Feeling worthless and emotionally drained

[Lovetotravel3]

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and the past six living in WA, away from family in the Uk. He has a great job and my kids(teens) have a great life. On the surface we resemble an ideal family.

i landed a great job 18 months ago and everything seemed ok until I realised it was the job from hell, my boss was an out and out bully, most staff left and I was left to do their jobs along with mine..it was draining and had a huge impact on me as a person, mother and wife..I felt trapped, my husband loved the idea of my job and wasn’t supportive of what I was going through. My son (20) attempted suicide and I found him in time for him to be admitted to hospital, the grief and fear that I’d failed as a parent was too much and I quit my job..

my husband hated me, belittled me said I was disgusting for walking out of a job and leaving him to finance our lives..I honestly felt I couldn’t win. A few months ago I started my own business in the same line of work and because it’s taking time to get off the ground he tells me to get in the real world and get a job, he calls me workshy, lazy, and that I have no respect for him. Today he called me to ask for a rundown of what I’ve been doing to pay bills? He even asked for a list of emails to check I’m actually applying for jobs ..I feel utterly useless, I have no energy to get out of bed, I hate myself, I do feel like I’ve let my family down and I feel like I can’t take anymore...

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

No wonder you've written into this forum. You have a lot of stress going on atm.

When situations compound to a point whereby your mental health is at such a low point, one should in my view be radical in our actions.

Eg for 11 years I tolerated emotional abuse from my first wife. I attempted suicide. I survived and decided to leave. Since then I've prospered. Her next two husbands went through the same treatment from her. Only then did I realise it wasnt me!

Perhaps you could assess your treatment from him also.

The only part of your predicament that I think he has a case is your new business. I've tried starting up several businesses from home- garden care, cubby houses and the like. The possibility of making a good income is narrow and takes time.

That does not however justify the treatment he dishes out. He is humiliating you, not being a fair supportive person.

I suggest you seek relationship counseling. If he wont go, go yourself to learn to cope with his pressure on you.

Google

Beyondblue topic the definition of abuse

Reply anytime

TonyWK

[MyLadyGirl]

Hello Lovetotravel3

I am no expert in marriage life of 19 years but what you did of resigning your job and looking after your son is noble. There is no such thing in the world that is important then your son. Being supportive to him counts. There is mothers love.

Yes it could be probably that your husband can't pay all the bills. he maybe feeling the burden on his shoulder and he can't talk about it. Probably cause of his ego and he is showing it to you. However, you did not do anything by lazing back, you started to open business allowing you to spend time with the family. Business bloom does not happen in a blink. It takes hard work. That's hard your are trying to do. Believe what your doing. Talk to him. Let him see what you are doing works both way, being supportive to your son and helping in financial. Work does not mean getting a job it can be other mode. Allow him to realise and see it. Talk to him as for him to understand what your doing for the family. Eventually he will realise it. If he does not don't be down. Cause that is what you can do. The very best.

[Loco23]

Hi Lovetotravel3,

First off, his behaviour is unacceptable. The whole asking for proof that you've been applying for jobs is just wrong. I think your husband needs to be a bit more considerate of what has just happened to your son - I don't blame you for quitting your bad job when that happened. It's one thing to be dealing with bad stuff at work but when you have to deal with something like that in your family... humans can only take too much so I think you made the right decision in resigning. Life is too short and it sounded like your energy and efforts were required with your son more than a boss from hell.

Relationship counselling definitely sounds like a good idea.