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Feeling like my girlfriend deserves better than me
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Hi there,
So I’ve not posted in a while, but I’ve recently been dealing with some feelings of inadequacy in my current relationship.
My new girlfriend (3+ months) is an incredibly self sufficient, self reliant, and confident person. She is a doctor, and has a highly involved social life. She is regularly involved in multiple events and activities, and seems to have boundless amounts of capacity to do things. She cooks amazingly, writes dnd campaigns, reads, draws, knits, has an active interest in politics, and is a generally well-rounded, somewhat brilliant individual with a thriving social life and a well established self identity.
By comparison, whilst I try to make friends and undertake activities, I am often hamstrung by my high levels of anxiety. I find it hard to constantly put myself out there, and struggle to maintain the level of energy/interest in a lot of activities at times.
I somewhat believe she genuinely wants to be with me, but I cannot figure out as to why, and I struggle to reconcile how someone of her caliber would find me interesting long term. It’s made me incredibly self conscious last few times we have been together. I often wonder how I fit into her life (if at all) and as we have moved out of the honeymoon phase, I am increasingly insecure around her.
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Hi oldmate322,
Thanks for the post and your candour. The way you feel is completely understandable and is something alot of partners feel.
Sometimes it is easier for others to love us than it is to love ourself and that may be the case in your situation. As opposed to comparing yourself to your partner it may be best to focus on yourself and improving yourself in comparison to the old you. Taking steps everyday to increase you sense of self worth and overall confidence. I would recommend trying to address your underlying anxiety and from there participating in some of the activities you listed or are interested in.
The best way to address anxiety would be to consult a professional through your GP. Here is some more information about anxiety and the treatments available: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/anxiety
Hope that helps.
Bob