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Feeling alone

Hope_
Community Member

Hi I am new to this and thought I would give this a try

my whole schooling life I've been isolated and left out from my friends which went on up until year 12. My whole group of friends came up with a plan and decided they wanted to ignore me. This went on for months up until I finished year 12. I basically lost all my friends and it was for no reason, I hadn't done anything, just because they decided and used excuses from previous spats we had from years before as an excuse. No one has ever apologised to me for how they acted and put me through and it's been 8 years since. It's a memory that I unfortunately will never forget and the emotional pain still haunts me.

ive had a boyfriend for 10 years and he became my bestfriend and was always there to support me through anything. For a couple years our relationship has started to crumble slowly. It's gotten to the point that he has limited time for me at all. I've tried to talk with him about how I'm feeling and he just doesn't have the time to care or even pretend to. He makes me feel so insignificant and small and puts me down when I cry. He thinks it's crocodile tears.

It makes it really hard for me because I don't have any friends to talk to, I've only ever had him to turn to for support. I'm tired of feeling alienated and alone and without him in my life I will be completely alone

i cry everyday and night, I can't sleep at night and I want and drink alcohol every single night. I know it's not healthy, I don't know how to get my boyfriend to see that I'm faking my feelings and to take my emotions seriously. I want to save our relationship but I feel too tired and whatever I do will be pointless to him

11 Replies 11

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi hope , welcome

The "gang" mentality is infectious to some people. Its cruel and one day you might meet one of these members in the street and they will feel guilty and so they should.

However, they were young and youth means immaturity. It might be a better idea to forgive them in your mind. That will mean you can move on and it will also be the more mature thing to do.

From what you've said about your boyfriend it sounds like he has lost some respect for you at some point. But I'll come back to that.

It isnt easy to put emotions aside but, believe me it can be done. Crying all the time as well as drinking ...you know it wont solve any issues. So, do you think its time for the real Hope to tackle the world?

When we have problems we often get emotional and that sparks all the bad memories. Before we know it we are a mess.

One problem loved ones have is their inability to solve emotional situations. They cant really understand it and therefore cant help. They feel useless and support isnt easy for them. We have to accept that and it doesn't mean they dont love you. But your bf might miss the laughter and fun he used to have with you. There is a remedy- distraction!

No matter how sad you are, pick up a game...like monopoly or scrabble and play it with him. Or walk the dog or computer games. I call this switching mindsets. If I can do it with my chronic emotional problems you can to.

Ive got some threads listed below that I've written. Each one deals with your issues. If you like just read the first post I wrote ok.

use google

Topic: the gang mentality- beyondblue

Topic: they just wont understand, why?- beyondblue

Topic: switching mindsets- beyondblue

Finally, visit your GP, tell them how you cry a lot. It wont hurt.

Thank for posting, repost anytime. You are brave fir being here.

Tony WK

slippery_slope
Community Member

Hi Hope,

Thanks for sharing, you have and are going through painful times.

It's a tough slog but you can get through this.

Please, please, please lay off the alcohol.

Please, please, please read through the forum and find something, anything that will help you cope through this time.

Thinking of you,

Steve

RandR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Hope,

Welcome to the BB forums 🙂

Thank you for sharing your situation and my name is Raman.

I Wass bullied all throughout my primary school years and like you, had all my friends turn their back on me when I was in my early teens/twenties. Even my closest friends left me and I lived in a double story house all by myself and I know that feeling very well. Fast forward a few years and I can assure you that things get better, you meet new circles and friends and in time you will look back and learn from this. We are not robots so it's impossible to simply forget the past. But what we can't do is remember all the things 'we do not want'.

Enthusiasm is contagious, and I say this because people can pick up on people's energy, vibe. I spent many years focused on the negatives and became quite negative myself and lost all hope and subsequently people who were potentially good for me (friends, partners) were turned off and walked the other direction.

Tony mentioned that your boyfriend may have lost some respect for you and I would have to agree. In my experience and other close friends experiences it's times like this when you would hope your partner would be even more supportive and hear you out but remember partners also have things going on deep inside so this can affect how they act/treat you.

Like your forum name, Hope does exist. There are over 7.5 billion humans on the planet and I can assure you despite the past and current situation you are facing, there are plenty of other great friends and people that will be there for you 🙂 Like us here at Beyond Blue 🙂

I too was in a relationship with my girlfriend in the past for 3 and a half years (the last year wasn't great) and the last year we too crumbled. The love, lust, respect and sharing similar interests just wasn't there anymore. We both knew it and made the decision to move on and wished each other the very best. It was very difficult but as the saying goes 'there's no point flogging a dead horse'.

I wish you and your boyfriend all the very best and hope things do work out and I admire your strength and perseverance. You are a lot stronger than you realise 🙂

Hope this has somewhat helped you and feel free to reply back and we are here to help 🙂

Kind regards,

Raman.

Hope_
Community Member

Thankyou everyone for the lovely support. I understand what each of you are saying. It's very hard to implement sometimes especially on bad days

I've lost my ability to concentrate on tasks I know I need to do. When everything is going great with my partner I regain my ability to function like a normal human being

I feel like my emotions and extremely up and down and I don't know what I'm even doing anymore. I can be totally fine and then start to panic when I'm beginning to feel ignored and in cared for from my partner that I can't breathe as if someone is standing on my chest and my legs turn to jelly. I try to walk but I feel weak and feel like passing out.

I tried to talk to my partner again but he laughed at me. He thinks I'm being rediculous and dumb. I know his going through his own set of issues and get that he can't be there for me completely. But his not there at all for me but has the time for his friends to support them. I don't know what I've done

RandR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Hope,

Your very welcome and how are you feeling today?

Finding that structure and routine is a step by step process. Simply take small progressional steps one bit at a time. Things are always somewhat easier when there is someone to lean and get support from. By the sounds of it your partner is dismissing you when you try to approach him and to hear that he is making time for friends but not you isn't ideal. Sometimes letting go although the idea my scare us in the short term can often be better in the longer term.

Do you have any friends/family that you can turn to for support and to talk to outside of just your partner?

Nice hearing back from you 🙂

Raman.

Hi Hope,

First and foremost you haven't done anything wrong.

Its a devastating feeling when the one closest to you doesnt get you and even worse when they throw it back in your face.

Would you seek professional help? It could just be your first step to reach peace and freedom.

Thinking of you,

Steve

Hope_
Community Member

I am feeling much better today than I have the past few days. I have a family member I speak to about some things but feel like a burden sometimes especially when I know they have problems of their own.

I am going to try the switching mindset and keep busy when I'm feeling low and if I can't cope I'll see my doctor for extra help

right now I feel much better and trying to stay positive

thanks so much eveyone !

Great news hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying something to help is better than doing nothing. There are many things to try if one thing doesn't work.

Just never give up on your self.

Thinking of you.

Ho hope.

Not taking anything away from your thing but l do wonder if you actually support your bf too ?

You said he has issues too but even if he didn't he'd still need things form you too, it can't be just all about you , and this would also help you forget your things for awhile and focus on supporting someone else.which will help you to feel strong.