Feeling hurt

[flossie62]

I have been away from this site for awhile, but tonight I feel like I have to write down what has just happened as I feel so sad. I have been feeling so good recently. Even after having a fall 2 weeks ago, and still carrying the scars and bruises, I have managed to cope quite well and kept myself busy and happy. But tonight, out of the blue, my husband's friend of over 60 years told him via text message not to call again and to 'have a nice life'. My husband and I cannot think of any reason for this message and it has hurt both of us so much. We don't know what to do.

I feel very teary and sad, and I can't focus on anything else and we keep asking ourselves why did this happen.

I ask myself why do we even bother to have friends. There doesn't seem to be any point, when they make you feel so bad when that friendship is taken away suddenly.

[quirkywords]

Flossie

Hello. I am sorry you are feeling so bad.

That is so sad and I understand why you are upset. To be friends for over 60 years and then to be dismissed like that does not make much sense. Has the friend been unwell, does he have his own problems?

Do you have other friends. I can see why you feel so let down but friends are important.

It is good you could talk about how you feel on this forum.

Thinking of you

Quirkywords

[flossie62]

Thanks quirkwords for your response. It does help to know someone is listening.

The friend definitely does have his own problems, not that he'll admit that. He virtually lives like a hermit and we, as a couple, were allowed into his life as he doesn't have many friends at all. He and my husband would often have very long phone conversations and were very good mates, which makes this all so much harder. It's unexplainable.

Should we make contact with the friend, or just leave things alone? Need advice on the best way to handle things.

[gld]

Hi flossie62,

It is understandable you both are upset by receiving this sort of text by a friend of sixty years.

I feel some people who live in a hermit lifestyle are unique and sometimes lose some of their social skills. It could be if they are going through some difficulties they may not want to burden others.

If they have sent you a text like this i feel that you could send a text in brief letting them know you are both always there for them if they want to contact you in the future.

It is impossible to try to guess why people do what they do when they do not give a reason and doing so could make it more difficult for both of you.

You are both very lucky to have each other to share and enjoy experiences with.

Do you think Dr Kim could help you with this situation.

Gen

[geoff]

hello Flossie this must be very upsetting, but I have a feeling that it has nothing to do with either of you, and I say this because he lives as a hermit, but if anybody is suffering from any mental illness they often want to be by themselves and not to be disturbed, that's depression telling him to do this.
I also don't think that he wants to left alone and cut you both off, because it could be a cry out for help, as strange as it may seem, but that's what can happen.
If he lives as a hermit and you know that he has problems, then it's quite possible he could be suffering from depression, so the first thing they do is cut ties.
You could try and ring him but I'm not sure he will answer the phone, so I would go around to see him, but remember if he does have depression he may not talk about what is troubling himself, so it's best not to question him too much, because if you do then he will close up even more.
You will be able to pick up his mood, and the best solution is for him to come and live with you, but I don't think he will want to, however somehow you may have to try and get him to see a doctor, and that maybe the hard part, but please let us know. Geoff.

[flossie62]

Thanks for the responses so far. We will try to ring, but we also believe that he won't answer his phone - that's if he hasn't deleted us already. If that doesn't work we'll go there and try and see him.

And he definitely won't stay with us.

I have a busy day but I'll be back. Thanks everyone.

[flossie62]

I had a bad night, thinking about our friend and wondering what on earth we can do to make things right.

My husband has decided that he doesn't want to do anything, but I feel differently. I am so sad that this has happened and I will leave it a day or two and then try and make contact with him. If he doesn't respond, then we will drive there (an hour away) and see if he will talk to us.

He stays in bed most days until about 11am and now that he is getting older, he is not doing as much as he used to. He definitely suffers from depression, but is the kind of person who won't admit it. He only goes to the dr every 6 months to get prescriptions, and would certainly never go to a dr to talk about depression.

I am just hoping that things will work out between us.

[geoff]

hello Flossie, thanks for replying.
I didn't think that he would stay with you, as someone who is living as a hermit as you say, then that would create too much anxiety for him and that's certainly not what you want to do, I much appreciate that, as well as your husband who has decided against contacting him, but please remember a man in pain will not ask for help, and a hermit will definitely not.
If your husband doesn't want to contact him, because he feels let down and I respect that, but I think that if you are really concerned about him, you need to see him.
This may cause an argument between you and your husband, but a 60 year old r/ship is a long time to lose a friend, but it's happened for a reason, one he is too frightened to tell you, but people are too scared to say anything because they don't want to worry their friends, I think this has happened.
Try and convince your husband to go with you. Geoff.

[quirkywords]

Flossie

Thanks for keep us up to date.

Geoff has given helpful information.

I know when I have turned people away because I was depressed I regretted it later.

You are a good friend to be worried about your friend.

quirkywords

[flossie62]

Haven't done anything yet in relation to contacting our friend. Just don't know what to do.