Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

[geoff]

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons.

Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, such as I cherish you, I want you to be by my side or more adoring words, sometimes we are too afraid to show our love and causes problems that we were not expecting.

Why do we show our pets more love than we do with our partner/spouse?

All thoughts are welcome, both good and those that truly upset us.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Keon1]

As a young person I feel like I haven’t truly been in love although I had the occasional heart breaks every now and then, I still truly feel as if it wasn’t love even if my heart tells me I still want to be with them at this very moment.

Being fairly young I’ve been through my fair share of teenage relationships and I honestly just find them a huge hassle but at the same time I want someone I can be able to bring home to my parents and not be disappointed in by their actions.

my first relationship I realised that it wasn’t truly love, yes I loved the idea of what we had but I think I relied more on the idea of us and the support that was offered in a short amount of time during a bad phase of my life.

and then came the next couple people that indeed I fell in love with and obviously it didn’t end well, at that point I wasn’t sure what was to blame. I have a very outgoing personality I know i can be extremely confident but the issues ranged to me not being trusted I apparently was hiding something, or cause I wasn’t open enough or just dumb idiotic reason.

I don’t fail to admit I had given up on love for a long time and still don’t honestly believe in it anymore, what I would I do to go back to my kid days when I all that hurt me was stepping Into legos or running into a table or accidentally ruining my overalls because I couldn’t unbutton them fast enough on the way to the bathroom.

my generation is quite ruined we all want something that everyone refuses to give, a generation with no trust it’s crazy now that I think about it. The love that I want will never exist in this generation because of millions of issues. I’m no fool to love even with my small experience in the issue I see no use in being in love when all love at this time and moment is based of wanting something no one is willing to even offer.

I’m extremely tired of love and I’m not even at adulthood yet and I already find it a effortless and consuming waste of my time

[geoff]

Hello K'eon, and a warm welcome to the site.

The look on our faces when we have someone to go out with, we can feel the excitement and yes, our heart beats away, the first kiss and the first cuddle excites us, so this is young love, but being young it can easily stop and then restart or perhaps someone else takes your breath away, but the difference is all the challenges we have to face as we mature, very little of these have been encountered, so young love is about feelings, however, this still happens with any love but it's more complicated.

Hassles happen as you say, simply because knowledge and experience you haven't had to confront like a middle aged person, and as you're taking your time is sensible because broken love does hurt, but someone will walk around the corner, anywhere, and your heart will beat like crazy when you see a person looking at you, talking to someone else or perhaps just sitting on a bench where a looney tune character shows his heart pounding outside of his body, that's love.

Take your time, love will find you.

Geoff.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi geoff,

Thought I'd share my thoughts in this discussion too.

About a month ago, I shared my break up story with a person whom I love dearly, but the break up was caused by her mental illness making her feel like I deserve someone better than her, and that she couldn't give me the love/time/care that she feels I deserve. I remember Jsua sharing their experience to something similar as well, and eventually their partner did come back to them after their partner had figured out that they simply need to love themselves. It gave me hope that perhaps my ex would return in the same manner as well, but I feel it's a dangerous thing to hold on to.

It is that thought that triggered me to grieve last night. I was torn between understanding what true love is, and whether this hope is a sign of true love, or something silly (probably stubbornness?). I hope that makes sense.

Jt

[Guest_1584]

Just a wittle note to K'eon first up.

Don't stress it eh, things will just take on their own form whenever the time comes later on. Meantime just be happy and do the things you love and enjoy in life, no need to worry about all that if your free just enjoy it eh.

Gday Geoff , sorry if l brought on some down in my last post , read over it this morning and sorry about that . Be nice to hear some good news stories wouldn't it hey. And actually when you get time l'd love your thoughts on my situation atm , it's in the last few pages of my ' living alone" thread if you happen to see it around.

Hi jt , sorry to hear about your break up, l hope things work out for ya. But strangely enough my gf's been saying all very similar things last few mths too . She has some serious court things going on and some health stuff and she's had to be up home 1200k away last 5mths. She's been so negative and down on herself too.

ex

[Quercus]

Hi all,

Another interesting thread topic here Geoff.

Love is a powerful thing. Sometimes wonderful and others bloody painful too.

I keep my distance from people at times. Some sort of reaction along the lines of 'if you don't let people too close it hopefully won't hurt as bad when they leave' sort of feeling. It doesn't seem to work though.

As to knowing I'm in love, well that's an easy one. Even though my husband drives me up the wall at times, we're totally different and sometimes I wonder why he bothers staying with me there is nowhere else I'd want to be than here with him. If that's not love I've no idea what love is.

[geoff]

Hello Jt, thanks for your comment.

When someone is suffering from any type of mental illness they always presume that they are unable to love another person, that's why it's so hard for them to convey their to you, simply because they don't love themselves.

The reason why you may grieve is that you're not sure when and how she will be if she does return to you, it's certainly possible but she could be rather delicate in how she feels and slightly embarrassed trying to express her feelings, that when companionship and understanding will secure the love between the two of you.

It's not stubbornness but an awkward position you're been put into and can make it difficult knowing how to approach this situation, just take it slowly with her, she needs a friend.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello RX, will have a look at your thread.

Hi Quercus, keeping your distance can be good, but also has its drawbacks because how can you be sure what these people are thinking or whether or not they are spreading rumours that may be right or perhaps wrong, because our mind can think of so many different thoughts that could way out of line.

If, however, you love your husband, then perhaps at times it may be better to stay away from him when he is not feeling well or in a bad mood and approach him when it's over, whether or not you want to discuss it depends on how you are feeling towards the issue, but an understanding between the two of you is a sign of true love.

I can still love someone even if they do something I don't agree with, love doesn't come with a switch that turns it on and off.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Geoff,

Many thanks for your reply and your feedback. I certainly am a little bit unsure on how to proceed from here, and it does make the awkward for myself. On one hand I want to be a supportive friend, but on the other hand I’m afraid that my presence will just make her seem like I’m being needy. While I check up on her once a week to see how she’s doing, and I understand that her replies can take long (or ignored) because of what she’s going through. I can only trust my actions aren’t coming across to her as needy, and just as a supportive friend. She does reply when I do a check up, and also asks a few things about how I’m going. But when a follow up message gets sent, it feels like it gets ignored. I know not to take it personally, after all she is going through a hard time right now.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s best I just eject myself out of her life, and cut my connections completely. After all, I want what’s best for her, and that is for her to feel better about herself soon, and if my presence is just making her feel worse, isn’t ejecting myself good for her? But I can’t tell if that is the case and if she’s afraid of hurting me more, or if she wants to keep me as a friend still and have that kind of weekly check up and support. I still remember when we broke up, she did say she hope we could still stay as friends. And during the first 2 weeks of our break up, we were kinda chatting like nothing has changed, except for the number of messages that has been reduced. But I still remember one day I explained to her that perhaps it was me who triggered her depression episode, because I wasn’t being myself and I had some insecurities issue (which triggered some existential crisis on myself because I wasn’t sure if I was being genuine with her. I respected her very much, and made compromises wherever I can) , and explained that I want to find self-respect. That was when the number of messages had reduced significantly, she even said after that she’s not feeling well and super tired, so she’s staying away from messaging for a bit. That’s when the weekly check up and reply began.

I want to trust myself that, I definitely am approaching her as a supportive friend. But yeah, it’s really awkward when I do that. I’ll definitely take it slowly. So thanks for the advice Geoff,

Jt

[geoff]

Hello Jt, what can happen is that when you want to support someone who is struggling, the more that goes through your mind and the questions you ask yourself has a greater depth than what she is thinking about because her thoughts can go from one extreme to another, this depends on the person and the situation they're in and can affect your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and enjoy life and can keep them thinking about a particular thought or alternatively make them feel numb.

You can't be sure whether your insecurity issues are the reason why she feels like this and even if you decide to ask her you may not receive the answer you were hoping for, at the moment.

If you stop messaging her, then she may feel as though he may have no one and after a period of time it will take a greater effort to reconnect back with her, so I would continue and whether or not she does reply back to you, doesn't mean she doesn't know that you're there for her.

It's just as difficult for the partner/spouse to cope with the person they love who has depression, because all you want to do is help them as quickly as possible, unfortunately, this illness can be detrimental for those suffering from it.

If you love her keep in contact.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff and jt.

Jt wondering though if it's about getting back together for you too , or have you given up on that and willing to except just friendship in the future that'll possibly never be more again now ?

And Geoff , don't you think though in a way too, if jt does want the actual relationship back , excepting just the friend thing with her , is a bit dangerous in that way , kinda just friend zoning himself ?

rx