Feeling lost

[R2k2020]

First of all, My English is not really good 😊 but my emotions are real so hopefully 

my grammar doesn’t embarrassed me to the readers🤪

I have three beautiful childrens, Ricky the Grot, Rissa the Grab and Oscar the Grouch.

I came from Philippines, grow up poor and  grow up in a big family but VERY HAPPY..

I haven’t been to the doctor to check what’s wrong with me, I know theres something wrong with me especially my mental health, and my anxiety doesn’t help. 
Not much of friends, I cut them all 

my two teenagers never grow up with me they both busy. 
My youngest is 3 Oscar the Grouch

My little weakness.

Sometimes I feel sad in random places and my tears drop for no reasons.

maybe I’m crazy . 
When it’s quite and dark and son is asleep 

I cried really deep and hold my breath so no one can here me crying.

I’m too scared sometimes when I’m sad coz it brings back my childhood memories that no one knows how strong and sad I am. 
I have no family here , apart from my kids

i just miss my OLD ME.

I changed a lot , 

I feel like everything is falling apart and it’s all my fault.

I feel sorry for my 3 year old son 

It’s not fair and it’s not his fault why I’m lost myself sometimes. 
Don’t know where to start to asked help 

and I’m too shy to open up coz of my anxiety. 

[Alyka]

It sounds like you are lonely. Without people to turn to and your kids are young and you cannot  confide in them. Perhaps you can try to talk about your feelings with your teenagers, and they might surprise you. That deep worrying and dreadful feeling you had was very normal because you are too far away from your circle, you know, family,  friends, basically anyone who can help you when you are in a pinch. So you have to rely upon yourself, which in and of itself, is huge pressure. So even though I don't know your specific situation, I suggest you come up with a strategy. Find friends and community as much as you can, maybe within your cultural group.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear R2k2020,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums..

I am sorry that you’re struggling so much with your mental health.

It must be really hard to be so far away from your family..

R2k, you know inside of your heart, that something is wrong with your mental health, please as hard as it is, please can I very gentle urge you to talk to your Dr about how you’re feeling…I know how hard that can be to be…..especially if your to shy and unable to open up to them, then a couple of options would be to show your Dr. your post here or write down on a piece of paper all your fears and about how your feeling right now and hand the paper to your Dr….many people do this way, until the become more comfortable talking about their feeling to their Dr…

You have 3 beautiful children, that you love with all your heart….maybe thinking about them could be an incentive to talk to your Dr….

Here if you want to chat some more…

My kindest thoughts, precious lady..

Grandy..