Feeling really lost

[Tearsfall]

Hello, i live with an alcoholic who has no regard to anything but his own needs. Now his child is here. Who admits to having a drug problem. Since the child was young he has blamed everyone for what the child does. The child has never been made accept responsibility and from this has learned to lie and manipulate knowing that mummy and daddy believe everything that comes out of his mouth. He admits to having a drug problem. When dad is drunk the stuff he says about the child is unreal. I feel his own addiction has had an affect on the child - seeing dad does it so why not. I could be wrong but a childs strongest influence is the parents. I would also like advice on how to go about planning to leave. I just want to be on my own away where no one knows me. Dont want to tell anyone because they will try stop me. But when im here no one acknowledges my existance . I feel its best if im on my own but i also have no funds behind me accept my very small super account . I can withdraw it in a year . Im 57 and doing tough physically and emotionally and feel very alone .

[Ben_L]

Hey Tearsfall, Thanks for reaching out for help,

Hearing from your perspective on the child's early years, and how he was treated and raised, i can tell that you tried your hardest as a great and responsible mother to get things right for your child but you just bumped into a lot of roadblocks. I might not be able to give you enough support with this as i am young and have only just started learning about life, but i can tell you this.

Life will always have its up and downs, it's your choice if when you're down if you want to get back up.

You're not alone, the beyond blue community strives to make peoples lives just a little better. Check in soon hope someone with higher authority can give you proper guidance, but i'll be here if you need me. 🙂

[Tearsfall]

No its my step child - the parents believe everything she says . The mother now thinks she is being used as a guinea pig by drug dealers . The child knows exactly what Its doing and knows how to play victim . Iv been through this before with my own child. But i made her take responsibility for her actions .

[monkey_magic]

Hi Tearsfall,

Sorry to hear that you are doing it tough physically and emotionally and that no one acknowledges your existence where you are currently living. It doesn't sound healthy by any means.

I think a good place to start would be to call 1800respect. They have trained professionals to help out with your concerns.

And i can draw on my own experiences. Can I ask are you on any centrelink benefit? If you are then you might be able to find something cheap on flatmates.com or gumtree. Ive lived in a granny flat, house extension or rented a room in various houses for cheap.

If u need help with food there are charity's and churches.

By the sounds of things you'ld be much happier living away from such a negative environment.

I don't know the extent to what you're going through but if it's like alcoholics I've known it would be scary. As you can prob tell ive moved around a lot. Did a lot of it on just Newstart as well. I even picked fruit off other ppls trees to survive. You do what you can with what you've got te better your situation.

Today I have an income and the future is much brighter because of those hard yards. It's having the guts to take those small steps forwards without looking back too much.

This is your thread now to write as little or as much as you like, along with Ben.L ill be here.

MM

[geoff]

Hello Tearsfall, both great replies from Ben and MM.

If a child is raised by an alcoholic father they have 2 options, either they don't want to have any addiction at all, or they too become addicted to alcohol and/or drugs and then to play the victim.

Alcoholics tend to blame everybody except themselves because if they happen to admit that it was their fault, it would be too embarrassing and would mean that they have to change something in their life and that's when denial occurs.

It is possible for you to move out as has been mentioned by MM, Centrelink can provide the bond money and two weeks rent which you pay off over a period of time, and secondly, you can contact Anglicare who will be able to access you into a unit.

If you have any questions please ask us.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

child grows up can have a serious effect on their risk for alcohol issues in adult

[Tearsfall]

I went to leave and the child said please dont go . Dad was drunk and being not very nice. I stayed the child told me she likes talking to me because i get it. Only child . Dad put my pet bird on her head and scared her. He then threw apple at her. She told him to f off and got up went to bed sulking. I went to my room. Is it strange that i feel for the child even though she has drug issues and disrespectful. Her words were She has grown up looking out for him when he is drunk and mum because she will have no one . Before i found out about the drugs she cried to me that she is sick of keeping everyone happy. I told her she isnt responsible for other peoples happiness. . I dont know why but i stayed for the child