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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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bluebrisbane38 Want advice on surviving discovered affair
  • replies: 1

I've been happily (at least I thought so) married for 10yrs & I have four kids with my wife. We moved to Australia early 2022 but something has seemed off for a while. She hasn't wanted to engage in anything sexual for years claiming that she just di... View more

I've been happily (at least I thought so) married for 10yrs & I have four kids with my wife. We moved to Australia early 2022 but something has seemed off for a while. She hasn't wanted to engage in anything sexual for years claiming that she just didn't feel the urge, she didn't want sex and didn't want me to even touch her. To set the stage here, I look young for my age (38), I'm tall, very well endowed and know how to please her on the rare occasion she'll let me. She went back to our original country to visit her parents mid last year while I looked after all the kids and made the mistake of purchasing a Tinder subscription using our shared credit card which alerted me on my phone. I sank into a deep hole of depression and asked her about it when she got back. She claimed it was for a friend who felt embarrassed about using it themselves so she was helping them. I took that as she said it at the time because I trust her and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She had trouble making friends here and turned to "Friends" channel on Bumble. I was very uncomfortable with this so I asked her to remove it. She went out dancing with girl friends until the sunrise every second week and then started disappearing during the day almost every day for 4-5hrs at a time. My phone is pretty old and I'd just bought her a new one when we moved here so I asked if I could use her old phone. I plugged it into my computer to make sure all her photos were saved before I wiped it and a message popped up in Instagram from someone she'd been sexting with. I felt like I couldn't breath.I called her and with tears in my eyes begged her not to go through with it and she said she'd come straight home and talk with me. She claimed nothing had happened with that person. She told me she'd been going to an abuse support group all those days she'd been away and was planning on leaving me. I was confused and terrified. I've never abused her. I am guilty of being too focused on work, being stuck in provider mode but that's it. She said that there was a guy there that she went on one date with but they did nothing more than have coffee. I identified areas where I can improve and I make more time for her and have cut work right back. She said the changes are amazing and she's happy. I'll post more in reply comment.

PsychedelicFur I think I am in a co-dependent relationship
  • replies: 11

I believe I am in a codependent relationship. My partner constantly tells me that "if you leave me I will cry and cry and never be happy again." AND "I can't live without you." As you can imagine, these comments would make anyone feel extremely suffo... View more

I believe I am in a codependent relationship. My partner constantly tells me that "if you leave me I will cry and cry and never be happy again." AND "I can't live without you." As you can imagine, these comments would make anyone feel extremely suffocated and uncomfortable. I have told him it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't like it but he still does it. He says he only does it out of love though. He also says "if you leave me I will never be happy again. You are my reason to be happy." It's A LOT of pressure on me, as you can imagine. He also constantly cries if I try to break things off with him or if I talk to him about other serious issues. I feel like I can't communicate serious issues with him without him getting upset. I feel like I can't evolve as a person. I feel a bit stuck. He also constantly tells me to marry him and move in with him and I tell him NO but he still brings it up. I know.. deep down I am not ready at all for such big and life changing commitments. University is my top priority, it will help me more in the long run. He still calls me his 'wife' in front of friends too.. even when I tell him to not do it.. I love and care about him but he is HEAVILY reliant on me for his happiness. I don't know what to do... I am scared to leave him because then all of his friends, family and even he will probably hate me. I have tried but it's really hard to deal with.

Mortho supportive partner needs a break
  • replies: 2

Hey all, to say i’m exhausted is an understatement, my husband is suffering depression and anxiety he has had a hospital admission in the last 3 months . is it wrong if i suggest one night a week he stays at his mums im thinking a sunday night so i c... View more

Hey all, to say i’m exhausted is an understatement, my husband is suffering depression and anxiety he has had a hospital admission in the last 3 months . is it wrong if i suggest one night a week he stays at his mums im thinking a sunday night so i can have some recharging time before the work week begins .he is constantly obsessive about different things and doesn’t let up, i have set some boundaries and will spend a lot of time redirecting his thoughts. I feel bad for wanting a break but the last few years have taken a toll on me. i’m super supportive but i think it’s to my own demise if that makes sense. just writing this makes me feel extremely sad and emotionally

Elizabeth Louise Im oversharing and feeling bad afterwards
  • replies: 5

Been separated from my husband for 3 months. I'm so vulnerable right now that I'm oversharing details as to what happened with some friends and feeling horrible about it afterwards. How do I stop this? I feel I need to avoid people so I don't fall in... View more

Been separated from my husband for 3 months. I'm so vulnerable right now that I'm oversharing details as to what happened with some friends and feeling horrible about it afterwards. How do I stop this? I feel I need to avoid people so I don't fall into the same trap and oversharing things about my ex and what happened. I'm still trying to process what happened and not coping well at times as he was the one that left.

Jadeee My relationship with my mum is destroyed, i need solid advice to fix it.
  • replies: 2

Hey so i am 15 and i really need some good advice to help with the situation that i have been currently facing for about 4 years. So my mother and i have a very toxic relationship and ive tried everything to fix it. She is a gaslighter, phycological ... View more

Hey so i am 15 and i really need some good advice to help with the situation that i have been currently facing for about 4 years. So my mother and i have a very toxic relationship and ive tried everything to fix it. She is a gaslighter, phycological coercer and always gives me silent treatment. My parents in general dont meet my needs as a young child, i feel like they have let me down and they heavily hinder my mental health as i am always trying to become a better person but my mum brings out the worst in me. She has said she doesnt love me, i love her but i cant express it with her being so mean to me. I also have two older siblings and a younger brother, and i noticed the way she treats them, invests so much time into them and always asks them questions. But she has never done that to me, anytime i talk to her she says she busy ect. And i just feel so lonely, my teachers who have to deal with 20 kids at once invests more time into me than my parents ever had, thats why i prefer being at school more. My parents dont hug, kiss or love me so ive never had any form of physical affection and it makes me a pretty numb person. My mum has control over my whole life, i cannot voice my opinions, she has control over my finances and i also have to buy all my stuff like clothes, food, resources like a scientific calculator for school that is $270. And ive only just realised after 4 years that i am being controlled, becuase ive developed a tolerance to the way my mum treats me and it is normalised for me, so i feel guilty whenever i ask my parents to buy me something or whenever i speak up, i get shut down, pure fascism. And so therefore i am pretty much responsible for myself at 15 years old, but my brothers and sister gets treated way differenly. I feel like an outcast, i feel like i am living with complete strangers. I dont know what to do, i need help.

shannc Troubled young adults - Help
  • replies: 1

Hi All,I am seeking help mostly on behalf of my parents who are currently dealing with my 25 y/o troubled brother.He has a history of drugs, trouble with the police and hanging with the wrong crowds. He was once physically violent and that’s when we ... View more

Hi All,I am seeking help mostly on behalf of my parents who are currently dealing with my 25 y/o troubled brother.He has a history of drugs, trouble with the police and hanging with the wrong crowds. He was once physically violent and that’s when we knew he was going through another episode. We have also sent him to rehab, which was a waste of money as they don’t tend to offer any follow up. My brother had hit rock bottom at one stage when he was diagnosed with epilepsy. He pulled out of that fast when he met a girl but as soon as they broke up, he went back to his old ways. He had recently crashed his car and we believe he was on drugs at the time. He now has a massive debt as he was still paying off his car and it wasn’t insured. It seems he has no idea of consequences as my parents have given him jobs for some cash to help him pay off the car, but he won’t show up half the time. He sometimes won’t show up to work and my parents have had to ask his boss to give him another chance. He has also been kicked out of his apartment so is now back home. My parents are stuck! They want to sell the house and spend their hard-earned money to travel Australia but it’s my brother that’s holding them back. My parents have tried everything - rehab, council, tough love. They can’t seem to get through to him and it seems to be getting worse. He thinks they will leave money with him in their passing but my parents are using it to bail him out. I can see they’re starting to get depressed and it makes me feel helpless! I also sometimes wish my brother would die, but I know I shouldn’t think like that. Does any one have advice on how to handle this?

CMF I can't tolerate people but it must be me. What's wrong with me?
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I find it really hard to tolerate people's behaviour. It affects me greatly & I'm sick of having to "suck it up". When I'm open with those who should support me they will agree with me but then support the other person. Examples = my partner'... View more

Hi all, I find it really hard to tolerate people's behaviour. It affects me greatly & I'm sick of having to "suck it up". When I'm open with those who should support me they will agree with me but then support the other person. Examples = my partner's sis moved in with him & his boys after his divorce. She bought into his house & took over the wife/mother role. I belive to fulfill her life. It's been almost 4 years & I can't tolerate her. She's a nice person all about her, controlling, never gives us space when I'm there & takes advantage of him being People pleaser. She crowds us, listens to our conversations & intertupts/takes over. I've told him how I feel so many times, he says he understands but she'll eventually move out. He admits he can't stand up to her & is like a puppet. I used to work at reception with a woman who constantly does her personal things at work. Online shopping, always on her mobile phone & letting work phone ring out. Others that worked with her all say she's been doing that for 10years & some of us have brought it up with management yet nothing gets done. One of my current colleagues is paid to be a Team Leader. He is hardly around, always has an excuse to leave the office then work from home. He constantly sends work through incorrectly & it goes back & forth several times to get it right. He doesn't understand the systems & always makes up excuses ie his system is slow, he hasn't been there long & still new.. he runs around all puffed out but doing nothing. No one goes to him cos he doesn't know anything & tried to blame me for a big error. He's bluffing his way through. My manager is under pressure cos he offers no support. I've raised it with my manager several times, pointing out issues. She agrees, asks me to keep an eye on him, talks to him, but he continues to do it & get away with it, been doing it for over a year. Today she is pulling him up & telling him to step up but I'm still told some take longer to learn. She agrees he's taking advantage & not fulfilling his role but I'm almost told to go easy while he fluffs around & gets paid more than I. It appears I have too many issues with people. Am I too honest? Too harsh? Are my expectations too high? I cannot deal with people taking advantage of others. It affects me too much. I've come to the conclusion that the issue must be me. Cmf

Bonsaipetal denied over and over again.
  • replies: 5

HiWe have been married for almost 16 years, and together for 22 years, have 2 teen children. This "friendship" began about 5 years ago and she is one of his staff. I knew this would be an issue when it first started and told him my concerns only to b... View more

HiWe have been married for almost 16 years, and together for 22 years, have 2 teen children. This "friendship" began about 5 years ago and she is one of his staff. I knew this would be an issue when it first started and told him my concerns only to be met with denial and told that they are just friends. It still didn't feel right. I went to a psychologist to work through my issues as my father had an affair when I was a child. (I'm now over 50). It took me a couple of years of attempting to be ok with the friendship, and seeing a psychologist, before I realised it was ok for me to not feel comfortable with the relationship. Each time I was blamed for not being ok with it, and he said he was lonely and had no friends so needed her. Finally he admitted that he loved her.....they are best friends....but that doesn't replace me. We have been to relationship counsellors, as soon as they mentioned he needed to end the friendship he wanted to stop going. I even found a counsellor he could relate to, but again he said no one is taking his side. 2 weeks ago I found more lies and they flew interstate together. He lied over and over again and still denies they are more than just friends. I am being strong, but I can't believe he is not the person I believed he was. When does this shock end?

Denham123 Living and coping with a narcissist husband
  • replies: 7

If you have been reading my posts about how my husband has been treating me, it might sugggest that my husband of 9 years is narcissistic. I recently discovered this word and when I analysed it, I found patterns and behaviours in my husband. The most... View more

If you have been reading my posts about how my husband has been treating me, it might sugggest that my husband of 9 years is narcissistic. I recently discovered this word and when I analysed it, I found patterns and behaviours in my husband. The most recent behaviour I now know is that there is no room for my personal growth. I have not grown in those 9 years through manipulation, fear, fighting constantly, putting insecurities in me by the very person who is supposed to protect me from all my vulnerabilities. we had a really big fight on Tuesday night. I asked why is he still hanging around. Why can’t you leave me alone. Why can’t you go live life and be happy. he said it’s because he made a promise to my mum whiles she was in her death bed. I told him, she’s gone and leave her in peace. now I’m thinking my mum has passed away, it’s been 9 years since she passed away and I’m the one living, alive and breathing. What about the promise you made to me when we exchanged vows. Where’s the love. All the vows are dead, I’m just existing. Not living life. I want to better myself but every time I do that, all my efforts bears no fruit. I don’t get acknowledged, I don’t get validated, I don’t get the thanks, Im not getting anything by staying in this marriage. people would say I live in a Nice house in a nice suburb and I should be grateful. Yet constant fighting, arguing what the hell. I live where I’m not paying rent, nor mortgage nor buying food, medicine etc. I don’t cook, clean or anything. All I do is watch videos, study when I want to, sleep when I’m sleepy. what behaviour are you seeing?

Heartbroken_mum Impossible living arrangement
  • replies: 7

Hi, my daughter & i planned on moving out together for 18 months. She found a place through a land agent she knew not in an area i wanted but thats not the problem she let an ex move in and hes gradually taking over the place with his junk & his atti... View more

Hi, my daughter & i planned on moving out together for 18 months. She found a place through a land agent she knew not in an area i wanted but thats not the problem she let an ex move in and hes gradually taking over the place with his junk & his attitude. I nokd off yesterday & called her. They had a massive argument she left & called the police so i came home and we had an argument, i told him to leave and he just wont. He told me to just shutup along with many expletives. Hes so rude and entitled. He doesn't work & he treats my daughter like dirt. Tells her shes old (30) and calls her all sorts of things. I can see how effected she is and im scared to leave her alone with him. He just refuses to go,. Its completely mental abuse & hes got a shocking tember. My daughter just looks broken and helpless