Feeling lost and confused

[Guest_64596266]

• Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. 

Whenever he sits next to me on the lounge he loosely holds my hand if he sits and holds the hand of his Nan mum daughter etc he holds them tightly 

My partner also really gets into wanting sex with me when he works around women he'll come home wanting it where if he isn't working he rejects it so much 

Lately his been having a lot of sexual dreams over the years when he has wet dreams his never ever told me they are about us he just says he don't have them however for the first time the other day he said I'm intiled to have a dream every now and then 

This man knows I've never been loved never been treated like a woman he knows I adore him so much he sees it and states it because it's true I love him so much I just don't feel the same in return I feel like I'm just here if he needs something yes I've talked to him

[BlueLily]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum! Sorry to hear that you feel your love is not reciprocated.

In my own experience communication is the key to a relationship. I've had instances where my partner behave in a certain way due to his misunderstanding of what I might think or say. So finding the right time and asking him why he tends to have a fist when laying on bed or don't hold hands on the couch might get him to open up and understand his thought process.

Hope you are able to have a open discussion. Take care.

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'd like to join BlueLily in welcoming you here to the Forum and am very sorry to hear you feel you may be being used by the one you love - a terrible feeling.  I was as uncertain as you are about the hand holding, I'm not sure if it's significance, a clenched hand may indicate may things  from anger to anxiety

Similarly holding your had more loosely than the other members of his family could be acceptance, or could be disregard - frankly I don't know. They are very subtle observations and no doubt you are sensitive to such things as you mention this your first real romance.

Many males are turned on by different things , so seeing women during the day may cause a surge in desire, and he looks to you as a result. I agree it is disappointing and even worrying he does not feel the same way at other times.

Wet dreams can be very embarrassing for someone to talk about and so I do not know that denial is anything other than ordinary inhibition. It does look like he has a strong sex drive, and it may not match yours. Again I'm not sure.

While you have mentioned two things that may be worrying and perhaps indicative of being used I think I'd be looking for other things as well before drawing any definite conclusions.

I believe in any good relationship both persons wish to make the life of the other better, to look after them and support them in times of trouble or distress. Small acts of kindness and consideration can mean a lot even if a person is unwilling or unable to talk about their  feelings.

The opposite of course is that a person is used, not just for sex, but in other ways too, from money to being disregarded or dishonesty. I hope this is not the case.

On a slightly different tack may I ask how you get on with his family? Is this a cause of distention or is all good.

If on reflection you feel the relationship has hope and can be better in future have you considered couples counceling? I can recommend Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) who are very good getting both parties to see the needs of the other on an equal footing.

If they do not have an office near you they may know of another suitable one.

If you would like to come back and say more that would be great, you are not alone

Croix