Feeling lost and in love, tell us your reasons.

[geoff]

We have many comments about being in love with someone but unable to achieve what we desire for many reasons.

Love is a beautiful word that can be expressed by just a small smile, a floating kiss or even a simple message that only has a word or two, such as I cherish you, I want you to be by my side or more adoring words, sometimes we are too afraid to show our love and causes problems that we were not expecting.

Why do we show our pets more love than we do with our partner/spouse?

All thoughts are welcome, both good and those that truly upset us.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Thx for the thoughts gents.

Yeah l could see in some cases there'd be things hidden or even that they just can't understand themselves , or maybe feelings poss' just aren't quite right . Tbh jt l think your ex isn't being quite on mark about feelings.

But as l've said l know all of gf's stuff, 99% sure of it and also separately her feelings too. She's explained plenty and even when we aren't together we'd usually chit chat all day through work and often 1/2 the night too. l'm far from blind or stupid and have a way above usual nose for things and l'll usually dig that thing out. She's great like that though, very open, loves communication , loves us leaning on ea other , being able to tell it how it is and our understandings , and l adore it all too it's one of the most important things for me, even if it's doubts or worries too , needs .

She has explained her ideas of why this now l still just have trouble wrapping my head around it though tbh. Anyway just last night actually she sent me a long long message , it's been over a wk, just about why she feels she has to go this way. Was a beautiful message and we talked a bit later too.

That's really helped and it's clear she hasn't hasn't given up on our future. She just feels she should stay there on hand for legals and layers mainly and keep mind right to deal with them. She's also shyt scared if she was down here the cases come up or legals need her but she;ll be locked out with more lock downs , which is exactly what would've happened with her sons new baby 3wks ago and why she wouldn't come down during the last 3mths before that. And low and behold, they did just that and locked down.

She also had really bad runs with lawyer video appointments so she wants to make sure they're in person well, out of lock downs anyway.

Lots of other things and also her anxiety, depression and stress being why she just doesn't feel she could cope with us right now. She sounded so clear and able to explain which just had just come at a time it had so she wanted to clear it up.

lt was also just beautiful to hear her talk about our future again and coming back down when it's all over, she's just been too scared to think about it. Anyway it was so nice to catch her with her thoughts straight. Her main fear about us and her staying up Sydney waiting it out though is that no one knows when it will be , or the out come , so she doesn't want me on hold, could be 18mths or us hurt if it's not a good outcome.

rx

[jtjt_4862]

Hi RX,

I suppose so, it's really hard to know the truth behind it all without being able to connect with her. Plus I had my own issues as well, and wasn't being my best for her during the last moments of our relationship. At this stage, as sad as it sounds. I don't have any hopes of us reconnecting. I managed to get the refund to the play tickets that we initially agreed to go watch as friends together when we were wrapping up the relationship (returning stuffs and just settling any unpaid stuffs). Sent the refund money thru PayID back to her, and just deal with the sense of grief and sadness that came with it. I know people would say "Oh, you may never know when life would reconnect you both together". But I don't want to hold onto that hope, otherwise I'll struggle moving forward. At least... for now I guess. Either way, the ball is in her court now. It's up to her to decide whether she wants to reconnect or not.

Anyways, wow. I'm really happy for you RX. Your ex got back to you last night with a long message to clear things up with you. And you also got to chat with her for a bit. It's really sweet that she still has you in her heart. Though I'm curious to know what will happen next for the two of you. Keep us updated on how it goes :).

Jt

[Guest_1584]

PS

lt was beautiful to see a gimps of her old self again though and to hear some of the things she wanted to get out.

Mind you though , unfortunately it can't change the situation though and sadly things are still where they're at until her cases are done. So under the circumstances l don't think it's too wise putting myself and life on hold in wait . it could even be up to 2 yrs away and things change , people change , and things happen.

But l have felt so much better none the less and although l can't say as l agree with her decision , she might be right actually.

rx

rx

[Guest_1584]

Hi jt and thanks for the thoughts as always.

ln your case yeah look l might be wrong but l just get the impression of not only of what she's going through within herself , and maybe that's why too, but that she's not sure how she's feeling about you guys either. l may be wrong though an l well know how hard these things are to translate into a post to strangers and get it all across in the right ways.

But mate , who cares about a bit of ticket money , l'd have just sent it back from my pocket but l suppose if you didn';t wanna go alone or take a friend, may as well get the refund l guess.

Yeah they say that , l've said it myself , but it's in the kindest of gestures too and you do never know either though anyway right.Strange things can happen.

Anyway yeah, living for our future from here is all we can do really no choice anyway unfortunately. For me out talk can't change that l suppose but l do feel so much better in the understanding now none the less.

Tbh , she's worked 15yrs for this , and she'll lose it all if things don;t go right, of course she wants to focus on it and do every possible thing she can. l don't know how l could've over looked it all and been so selfish as to be so worried about us and me.

But alas , still on the same boat as yourself though at the end of the day nonetheless and so much could change if l can;t be by her side through it all and separated in this way. l can't just wait blindly under the circumstances and life will have to go on for me too l;m afraid. l have some big stuff going on this yr renovating selling moving maybe even rebuilding next yr , who knows what the future holds.

rx

[jtjt_4862]

Heya Rx,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really appreciate your perspective on my situation, and yeah, perhaps she isn't sure about us being in a relationship together as well. Something that I've buried deep within me unconsciously, most probably because it brings out the sadness that it just wasn't meant to be for us. I didn't want to go alone, nor take a friend because I feel just going to the show itself would trigger all sorts of grief within me. Even just getting a confirmation email from the ticket support group about my refund, was making me feel sad.

It really hit me when you mentioned that "it's in the kindest of gestures". I had some sense of anger and frustration as I was writing that sentence out about not wanting to hold on to that hope of our paths crossing again. It's something difficult to process, and even though I tell myself to just forgive and move on, it sometimes comes back to bug me again... I feel there may still be some lingering emotions from the break up that I need time to uncover and accept...

I'm sorry to hear about your situation again Rx. It's bitter sweet, and I'm glad that you're feeling much better with some more closure from your ex. We're certainly on the same boat; nothing we can do but to move on and live life. Coincidentally, I too have some big stuff going on, about to sign a mortgage with a bank, and have a place of my own. Lots more to discover what life has to offer. Certainly on the same boat my friend :).

Jt

[geoff]

Hello Jt and RX, what's so good is that both of you are talking about your emotions, rather than bottle it all up.

If I could extrapolate on 'if you love someone set them free', well yes, but more so, if you allow them to go on a holiday with other people, or if you can accept them to be away for a period because of certain circumstances that may have arisen, they will return if they love you, likewise you will want hem back if you also love them.

If however you only care for them, then this may not happen, although you might be worried about how they are going, and people say 'no news is good news', I don't necessarily agree with that, simply because something awful may have happened to them and are unable to notify you.

My best

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Yeah of course jt , so said when you were meant to be going to the concert together , you won't wanna even bother now. Sad too l know but nice to be able to send the money and it being a small reminder of you. They tell themselves all kinds of crap subconsciously going through this , even that beautiful things with you guys weren't so much , all kinds of stuff, noticed it a lot with my gf, And lt could even just be in those ways with yours atm moment too. On one hand mine is trying so hard to keep it together for her cases and circumstances , but on the other she's fighting off the depression and anxiety , and love to l hope , so they subconsciously need to hear from themselves whatever will help get them through , yaknow.

Fantastic about your new place , l know it;ll be bitter sweet now to though , but hopefully as you adjust to all this , some excitement creeps in and over powers the bads.We were suppose to be doing all my stuff , our stuff, she even stuck pictures of nice houses all over the walls for inspiration . lt's one thing to just real it all off in a sentence here but tbh , like your sitch l'll really be really needing something to kick in and fire me up , bc l don';t even feel like dealing with any of it now.

Bitter sweat is surely right huh . Yaknow what , there's someone here , white knight, Tony. He went through all this 10 yrs ago , he's stories around somewhere. So he said ok , he wants to buy a bush block and build he's own house, and so he did . From there things happened, life, he's remarried and has a whole new life now. l love he's story and it also just happens tp be what l wanna do myself too now if l sell this place . And you've got yours coming up too , and who knows from there right. Maybe gf reappears , maybe yours gets herself through to the other side, or new maybes , or who knows right.

Hi geoff and thanks as always.

Never know l suppose yeah , could be testing out that saying. l'd be pretty sure l'll hear from her especially if her cases work out. But that could be wishful thinking too bc it will probably be a long way off yet and life could happen meantime, sooo, who knows. l'll be worried and praying to if l was religious , that she's just ok too.

rx

[jtjt_4862]

Hi rx, Geoff,

Thank you as always for your kind and thoughtful comments. To add onto what Geoff said, yeah, if it becomes one sided (only one person cares, while the other doesn't), then it certainly becomes pointless. I still think about her from time to time, and so long as I see her artworks on social media, it helps keep me informed that she's doing okay. A part of me sometimes feel hurt when it isn't art related (like foods, books, scenery), but I'll slowly process that emotion and thought over time. Maybe I'll just block that functionality on my social media app so I won't see it...

Rx, it's comforting to know that someone else has been thru what both you and I are aiming to work on for ourselves. Kinda exciting to think how things will turn out (whether better or worse) hahaha. For that, I hope for the strength and courage for the both of us to face whatever lies ahead.

Jt

[geoff]

Hello Jt, RX and everyone else, when my wife divorced me, I was shattered beyond belief but in hindsight didn't blame her, it was my depression and self medicating on alcohol, that caused the problem, at that stage, I wasn't aware and didn't care because this illness was way too strong, however, I rang her sometime later and asked if she needed anything done where she was living, which she appreciated and said yes, if I could do a,b,c, that would be a great help and I obliged.

It was then devastating when she said she was going to live with somebody, she knew that would be something I didn't want to happen, but couldn't stop it, we were divorced, but over the last few years we have increased our communication as if nothing happened, and when the past may be brought up, I tell her that's gone and then start to discuss the present.

We can't change what's happened, but know that others need to discuss it to sort out their relationship, but when or if this begins try and suggest talking about now or what's going to happen in the future.

For example, I ate a takeaway hamburger yesterday, I wish I didn't but it's too late now ( actually I didn't) but have learned from my mistake.

Keep well.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff .

Just wondering first why do you wish you didn't eat the burger , didn't you enjoy it , or is it medical ? lt's just that l love savoring those simple things. it's amazing how happy the simplest of things can make us feel if we let them , and to me last few yrs l've realized how good for us and so an important a thing in life it is to enjoy those simple things. We lose sight of so much don't in the struggles of life , we forget to savor and enjoy.

l probably made a big mistake then in that letter l sent to ex , bc a lot of it turned out being about our stuff. But l did try hard not to harp on and to speak my truths in a sort of light hearted manner , but l did also talk about just life and what's been happening too. When l rewrote it each time l did try to trim back any us issues talk more and more though. Problem was the main reason l wanted to write her was to apologize for more part in things , so l had to go into them a bit to do that.

The now though yeah , it's a nice idea for sure and l can well see the positives and effects and needs to.

Not to lighten the huge stuff you went through with your ex w, l try not to talk about mine, it was the worst time of my life by 10 fold and l'd rather just leave it there tbh. But all l can say is l do hear you.

Take care and l'm so pleased you talk these days and there's been a kind of a circle for you both.

rx