Feeling lost 😔😔😔Is AA the answer

[FrankieRose]

I met my x at a pub we had great chemistry took as awhile to get together him being a alcoholic player that he was..We tried to be together for three months but he wouldn't quit the piss! I left him -6 months later he quit for me we tried again-Three years on wards we've lived together for a year, but we fight a lot over nothing somedays- I feel he antagonises me and I'm always in trouble. He started this thing of spying on my phone- then drugs got involved more fight more drama- then he would go out on pingers or ice- while I was home alone drinking. He started lying So much over last 4 months a lot mostly about not doing drugs-or being on them - We both tried stopping together but a fight would have him at the door on drugs Tried again-I slipped first couple months. Then I went to AA 4 us 2 get clean & he kept going back to dugs. AA lasted a month for me.!He said if we have a fight he would com home by 12 he didn't stick 2that promise. Infact every promise he made he broke.!Over a period of 3-4months I got lies all the time.! In the end I woke up with him sat on top of me with a knife holding phone in my face saying'who is this guy did u sleep with him-!! I certainly had not..The guy online had him thinking we had another crack head!I kicked him out after that my x from that night well he then inturn went on a two week bender. Came to our unit broke down at our unit crying two weeks later admitting to his mum on the phone he needs help.. And now for the last 3 wks his been staying with his mum and dad in Tassie. Doing a rehab program and AA---!! Doin well fishing eating well- he has a good heart and does love me and I also need to be doing AA as well as I need help I'm lost right now and drinking- smoking the pipe- lied couple time to him about it. He wants me to stay down in Tassie and start fresh -!We shared such a beautiful love connection when it's ON--!*But When we are fighting thou we can be both mean  ..! Name call threats - takes me of FB, every couple wks-I still love him and he wants us to both try again do AA and be together, but I feel we both lack real maturity the drugs didn't help our relationship-YES- but are we just hopeless tit for tat ppl.! We both do it-! Does AA help the person to mature ?I still need to find it in my heart to forgive him for the shitty things his done.~TO add to itThe lying - going out at 3AM in the morning being on drugs. Inviting ppl to my home to hang while I'm sleeping. His trying now but is it to late 😞?

[Croix]

Dear Frankie Rose~

You and your x and drugs plus alcohol sound a pretty bad mix. I guess it is a case that decent people when under the influence become so different they end up impossible to be with. Threatening you with a knife under and circumstances is simply not on.

You are both adults, you both have alcohol and drug problems and you both want to be together. Do you think it might be an idea for each of you to clean up first then get together after? It would be miserable and lonely in the mean-time, that's true. However you would not have the arguments, violence and resorting to substances as a result. Wanting to be together is a powerful thing and might be a goal that gives you strength to do a proper job of beating drink and drugs.

What do you think?

Rehab, AA and organizations like it can work if the person really wants, but it is them, not the organization, that does the work. Yes you do grow up doing that sort of task and end up more mature. With luck it might not be too late for either of you.

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Frankie Rose, please let me welcome you to the forum and thanks for posting your comment, which is not an unfamiliar situation.

Going to AA is good, but only if you want to stop drinking, otherwise it's a waste of time, but if you are borderline then it could convince you to give it up.

Your doctor can prescribe either of you some medication which will holt any desire to drink or to take drugs but this will only work if you definitely want to stop, and if you decide to do this, it would be a good idea to get some counselling with someone who handles addiction.

You both love each other and it would need one of you to be very strong to stop and then help your partner give up both the alcohol and the drugs, to stay focused and remain calm, so I wonder whether this is possible.

I really would like to keep this discussion going and I say this because one reason my marriage ended was because of my drinking.

There's much more to this. Geoff.