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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Rowan85 Lost
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm posting this because I feel so lost and I am struggling to connect with those around me, I just do t feel they get where I am at and I was hoping there might be someone out there that might get what I'm going through. I'm 35 and my wife of 10... View more

Hi, I'm posting this because I feel so lost and I am struggling to connect with those around me, I just do t feel they get where I am at and I was hoping there might be someone out there that might get what I'm going through. I'm 35 and my wife of 10 years has just told me she is no longer in love with me and has felt this way for a while. I made the decision to move out hoping that some time apart might change things. But after 2 months we are in the same place we were 2 mo tha ago. My family seems to resent my presence and don't understand that I still love her and I cant just let her go. I just feel the one person I have found in my life who really gets me and makes me feel whole and safe is gone, and now everyone around me expects me to move on and not think about it. I still love her and wish that she would call me and ask for us to back to the way it was. I just can't let her go, not yet. But everyone wants me to move forward, they don't like who I am now and want me to be back to my happy self, little can they realise that I can't be that person because i am truly lost without her. I am adrift and am not sure where my life is ment to go from here.

aj456 overly critical parents?
  • replies: 3

Hi there, this is my first time posting on a forum but I really felt I needed advice. More and more my mother is becoming critical of what I do and criticising my every move, while my father (when he is home) lashes out at me if I make a wrong move. ... View more

Hi there, this is my first time posting on a forum but I really felt I needed advice. More and more my mother is becoming critical of what I do and criticising my every move, while my father (when he is home) lashes out at me if I make a wrong move. Then when they’re in the same room together they don’t really talk, just argue. But my mum is the type of person that wouldn’t get divorced until my younger siblings finish school so they don’t “disrupt” our lives but at this point I feel like it would make our life better. I have epilepsy and have for nearly five years, which means constantly being fussed about whether it’s my sleep schedule, taking medication on time or going out to a party it just never feels normal and it was only up until recently that I put my foot down and spoke to my parents about letting me handle it on my own so that I can regain confidence in my self and my ability to be a strong individual. It was all looking up, I had been exercising, working hard at my job that I love, and receiving distinctions in all my classes but then my mum said that she has never been more disappointed in me. This was the happiest I had been in so long and it was almost as if she felt the need to criticise me so that I didn’t drift further into becoming my own person. I try to confront her about it but she dismisses me, telling me she is dealing with much bigger stresses and needs my support. She is constantly telling me about these stresses but can’t say what they are at this point and that I need to just trust her. As a result I’ve been saving for myself and my family incase everything goes south, trying so hard to not contribute to any extra costs as I know money is tight currently and I have begun looking for a higher paying job despite loving the one I currently am at. I haven’t told her and I don’t want to as I don’t want to add to anything, but it’s as if I’m the person she’s taking all her frustrations out on and she thinks because I am her daughter I will take it and not say anything back. It’s just becoming harder and harder to take. The things she says to me have been gut wrenching, and she has begun saying these things to my younger siblings as well, one of which already has had a very difficult year. I don’t know what to do anymore and needed to get it out. If you have any advice please help. Thank you.

Muff Relationship respect
  • replies: 1

I recently saw a text message on my partners phone to mate that said something about wild women I can't remember what my partner said in response but the next message from his friend was you can't your married to which my partner responded. "That doe... View more

I recently saw a text message on my partners phone to mate that said something about wild women I can't remember what my partner said in response but the next message from his friend was you can't your married to which my partner responded. "That doesn't worry me bring 4 of them" We have a big history of trust issues, secrecy and flirting on his side which we were working on and I thought he wasn't like that any more. He has said it was just a joke with a mate and all men joke like that and it doesn't mean anything It has hurt me, scared me and I feel saying something like that as even a joke is wrong and disrespectful to the relationship. It's showing his mate he has no respect for me. I also feel to say something like that there has to be an element of truth behind it. Am I over reacting because of past hurts with him or am I justified.

TheMich Recently separated.. I think
  • replies: 5

I have recently separated from my partner of 22 years. I made the final decision at xmas and moved out after dealing with a couple of years of abuse, an emotional affair, and not really understanding where I stand. He is 49 and I am 46. We own proper... View more

I have recently separated from my partner of 22 years. I made the final decision at xmas and moved out after dealing with a couple of years of abuse, an emotional affair, and not really understanding where I stand. He is 49 and I am 46. We own properties together and he is living in our main residential property. We do not have children together, however I have 2 adult girls that he has assisted in bringing up. After not having a conversation with for 1 month, I called in unannounced to have a 'discussion'. He is not keen on speaking about anything, but says we dont have to sell the house yet, I am not sure if I want you in my life, then says maybe wait another month as I everything may be clearer. I have absolutely no idea where I stand. Its like he is hanging on to me 'just in case'. He does not have anyone else and says he isnt interested in anyone else, as he just wants to be alone. He just tells his family that I am busy at work and staying in our unit (which is 1 hour away from our residential home). So I just getting to point that I cant be bothered anymore. I go to home when I know he isnt there mainly to walk my dog and have a spa! So my question is... after 22 years do I just give up and focus on myself?

Kkk78 I'm depressed & my husband says it's best for kids if I live elsewhere.
  • replies: 2

I am 42 years old. Married for 15 years with 4 children. I am also a recovering drug addict of almost 2 years. I started using drugs when I was 36 after my husband 'accidentally' cheated on me with my best friend. my addiction took a pretty good hold... View more

I am 42 years old. Married for 15 years with 4 children. I am also a recovering drug addict of almost 2 years. I started using drugs when I was 36 after my husband 'accidentally' cheated on me with my best friend. my addiction took a pretty good hold of me and I did change I became distant and I was extremely angry and most of that anger went towards him. We started fighting a lot and got bad, not violent but at times I scared the kids because I'd be yelling at him or just had the shits. It wasn't a nice household to live in some days - I was using drugs and I was also extremely depressed - so when I was down that's when all my emotional needs came out too and I was stuck in the past - I hadn't moved on from his betrayal and I think he pretty well had just had enough of hearing the word like "trigger, trauma" He switched off emotionally to me it feels. so here we are today. I'm clean and sober 2 years and life has dramatically improved from back then - His wording to describing my progress is things like chalk n cheese. When I am good, when I'm severely depressed I'm bad as in I retreat within myself or I a can get snappy. I become needy, I want to feel safe n loved. I was depressed on Friday - it was a very dark place to be in n feel alone. I left the house after a fight, on Monday he came to my counseling session with me - which he later told me I only took him as a manipulative tactic? He told me while I was with her that I need to go away and fix myself before I can come home HE said it's like walking on eggshells in house n he's not doing that to the kids. My daughter told me she wants me home n did say it can be a bit tense but it's not move out wort - This happens like every 6 months it feels like and when my depression starts, he feels blamed and he checks out on me. I remember once I had to go to the hospital for some treatment and he just dropped me off at front door and he drove off - that's the best way I can explain his actions. I feel like I'm going crazy. I am alone. I am sad and without my children. Has anyone gone through this, am I in the wrong for feeling abandoned? My councillor said to him she's worried for me, I had to drive 250ks away to my plates house.

Angel4 Emotional Cheating? Moving Forward
  • replies: 4

I'm in my 40's & in my 2nd marriage. We still have fights like normal couples, they are small & our relationship has been great. Fast forward to last year. My husband had a physical medical incident. Since then we've had some pretty serious fights. I... View more

I'm in my 40's & in my 2nd marriage. We still have fights like normal couples, they are small & our relationship has been great. Fast forward to last year. My husband had a physical medical incident. Since then we've had some pretty serious fights. I felt like the way he's treating me has changed. I have anxiety as my last relationship before him, was very emotional abusive. Towards the end of last year I sort help for my anxiety & had good results. I am still down about my weight but I am activity exercising & feeling better (he's noticed too). I had to check my husband text on his phone not long ago because he asked (we've always had each others phone details and no secrets) & out of curiosity I flicked through them. I found a message from an old friend that he got back in touch with last year. The conversation was pretty general until I found a photo that she sent first one day of her with very little clothing on. The photo was taken to make sure you could clearly see everything. A couple of mild flirty texts later its like my husband realised what she was doing and signed off that chat. They had previously arranged to meet at a shop for a coffee which they still did. Following the catch up he text her it was good to catch up with an old friend & he had missed her. He has since instigated every text there after until I found out. Those txts where just general - hows your day kind of stuff. But they reminded me of what someone would do when trying to get to know another person. I confronted him. First he was angry because I went through his phone, told me that he had told me he was catching up with her (later admitted that he knew he hadn't). He always said he would never do this to me as his 1st wife cheated and he knew how it hurt. He's very apologetic now, said he's sorry it will never happen again, doesn't want to lose me, loves me & will do counselling. It really hurts he never did anything like this to his 1st wife & she cheated. I've never gave any doubt about my loyalty & he does this. He even said if I had done what he had done, he would have possibly walked out (because of what he went through with his 1st wife). I use to trust him 100% but now I don't. We are going to attend marriage counselling (he is already in counselling for depression brought on by his medical incident) but I can't shake how I feel. We are trying now to be more attentive to one another like we use to but it just feels fake. Do the hurt feelings ever go away?

Lost_girl_19 Feeling lost and shut out
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'd really like some help on my current situation. My husband and I have dated on and off for the past 7 years and we have been married for 1.5 years. We have always had pretty bad arguments and he has never been one to talk about what w... View more

Hi everyone, I'd really like some help on my current situation. My husband and I have dated on and off for the past 7 years and we have been married for 1.5 years. We have always had pretty bad arguments and he has never been one to talk about what went wrong and so I've never truly managed to successfully resolve any arguments with him. He typically engages in stonewalling in such situations. When I do find a quiet time for us to discuss our issues, he would say that I am overly sensitive, or naggy. Last year, my best friend who is an international student moved in with us. I discussed this with my husband to check if he was okay with my best friend (who pays rent to us) moving in with us, and he was fine with it. However, a few months into us living together he picked an issue with me, saying that my best friend was more like my "wife" and a huge row occurred in our household.Two weeks ago, he picked an issue with me just as I was about to head into an online meeting. He walked into my study room and asked me for the cat's nail clipper as he thought the cat's nails were rather long. I replied saying I didn't know where the cat nail clipper was, and would look for it and trim the cat's nails after my meeting ended. However, he reacted by saying that I was pretending not to know where the clipper was as I wanted my "wife" to return from uni to clip the cat's nails. It seems like such a small issue but ever since that incident, he has stopped speaking to me. Even when things are normal between us, he rarely asks about my day at work or celebrates in my successes. Perhaps because of this, I find myself confiding more in my best friend who is the only source of emotional support to me. Recently, when I told my husband about my promotion at work, his response was: "did they not have anyone else to give it to, due to Covid?" As such, I have gotten to a point of not sharing any personal or career related news with him. I know this is causing a further distance between us but it's what I've resorted to, to ensure he doesn't have a chance to put me down. I am unsure how long more I can take being in a marriage where we live in silence, lack of emotional connection and where issues are not dealt with maturely. I would really appreciate any suggestions people may have, as this is starting to hurt my mental health and it is also affecting my concentration at work. Thank you.

Jack170 Hurting dad
  • replies: 10

Hi, completely new to this but here it goes. Guess my storey have been heard before so nothing special here. Our divorce was now 8 years ago. The current state of affairs are that I live in Queensland and my ex in Melbourne. Today is my daughter's 14... View more

Hi, completely new to this but here it goes. Guess my storey have been heard before so nothing special here. Our divorce was now 8 years ago. The current state of affairs are that I live in Queensland and my ex in Melbourne. Today is my daughter's 14th birthday and she is worlds away. Today marks a year since I spoke to my daughter last. She is currently not talking to me. I do not completely know why and are not able to find out the truth. We last spoke on her birthday last year and after that she stopped answering my calls and no response to any txt. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months as everything steamrolled. I asked my ex as to the reason and her response were "I don't know and it is not my responsibility to upkeep your communication". I pleaded with her to no avail. During this time, as it was over the years since divorce, my ex would only talk to me asking for additional money several times a month. And while I then help where I could with these requests, I did begged for her to talk to my daughter and get behind this sudden change. I would always just get the same response as before that it is not her responsibility. Then in March my exe again asked for money outside the child support. This time I could not take this abuse anymore and said no for the first time in years. The next day I received a message form my eldest daughter, mid 20's, that my young one aged 13 at that point sent the eldest a message saying that she should ask me to help my ex. Now this shocked me to the core and made me send her the money she asked for. The next part is what put me in the spot I and in today. I sent my ex a message saying "I deposited the money you asked for but I am hurt that you had **** beg for money. You should be the mother and a better role model than that". I had no reply on this and left this alone. Couple weeks after this I receive notice that I need to appear in the Melbourne courts for a DVI. I contact the police officer on this case who told me this is to protect my ex from verbal abuse. Now the only this I said was calling her a bad role model. I inform the courts that there will be no contest and to make final orders for me to not contact my ex. More steps there. My shock was when final orders came that my daughter's name was now added to the no contact order. Courts told me to go see a lawyer who said I had no chance to get this over turned. I never even had an argument with my daughter so that makes it hurt more

demonblaster Loneliness... What choices are there?
  • replies: 140

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people. This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this. What's out there to help people? Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not co... View more

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people. This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this. What's out there to help people? Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not comfortable face on. Excercising outside, amongst people, eye contact often connects a smile with people. Lifting Here & assuming other places in Oz there's through community centres volunteers that visit, take shopping, talk, listen etc or phone calls weekly. (GP would know more) Public transporting, around people, even if not engaged in convo, still amongst it Interested hearing suggests This shouldn't be

Widowedmumof3 Blended Families
  • replies: 1

Hi I am 8 months into a relationship with a man separated from his wife for 3 years (seems to have no real plans on divorce?) who has 2 children (13 &9). I myself am widowed, almost 3 years now, with 3 kids (well 2 adult teens and a 13 yr old). I am ... View more

Hi I am 8 months into a relationship with a man separated from his wife for 3 years (seems to have no real plans on divorce?) who has 2 children (13 &9). I myself am widowed, almost 3 years now, with 3 kids (well 2 adult teens and a 13 yr old). I am feeling a little lost in our relationship. He has 50% custody of his kids. On the "off"week from the kids he is extremely attentive, messages constantly, can't seem to do enough for me and of late, I feel "love bombed" to a degree; as a friend pointed out recently. But when the kids arrive its like I'm put on the back burner which makes me feel anxious and a little used. I understand he misses them and wishes to spend time with them; and I know I am not jealous of their time with their dad I think its important. I guess I don't understand how when I have my kids full time I can make the time but he doesn't or can't?? I organise to go places, invite them around to our home when he has the kids and for the most part his kids are happy to be with us and don't want to leave. This then leads me to another issue. His youngest is quite obnoxious and rules the roost, he "gets what he wants" - his words......he has some issues I feel, he is an extremely anxious child and has some pica issues which his parents have done nothing about. He has become quite obsessive of my kids, naming his toys after them, which is cute but then comments he'd like to eat their souls?? I feel a bit of a hypocrite in saying anything to my partner - glasshouses and all; my kids are far from perfect. But the disrespect he has to his dad; if he doesn't get what he wants he answers with "I won't trust you again" and displays of concerning behaviour from such a young child is eye opening to myself and my kids. His dad says nothing just shakes his head and eye rolls. So much so my kids would prefer his youngest not to be around saying he should be grateful he has a dad. I suppose I'm asking am I being unreasonable in feeling that I am in a one week on-off relationship; should I be concerned that he has no real interest in divorce as he has stated she cheated she should pay, and am I being too harsh on a child that perhaps is emotionally scared from his parents separating and having to be moved week to week from one home to another?? Are my expectations wrong??? Thank you in advance for reading