Fear of abandonment
Hi LC, welcome
Under the umbrella of insecurity abandonment would be high on the list of fears. Going through life in fear is a cruel existence.
Throughout our lives tragedy stikes, trauma more often and the cards fall where they drop. We'd like to think others get it easier eg rich people over the poor. My 67yo neighbour visited daily for the last 6 years. Not an unhealthy day in his life. 12 months ago received a large inheritance. Last week he told us of his latest diagnosis. I'm now richer than him in so many ways.
But it seems you've had more than your fair share of hurt and young age hurt left you as you are today. You have succeeded in your marriage, thats a medal job!.
I'm glad you're here. Plenty if reading available.General reading in "all posts" in "staying well" section might be of interest to you.
For me I had emotional issues since 12yo. Finally in 2009 i was diagnosed with dysthymia and bipolar2. At12yo my brother nearly drowned and that event stopped me talking for 3 months. So my psych traced back this to being the culprit of most of my woes. Add to that my mother with an undiagnosed problem likely BPD and it was a powderkeg.
With a trail of destruction she left behind its a shame some people dont get help and they and others pay a price. I havent seen my mother for 7 years. I'm happier now, stable enough to help members here if I can.
It sounds like there's been a huge amount of sorrow and grief you've had to deal with in your life. It's understandable that as a result of so many horrible experiences that you've developed a fear of abandonment. In my experience, fearing something doesn't make it any less possible of occurring - learning to become unafraid of the things I've feared has helped the best in preventing it from happening! Taking the power away from it by saying "No!" in my head to it because, while you don't have power over whether other people stay with you or leave you, the feeling of abandonment is a feeling and isn't tangible, therefore one may assume it's something that can be overcome.
How do you feel like you're dealing with your mental health issues?
I'm so glad for you that the future looks brighter. You surely deserve it after such heartache over many years.
Thanks for sharing- I'm sure your words can help someone here.
I think that I have learned quite a bit about myself over the last five years. Admitting I needed help and actively seeking it out saved my life. I now know that my behavior towards others in my immediate family was triggered by the tragic events in my life, and I suppressed it for many, many years. And I paid a price for it by being estranged from my daughters and grandchildren. Bridges have been burnt and for my own sanity I have given up hope on them being rebuilt. I have a chronic lung disease and my solace is going for a walk three days a week. Exercise, outside on a nice day, does wonders for the mind. My wife and I now have plans for a life in retirement and a brighter future, so that is my focus. I actively work on my physical health and that translated into my mental health. Some days are not easy, but others on this forum would be in a worse situation than me. I feel as though I have been gifted a second chance so I will take it.
I'm please that you've learned a lot about yourself over the recent years, and moreso that you were able to take big steps to help yourself. It can be so calming being able to understand the reasons behind they way you act and feel, and can help you more easily overcome those feelings and behaviour.
It's important to do things at whatever pace you feel comfortable and you saying that you've given up hope for your own sanity may be a good decision to keep yourself well.
It's great that you say you have a solace, and you're right, exercise that is done outside with the fresh air and Vitamin D is indeed wonderful for the mind. It's great that you can see the links between your physical and mental health. You carry a sense of optimism and gratefulness that is admirable.
I hope your second chance goes well for you, surely you deserve it.