusing to take me to therapy when I clearly needed it because he wanted "one normal child" and refused to believe there was anything wrong with me. But this post is about my mother. I live in Victoria, and I am moving back to my home state to live with my dad due to abusive housemates (abuse all around, love that for me) ending the lease in the middle of a COVID pandemic because they know I have nowhere to go. However with the increase in cases and the increase in lockdown this is, obviously, very hard. My mother only started talking to me again after like 6 months when my friend messaged her and told her I was suicidal (I told her in confidence and she betrayed that, but we are getting through that). In the many years I have been in Melbourne she has come down to see me... once? maybe? I do not enjoy being around her and feel a lot of toxicity surrounding her. There has been a lot of forms only she can fill out from my home state to get me in so she has been doing a lot, however every time something new happens, it's my job to comfort HER. Stage 4 lockdown yesterday? Oh she's so upset I need to call her to make sure she's okay (like sure, one of us is going to be homeless and one of us is living in a big house with a pool, which one is struggling more). When I told her I was struggling she turned it into a woe is me party and was like "and I can't do anything from so far way I'm struggling so much" and started crying on the phone. It feels like she is playing the victim and providing no support to the actual victim, me. How can I stop this or tell her she's not the victim?

Rex007 Infatuation in marriage
  • replies: 42

Hi My wife of 17years is infatuated on another guy living overseas. She claims that he is like the brothers she doesn't have but earlier on in there relationship she told me that she had fantacised about him once. She said that it was a mistake and t... View more

Hi My wife of 17years is infatuated on another guy living overseas. She claims that he is like the brothers she doesn't have but earlier on in there relationship she told me that she had fantacised about him once. She said that it was a mistake and that she doesn't think of him in a physical way. However she talks to him twice a day - Every day. I've told her how upset it makes me feel but she just says that she can't control her feelings. It hurts so much that I don't sleep at night. She sleeps just fine. The only reason that I'm still here (apart from our two kids that I love) is t that I still love her. I also know that for t h e l as t few years she has struggled with mental health issues to do with her family. I supported her as best I could through it all The strange thing is that this guy is the total opposite personality type and I know that she would never leave the kids to be with him for so many reasons. I have been seeing a councillor regarding my feelings and we are also seeing a Separate marriage councillor to work on our marriage. His strategy is for us to explore other interests so that we can have something different to talk about. Only I feel with the hurt I'm feeling I'm likely to run off with the first person that showed half an interest in me. It's not what I want. Unfortunately my wife is my one and only best friend which makes the thought of separating impossible to bear. I'm really confused and gave no idea what to do. I'd love to hear any suggestions or hear from anyone that has been t through something similar P,S, I have this guy as my Facebook friend - I feel like telling him to go away because I think he would. But if my wife found out our marriage would be over anyway

Cheryanne Lost
  • replies: 2

I am nearly 60 years old. Was in a very volatile relationship for 15 year’s. I finally had enough with him about 1 month ago. He was not affectionate at all, no cuddles no kisses, nothing, and I’d had enough, so I walked out with my things. We didn’t... View more

I am nearly 60 years old. Was in a very volatile relationship for 15 year’s. I finally had enough with him about 1 month ago. He was not affectionate at all, no cuddles no kisses, nothing, and I’d had enough, so I walked out with my things. We didn’t live together, we had in the past. I would drive 1/2 hour to visit. His daughter lives next door, and she has 3 beautiful children, my grandchildren. They loved me , and I them. They have been banned from seeing me. So I lost them as well. And I miss them terribly. I’m retired. And this virus is so so awful, with everything else going on. I feel lost, so lonely, and just want to curl up and die. And I don’t know what to do.

lannamc Partner gone to UK during unplanned pregnancy, grieving
  • replies: 12

Hello, I am in need of some advice and your opinions on my situation. If I could just describe my situation first - I hope it isn’t too long-winded. I have been in a relationship with my partner (not married) for almost 3 years. I was previously in a... View more

Hello, I am in need of some advice and your opinions on my situation. If I could just describe my situation first - I hope it isn’t too long-winded. I have been in a relationship with my partner (not married) for almost 3 years. I was previously in a very abuse relationship for two decades which five years ago I finally left. My partner lives in UK and since we have been together we have both travelled to see one another. As I have children, traveling can be quite difficult and so he has more frequently come to visit me in Australia. Early February he came over for what we thought at the time would be a few weeks. When lockdown came in to affect he decided to stay here with me, which was great as we got more time together and he helped me with my children’s home schooling and we all seemed to make the most out of a difficult time. During the last week of him being here my mother passed away in UK and this hit me like a tonne of bricks - the fact that I couldn’t travel to see her or attend her funeral caused me a lot of distress. I then discovered that I was pregnant. I discussed this with my partner and while he was caring, he kept affirming that he was going back to UK on the agreed date. I understood his desire to return to UK, but he also kept saying how he currently had no work to return to and acknowledged that his leaving would mean that we could not see each other for potentially a year due to travel bans, that I’d have to process the emotional impact of pregnancy alone and grieve my mother without his support. He admitted that there was nothing urgent or compelling for him to return to the Uk immediately for. We had also applied for a new visa for him while he was here and it had a few weeks left to be processed and probably granted - but the fact he went offshore meant his application was withdrawn and now has no visa. I tried to be strong as I knew he wanted to go home, but as my distress over an unplanned pregnancy, my mother passing and all of the uncertainties in the world, I felt strongly that I just wanted him to stay, at least to decide what to do about my pregnancy and to be here to support me through a termination. He kept telling me that while he had no work and no commitments and not really much to go back immediately for, that he just felt the urge to go. t was quite hard to take but I felt I couldn’t really make any more of a case for him to stay as I felt if death and pregnancy and current world uncertainties weren’t enough, then what else can I say or do! I also really did not want to have to persuade someone to staying he cared and loved me then he’d want to stay. I felt he should want to given all of the circumstances. So he left early July and promised to be in touch via telephone and messages. It was a huge shock to be suddenly alone after all of those months together and to be in a state of grief over my mum and in shock about an unplanned pregnancy and the prospect of not being able to travel. I was a wreck when he left but he reassured me that he would be in close touch to provide support. I heard nothing from him for 10 days after he left the airport. I was very distressed and concerned about him, not knowing what to think. It finally turned out that he had gone home and gone on an bender of drinking and catching up with friends - blanking me out and putting me through so much worry. Fast forward to now, we are speaking over the phone, but it is so difficult as I am facing a termination, still having issues with some of my UK family over my absence at my mums funeral (they don’t seem to understand the travel restrictions here) and while I need and want to be in touch with him, it is so difficult to speak to him now that he is seemingly carefree and tells me he’s been out to the pub all night in British summertime, catching up with friends..while I desperately needed his support here, even if only a few more weeks. It just hurts as I really needed the support and given that we are now separated indefinitely, I can’t help but be upset that he has essentially left me to deal with all of this alone while he chills out in UK and enjoys his summer...meanwhile I am sick, overworked, facing a termination alone (which due to my abusive past absolutely terrifies me, and he knows this) and grieving the loss of my mum. Am I wrong to have wanted him to stay? Am I being unfair? What does it take for someone to just care enough to want to support me..I just feel broken. I just can’t help but feel abandoned at my time of great need, and for what? A drink in the pub? Any comments or advice would be great. Thanks and sorry it is so long. x

Mmali Lost myself trying to please husband
  • replies: 18

Hi, I was a bit hesitant to reach out at first but feel its necessary now. For the past 15 years i have been married to a person who only knows how to suck my energy and I have till now done whatever i could to please him to avoid his anger and feare... View more

Hi, I was a bit hesitant to reach out at first but feel its necessary now. For the past 15 years i have been married to a person who only knows how to suck my energy and I have till now done whatever i could to please him to avoid his anger and feared confrontation. This means I dress the way he wants me to do, say things that he loves to hear and talk to people he approves of. He even decides where i go and where i cannot go. I am now sick of it and feel i have unconsciously given my power to someone who is not even worth it. I am now realising what happened all this time where i was forced to do so many things by being blamed and shamed. I was miserable yet i did things so that he is happy. I would like to know if someone else has a similar experience like me and how did you deal with it. I am now focussing on setting boundaries and also trying to figure out what i want and what i like.

Heavensdj Feeling manipulated
  • replies: 4

Hi all ..new here and just desperate for help. I have such a long backstory that would be relevant to my issue atm but just want to ask one question of the community right now. My husband and I are currently separated but trying to make it work again... View more

Hi all ..new here and just desperate for help. I have such a long backstory that would be relevant to my issue atm but just want to ask one question of the community right now. My husband and I are currently separated but trying to make it work again. We maintain separate houses and bills etc and I have our 3 kids. Recently my middle child, who is 16, has fallen in with a bad group and has begun running round committing crimes and is now up on charges with a potential sentance when he goes to court. He says he done all this to get my attention and to stop me from visiting his father. That if I stop seeing him he will straighten back up and stop. My sister says my kids should come first and that I should walk away from my husband and that if we really cared about our son we would try again later when he is 18. I feel this is emotional blackmail...my happiness is not important as long as my son is happy. What do others here think? Should I give up on my love and the one person that makes me feel safe or should tell my son he can't do this to me?

Mumof4_88 Depressed 11 year old Son
  • replies: 1

Hi all, i am having issues with my 11 year old son and being depressed. Long story short his father was sent to prison last year for offences he committed against our 9 year old daughter. Since then i have struggled with my older boy, he is angry, up... View more

Hi all, i am having issues with my 11 year old son and being depressed. Long story short his father was sent to prison last year for offences he committed against our 9 year old daughter. Since then i have struggled with my older boy, he is angry, upset, down, miserable and absolutely hates me. He has mentioned that our house is a dead place as that is where he is going to die and that we don't want him apart of our family. He can never answer me and tell me what's wrong and i cant get through to him. He sees a councilor through school and also a psychologist on a fortnightly basis. What else can i do to support him as I'm completely lost. He wont listen and is often in trouble for his behaviour ie: not listening, being nasty to his siblings, speaking rudely, lashing out. Any suggestions would be great