Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

[geoff]

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons.

Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, such as I cherish you, I want you to be by my side or more adoring words, sometimes we are too afraid to show our love and causes problems that we were not expecting.

Why do we show our pets more love than we do with our partner/spouse?

All thoughts are welcome, both good and those that truly upset us.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Speaking of that letter.

l've felt pretty nervous last few days bc it's probably arrived by now. l can't remember which day and wk l sent it on but l looked up how long airmail will take and it was roughly 10 days to the door. So it would've arrived at least a few days ago now , maybe a wk ago , depends which wk l sent it from.

l have absolutely no idea if she'll even still be at that address and so even get it in the first place , but if she does , what her reaction will be. She may even be reinvolved , it'd be mind boggling if such a stunning woman in so many ways isn't tbh,and so l'd say she probably is . Ans so the last thing she'd be even thinking about then these days is me and our crap l suppose , but then l've been reinvolved, yet l still was, so who knows.

What her reaction will be though , is making me really nervous . l probably won't ever even know what it was though anyway bc l doubt l'll hear back anyway , which kind of make it worse really.

rx

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Geoff, RX,

I like the burger analogy Geoff, I do agree with rx that sometimes it's the simplest of things that brings us happiness that we deserve. Then whatever happens later from it, we'll learn to correct our mistake (maybe a burger once every two weeks, or less. Everything in moderation). I'm really glad to hear about how you managed to reconnect with your ex after all these times. And you're right, we can't change the past, the past can hurt us only if we let it, otherwise the past is the past.

Yesterday I decided to just cut back on the use of that social media platform, in hoping that by avoiding her posts, I'll be able to process my emotions and thoughts about why I'm still feeling upset (probably still feeling hurt). I feel I should be happy for her to see that she's doing alright and is able to keep up with her art posts and other slice-of-life stuffs that she puts out. But I can't seem to do that right now. Think I just need more time to myself. I'm also not sure if this is normal from a break up (and probably a sign that I need more time to heal), but I keep feeling this sense of "Only she can mend the relationship, even if it's just friends. After all, I got discarded just like that, so I'll let her be the one to initiate the connection". Even though I know, we both had issues within ourselves (her depression and anxiety; my insecurities and Nice Guy problems) that had led to this outcome, that there's no right or wrong answer to the decision, and it's simply just not the right timing for the both of us. I'm still finding it difficult to be mutual about it.

Rx - I'm glad to hear you were able to send out that mail. I can relate to that sense of nervousness that you described. It happened to me when I send my ex the ticket money back with a description apologizing on making this decision, and to take care. I wasn't sure how she'd react to it, and whether she'd say anything about it. But alas, nothing happened. It made me feel crap at first, thinking she doesn't care anymore. But I took a moment to think thru it, and told myself that whether it's her MH or she truly doesn't care anymore, it's her decision, and is has got nothing to do with me as a person. Unfortunately I can't apply that thinking to how I feel about our break up. Feels like it's far more complex, and needs more time to heal and process. Proud of ya for being able to muster the courage to send the mail though rx :).

Jt

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff , just wanted to apologize for blowing the hamburger analogy out of proportion to btw.Strong believer in enjoying the little things haha, especially during depression but the point also didn't escape though none the less.

Hi Jt . Glad you returned the money anyway if it's something you needed to do.And man yeah for God sake do yourself a favor and stay away from her media , that stuff is just plain creepy at the best of times with whom can be flowing who but during a time like this for you , just nope , and her too l'd be thinking. Thankfully my ex didn;t do sm and neither do l or gf now either , l'd probably be having a peak haha, and regretting it .

But yeah , you need more time , of course. All the blah blah splattered all over the net about working on yourself at times like this all sounds well and good , but it's just unnatural and going against the heart trying to be and do things , force things upon yourself when it's just simply too soon and what you really need to do is just be still and digest recover , until you don't anymore. Don't ask ridiculous demands of yourself , it'll only come back and bite you with the needed energy it's drained.lt's ok to be hurt or sad or still for as long as is needed.

And thanks my friend for the letter thing , but l don't know. Speaking of learning from yesterdays mistake. l don't really regret it though although l am feel kinda sill for doing it now , maybe in her eyes , but if so then so be it. She's bound to take that kind of view in defensive mode for awhile it's so her , but l know once she's played that out she will absorb it and think about it. Mind you , that would be unless she's head over heals and in someone else's arms by now in which case they'll both be having a good old laugh on me but if so then so be.it.

l think it'd be her MH jt , it takes time but she will think about it . Maybe even acknowledge it at some later stage when she knows how to.

l heard from gf last wk , she wanted to explain better why she thinks this is the way right now , and l think she just wanted to talk right now for a bit too. l'm g;ad we talked and we did clear some very very big things up and her reasons are most definitely the right decision with what she is facing atm.There's really no other sensible way for her to go with it all , she's being very smart about it , l know that now.

Mind you , l also kind of got the feeling that could be our last chat for a very long time to and maybe an out for her.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey peeps

I popped in to post my BF nightmares (actual dreams, not him being a nightmare lol) & read back here.

Woah I'm so sorry that's all going on, also what ppl have gone through in the past. Darn. I could add myself there but... Group hugs everyone, come in here & share one.

That situation when one person loves the other person who doesn't love them back = "unrequited love".

Jt great idea, blocking SM.
It's too hard to deal with.
So hard trying to get over someone & "past" the r/ship when they're flashing in front of your face 24/7.
Too much.

I agree about the stuff "ppl say to do to get over someone" is all too hard if we're depressed.
If we're angry it's GOOD! Better investing all that angry energy into something OTHER than shouting on SM or IRL in any way (except for on a mountain top / SINGING really loudly).
I learnt all about "angry cleaning & gardening", & yes, rx sitting with the emotion is healthy also (as my Counsellor said "as long as it's not for too long & you do SELF-CARE at the end").

Rx is that what you think is happening?
GF seeing someone else?
If so, I really feel for you. (I do anyway).
That's a whole other ball game.
Sorry rx 😞

A nightmare about BF doing THE most revolting things & expecting me to get involved, in a vivid detail, woke me up this afternoon from a nap.

Yes I'll tell him about it, many wouldn't, I know.
But I do.

We had a short talk about "commitment" & he feels far more strongly about what that means than even I do - & I'm strong about it.
It was brought up because clearly I'm being vilified at work because a Colleague's H has been far too adoring over me for far too long. BF knows of him & others b4 doing same.
Yes I've spoken to that H directly about it many times over.
Now I deflect any attention. Talk to the HAND!
It's embarrassing for my Colleague (AND ME!). Now she's axed me from specific programs at work & put mountains more work on me.
Via Zoom recently her H popped in & said "Hello beautiful" to me. That was the clincher after days of it.

Her H & I went to school together - over 50y ago. We're a CLOSE group since school.
Awkward. I do everything right about that person. Grrr.
She says they argue for DAYS after he says these things to me.

Not my problem, except work impacts. So unfair.

Our common friend saw it & told me.
SHE SEES IT TOO. Crazy.

I don't like it.
I'm already in love, NOT with a married man! (grr)

EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Hiya em.

And nah , the letters wasn;t to gf , no way gf is seeing someone else so you can relax there but thx all the same.

The letter was to my ex from back when, before l become involved with gf l'm with now so don't sweat it , all cool. It was just basically about an apology for something l'd done back then that l still feel riddled with guilt over to this day that's all. And nah , so it's actually her that could be seeing someone else by now as l am myself to is all l was saying , and so she might not even care about what happened back then anymore was really all l meant. l have no idea what she'd be doing these days actually, she could be married off for all l know, and that'd be ok l;d be kinda relieved she isn't going to waste if she is married of tbh.

But ohhhhh, that is a tricky one your in , and on top of everything else your dealing with lately.

You told bf about the nightmare , nah , don't think l'd wanna rethink it all myself or go into the gore.

Look after em.

rx

[jtjt_4862]

Heya Em,

Glad to see you here, and really appreciate your kind words. I feel I've accepted my feeling of anger and frustration. I was trying to figure out why I'm angry about the break up yesterday evening. Even though I know the solution forward is to just let go and move on, but it has been on my mind for the past week, and it was something I couldn't just let go. But I came across a quote yesterday, "If you can choose to be right, or to be kind, choose kind". It had taught me that all these times, I was still being judgmental about it, even though logically no one was right or wrong, or rather... we were both wrong and that it was simply not the right time for the both of us. But I do have a judgmental nature in me, and it was still seeking out who was right and wrong in this situation. From that quote, it has taught me to be more self-aware of my judging nature, and to approach things with kindness that will benefit everyone instead of just myself. I like your idea of angry cleaning and gardening though, translate that energy to something productive :). I should try that out some day myself.

Take care of yourself Em. I wonder if what your Colleague's H is doing to you, could be considered unprofessional and even sexual harassment in a working environment?

Rx - It's really kind of you to be saying that you'd feel relieved if she is married. You want the best for her, and perhaps someone else was able to fulfill that for her. But even if she isn't married, perhaps her life is much happier being single and exploring the many wonders that life has to offer her. Kinda similar to what we're going through at the moment, going on with life flying solo and living every precious moment of it.

Jt

[Guest_1584]

Hi jt.

Your just working through things it's perfectly natural to go through all those emotions especially with the way things happened.

Personally, although l do have a bit of a temper, l haven't felt any anger toward her to speak of , the occasional spat that passes, and ends in empathy when l remember what she's going through.

But anyway hell yeah when you feel like it try gardening, climbing trees washing the car surfing whatever takes your fancy, anything at all you might enjoy and get involved in. lt does help. l go canoeing myself . Or l go outside and do some work around the place, or l go drive somewhere just to get out. l strangely just don't feel like music right now which is a first.

Take car.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Starting to regret sending that damn letter now and bringing it all up over an ex of nearly 4yrs ago,WTH was l thinking. l've got such huge stuff and stresses going on right now, and not to mention present gf issues as it's turned out.

Well , ex was a very very special situation and l know why l sent it of course , but l am regretting it. Thing is , with everything else l've got going on, l've also now got this very very uneasy feeling that ex might pop up again on top of it bc she'll have the letter by now. lt could only be via messages, a letter or a call, in persons not possible so that won't happen butttt.

Don't know if she will but the feeling that she could at any second in some form or other nonetheless is really really unsettling bc it will be very heavy if she does.Think l may've messed up opening that door.

rx

[geoff]

Hello EM, it's so difficult if a married person 'takes a liking to you', it puts you in an awkward situation, do I play along with it or do I nip it in the bud, a confusing scenario, which you will ponder over at work, home or in your spare time.

Hello RX, the hamburger was only made as a suggestion.

When you write a letter to an ex, it's much different than actually being face to face with them because the conversation has to continue, either positively or feeling in doubt about what you should say next and hoping the same situation doesn't once again happen and they leave.

The worry about when they get the letter and if they are going to reply is now out of your hands, but the anticipation of mail arriving and waiting for it to come may only disappoint you if nothing arrives, and when the phone rings or you receive a text you're desperately hoping it's them, but they are the person that's now in control and could be summing up whether or not to contact you and it may take them a day or so to decide.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Jt, when we break up with someone, we always wonder why they are still maintaining contact with other people on these social avenues, especially when you are suffering from losing them, why and how can they appear to be happy, doesn't this breakup mean anything to them because it certainly does for you, that's what is so annoying and understandably so.

As much as you just want to see who they're talking to, and hoping that it's not the person you don't like, it's best for you not to look, even though the temptation is so strong just to have a peek, it's best not to.

If they want to contact you, they will, you can't make them no matter how hard you try, simply because there may be an issue or two that can't be resolved.

Best wishes.

Geoff.