Feeling as a bad person for my family
I just had a fight with my 13 years old son, following my fight yesterday with my husband. I told my husband to leave or I would. My son yes... fighting with my son, what kind of mother I am.
My son in the past always destroyed the presents/cards that he made for me from school, when he’s mad at me. I don’t have any of mothers’ day card, birthday card to keep anymore, all have been ripped.
It’s school holiday and I am at work, but he’s been playing XBOX non stop for 6 hours, I warned him since last week, I will took the keyboard away that he uses if he is not taking a break every 2 hours, but he ignored me.
So this morning, I took the the XBOX controller first, the. he got mad, kicking the walls and start swearing. He then cut and torn a birthday card for me from him, his brother and my husband. Things got uglier the thrown and damaged our family photo album. I can’t go to work.
I feel I am to blamed for this mess, as I am a bad tempered person, i cannot control my anger, and I am too arrogant to admit my mistake. I am pushing everyone around me and I treated my family worst. Other people think I am a nice person but I think I treated my own like garbage.
I need help, before I harm my family emotionally or even physically. I feel ashamed of myself now, and really don’t know what to do.
Thanks for reading.
Welcome to beyond blue.
For a variety of reasons I think that I am bad father/husband etc. The reasons are very different to your but this does not really matter. I am also very critical of myself. VERY. So when I read your story, I was trying to work out which part you did wrong. The fight you said that you had with your husband is a different matter that I will ignore for lack of real details.
If I can summarize your story.... last week you warned your son about what happens if he spent too much time on the XBOX. You son spent too much time online (?) and you followed through with your warning.
Unfortunately this is where things went worse, as your son started to destroy things, things that would have had meaning to you? What was the mistake that you made?
My first question is ... if one of your friends told you this story about their son, what would you tell them?
I have two nephews - in grades 1 and 3 (or 4). It would be fair to say the older one has a gaming addiction. When I chat with Mum, she will tell me that his mother (my sister in law) is concerned about the way he behaves when he does not get his way when it comes to playing games on his console. At the moment it is only crying and tantrums but what about when he gets older?
So what can to you do?
You could talk to a counsellor/therapist or similar to find ways to address the situation with your child?
You might be able to add some sort of positive reinforcement if he "follows the rules". For example, if he can follow the rules for a week, he might get a reward like home delivered pizza or something? And a star each week. And if he can do it all term (?) give some sort of bigger reward? You would have to work this out with him.
Two last points...
You won't be the first or last parent to have a argument/fight with their child. I also know of one "child" that knocked out his father (many years ago) for not getting what he wanted. Unfortunately nothing is perfect when it comes to parenting.
Finally, whether the issue was to do with XBOX or "some more general" problem regarding the behaviour of your son, and whether your son should receive any professional help is only something you can determine.
You are not a bad mother. That is important to remember. You might be struggling with the behaviour of your son, but I am hopeful that if not my reply, in those from others, you will find the answer to this matter.
Peace to you,