Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MM888 How do you rebuild?
  • replies: 2

I have wanted a baby since I was a teenager. Life hasn’t gone that way. Bad choices in men, not falling pregnant during various relationships and I am now with a man who has had a vasectomy. He agreed a year ago to go on the IVF journey with me, we t... View more

I have wanted a baby since I was a teenager. Life hasn’t gone that way. Bad choices in men, not falling pregnant during various relationships and I am now with a man who has had a vasectomy. He agreed a year ago to go on the IVF journey with me, we talked about me doing it alone or if he wanted to become the dad.. he chose the later. he has an estranged 23 year old daughter and a lovely 20 year old son already. He is late 40’s, I am late 30’s so we have our challenges. We knew that I was more excited about this, he had a few doubts but was on board. He was helping give me my injections, being as involved as he could. We started our first round of stimulated IVF and I went to hospital to do my egg collection, he went to do his surgical sperm collection and he backed out last moment. I was coming out of anaesthetic.. I was sitting in a room with our Dr telling me he doesn’t want to do this anymore. My heart broke. He was sorry, I went crazy. Crying/begging/negotiating/crying/yelling/crying. After all that we finally talked, talking about his fears and anxieties of it. Some of it was being a dad again, some of it was nerves about a large needle. The specialist rooms wanted to know how we wanted to proceed, it seems insane but he wants to try again but I am petrified about this happening again. I have been a gambling addict a long time ago, I know the power of your mind convincing you to do or not do things. I know he is conflicted ( he loves me but also scared) however I feel so hurt by this. I feel broken and just wanted anyone insight if they have been through IVF before, if they have had their partner let them down at a critical moment and what happened. Thank you for listening.

DownDad Struggling after separation and ex starting to date.
  • replies: 7

Hi All, My wife and I separated about 7 weeks ago, when I came out as transgender. I knew she would want to separate when I came out but I did it anyways. She was hurt and we decided to take things slow. She wanted me to support her through her weigh... View more

Hi All, My wife and I separated about 7 weeks ago, when I came out as transgender. I knew she would want to separate when I came out but I did it anyways. She was hurt and we decided to take things slow. She wanted me to support her through her weight loss surgery and she didnt want to tell our 4yo until he was settled at primary school next year. We were together for 7 years and married 5, we have not been happy for quite a while now. I am finding it hard to find a rental so am not able to move out. I have no support network, so cant stay with friends or family. She had her surgery about 3 weeks ago. My ex found a man, about a week ago, and has started seeing him. She still expects me to help her with her new diet, what she and cant eat and prepare it. She also is expecting me to help with our son on her weekends because I have no friends and no hobbies, she says "what are you just going to sit there", but on my weekends she is happy to run off and do stuff with this man and leave me to do everything for our son. I am quite capable of doing that as I was always the cook, the organiser, the accountant in the family. I know I am jealous that she can make friends and find a new sexual partner so easy, but i also feel used and trapped. I am really really really struggling with this and I dont know what to do. help me please...

LadyFlower Am I okay to be dealing with this how I am?
  • replies: 9

Hi there, I need some advice on the best thing to do. I have a mum that has alcohol issues from time to time, often resulting in lots of anger and conflict in my direct family. It mainly occurs when her anxiety or some emotional effects her. My broth... View more

Hi there, I need some advice on the best thing to do. I have a mum that has alcohol issues from time to time, often resulting in lots of anger and conflict in my direct family. It mainly occurs when her anxiety or some emotional effects her. My brother and I have similar feelings about it, but my dad on the other hand does not. He often gets aggressive about the situation and ends up with mum more upset and distraught then she was to begin with. Two nights ago I witnessed this and it was not a pleasant thing to experience. I’m left feeling upset by it still, as I was then targeted for no apparent reason by my dad with words that still hurt me. I do not know the best course of action. I try my best to support mum, but at the same time feel as though I’m still in a tough spot. I don’t talk with my dad much. Only when I have to. Im in my 20’s and live at home still. I’ve been going to work and checking in on mum. I can’t help but feel bad for doing so. Am I wrong to do what I want? Am I not dealing with any of this conflict and just burying it away? I need some words from anyone about how I’m feeling and what I should be doing.

DanielleS I love my partner but my brain is telling me no?
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m really stuck at this point! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and from March 2020 I started having bad dreams he was cheating or would leave me. Then one day out of no where this feeling just suddenly happened that I di... View more

Hi guys, I’m really stuck at this point! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and from March 2020 I started having bad dreams he was cheating or would leave me. Then one day out of no where this feeling just suddenly happened that I didn’t love him which I know is bull because he’s the best thing that could of ever happened to me and he’s done nothing wrong and is really supportive!! I know for a fact I love him and that something else is just going on with me.. but I can’t figure it out and I seriously need this to end. I also have health anxiety and panic disorder which idk if that would be contributing? As I’ve had thoughts lately about him dying. my ex was really toxic. My dad is also toxic so I no longer see him. So if anyone has had anything similar can you please share with me your experience x

Jeff35 Wits end
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, this is my first post and really it's to help my partner and her son. I want to help so much but I really don't know what to do. Here's the story. My partner has two bys, 24 and 23 yrs old. Like chalk and cheese they are. One gay and one str... View more

Hi guys, this is my first post and really it's to help my partner and her son. I want to help so much but I really don't know what to do. Here's the story. My partner has two bys, 24 and 23 yrs old. Like chalk and cheese they are. One gay and one straight who has always struggled with his older gay brother. They're not close. Their father died when the youngest was 16. My partner had separated from their dad at that point. My partner met and married another guy who smoked a bit of cannabis and sometimes got a little violent. The youngest boy spent a lot of his time on the plays ration up in his room. My partner eventually left the guy and moved to Australia to live with me. Her youngest son, 20 at the time she moved, has now lived in his own home for 2 years. The communication between my partner and her youngest has almost completely broken down. They've never had a big argument and used to be so close. He admitted a couple of weeks ago that he'd been taking some drugs and him and his mum both cried down the phone to each other. Since then she's had almost no replies to text messages and his birthday came and went without them speaking. My partner tried but he said he was going out with friends for a meal and would call at the weekend..... He didn't.... What on earth should she do in this situation. It's hurting her so much.

TheMich Not sure about female 'best friend'
  • replies: 4

My male partner of 21 years has become 'best friends' with a female we have both been friends with for about 10 years. He assures me and also his mother that there is absolutely nothing more however I have 'broke into' and found 'love type quotes' on... View more

My male partner of 21 years has become 'best friends' with a female we have both been friends with for about 10 years. He assures me and also his mother that there is absolutely nothing more however I have 'broke into' and found 'love type quotes' on his phone that he sent to her, but says he is not in love with her. She is married and has told me she is not interested and does not want him. I just cant get over the fact that he considers her 'his best friend'. He told me if I cant accept that, then our relationship is finished. I am at the point that I think I want to put an end to our relationship and leave. Am I over reacting?

CelestialSeth How do I leave my codependent mother?
  • replies: 1

Hello, I’m 22, and currently I am living with my father who I do not speak to, my mother, my cat and myself in a small apartment. My living situation is not great, my mother has been stuck with my father for many years and has plans to move out. Howe... View more

Hello, I’m 22, and currently I am living with my father who I do not speak to, my mother, my cat and myself in a small apartment. My living situation is not great, my mother has been stuck with my father for many years and has plans to move out. However, my mother is heavily relying on the fact that because she is not eligible for public housing (low-income housing), she wishes for only me to put my name down on the lease because I am eligible for public housing. Many of my therapists have told me she is codependent and I agree, she is incredibly against/cynical about the idea I will move out because she believes I don’t want to be responsible for her. I don’t want my name on that lease however. My mother can be quite nasty when angry, when she does not get her way she does anything, she guilt trips etc. and I don’t want to have to be trapped in that home with her. I also, have plans to move out eventually and feel this is a way to stop me from doing that. However, I cannot say no to putting my name on that lease, she does not take no for an answer, and she will be incredibly angry. I am afraid of what she will do if I deny her her escape from my father, because I know she will be mean to me about it. My boyfriend tells me I should move into student housing, however I am afraid of the backlash I may get from that, I am afraid of what will happen and the anger I will receive from my mother seeing me as betraying her. So I am writing this in hopes someone will help me decide what is the safest option for me, what should I do if I am afraid of the anger I will receive? And which option is better?

M90941 Fiance left me, my fault, and she is my other half
  • replies: 3

My fiance of 10 months left me this week. Our story is unique & painful. My mental illness (recently diagnosed) caused this situation. – We met 7 years ago, based on a lie. That lie lasted around 1 year, when the truth eventually came out. It broke u... View more

My fiance of 10 months left me this week. Our story is unique & painful. My mental illness (recently diagnosed) caused this situation. – We met 7 years ago, based on a lie. That lie lasted around 1 year, when the truth eventually came out. It broke us, but we never separated. We pushed ahead and tried to move on. We never sought professional help (probably a mistake on both parts). That lie encompassed all she knew about me in those early days; we never cleared the air properly. – During arguments, I would get angry, call her names/insult her, saying things I did NOT mean. We both now realise this is part of my illness. In the past 12 months, whilst we still fought, it wasn't as bad. – I proposed to her 10 months ago, it was the best day of our lives, she said yes. – 7 Weeks ago she suggested I seek mental health; I did. This was the first time it was brought up/taken action. I've been diagnosed with OCTB + PD, one core symptom being that I lie when I'm anxious, stemming from trauma. The root causes are being identified, I have meds + therapy weekly now. I'm on a positive path to making a full recovery, I feel like I have solutions to my illness; the most in control I've ever felt. – We share a 2 year old dog, who we both love (our 'kid'). – She said she needs to work on herself, that she does not see us together anymore, but still wants to be friends. She said she still loves me, but to what extent I don't know. – She agreed to couples therapy with me in 3 days, but I have no idea how she will go or if she will stay committed. I'm 100% committed, I'll talk openly, I accept responsibility & I'm already on a positive path. She told me she thinks therapy wont work. – My birthday is this week (30) & she is still coming to my party (which she organised). Her birthday is in Sept (26). – We were supposed to get married in 2021. She already has her dress/shoes. We even have a deposit on the venue. – She likes my family, they have a good relationship. Not super close, but ‘good enough’. I love her. She is the love of my life. I never stopped loving her, even though I let her down. She moved out this week; I told her I will support her. She knows I love her and I'm sorry. I can't repeat that again. She said I've given her the best and worst memories of her life. I know I broke her trust. My therapist says that I have every chance to make a full recovery & be a totally different person. Is there a chance for us through therapy?

LovelyLinda Coping with resentment in a sexless marriage
  • replies: 5

How does one cope with the feelings of resentment when you are in a beautiful happy relationship with your partner/husband but they have lost their libido and are so busy with work. We had an exceptional sex life. And then it stopped. We are so in lo... View more

How does one cope with the feelings of resentment when you are in a beautiful happy relationship with your partner/husband but they have lost their libido and are so busy with work. We had an exceptional sex life. And then it stopped. We are so in love and always want to be together, we are not looking to change that (it’s a perfect relationship in all other aspects). He is very happy with me and our life together and doesn’t need sex. However it is like oxygen to me and essential to my soul and my sexual nature. It is so very hard to not make love to the man I love and adore. It’s so difficult for it not to be as important to someone else that I am connected to. We are in an open relationship, and I can seek a sensory connection with others (but out of respect to my partner I am not seeking sex with another man). I don’t want to be with anyone else, I only want to be with my wonderful man. How do I get over the resentment I feel that there is no effort on his part to connect with me? How to I get over the resentment of needing something so important to me and I am not able to get it? I’m a happy vibrant person and I do things that I enjoy, and don’t let things upset me, but I am struggling with feeling so disconnected without intimacy. Your thoughts and experiences please.

cleo1988 Afraid, anxious and shocked by his behaviour
  • replies: 11

Hello, I'll do my best to keep this brief. I ended a relationship with a man (34 Yo) about a month ago, we were together about 5 months - so not that long. I asked for space and said I didn't want to communicate for at least a month. He has been text... View more

Hello, I'll do my best to keep this brief. I ended a relationship with a man (34 Yo) about a month ago, we were together about 5 months - so not that long. I asked for space and said I didn't want to communicate for at least a month. He has been texting me which i've tried to ignore (i feel bad by ignoring his tests or anyones for that matter). I ended our relationship because I felt he was very draining - he has a history of drug addiction, ADHD and some other very intense traumatic experiences. I was tired and needed to put myself first. He's told me today in a message that he is moving to where i work, literally 500m down the road. I am so shocked and frightened by his behaviour in doing this. I am afraid that he will come to my work and look for my car etc. He used to say "if you leave me I'll find you" and I always felt this was a joke, but i'm frightened. And anxious. I know I'll be anxious when I am at work - and be on the lookout for him. I haven't replied and I don't know what to do. He constantly says he misses me, wants to see me and thinks of me all the time. I need help, I feel pretty isolated and I'd love a nice man and relationship, but this is shocking to me. I have lost hope -