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Problems with having relationships / need perspective

Community Member

To set this up, I have recently had to drop out of university due to not having enough money & have had 0 luck finding employment.

Right before I dropped out, I started seeing/sleeping with this guy who was really wonderful to be around. I'm 27, but I've never been able to have a real relationship before so I wasn't aware that I was putting forward the idea that it was just sex/friends kinda thing. Eventually I clued on and tried to tell him (about 4 months of spending time together, sporadically) and he told me that he had started seeing someone.
We talked about it which was helpful, but it still made me feel completely terrible.

Having never been this intimate with someone before, I don't know if my reaction to the end is typical or if a buildup of past failures (like uni and other relationships) is starting to take its toll. For two weeks I have been really emotional & randomly crying (I rarely cry otherwise) and on other days have been positive that everything is going to be fine. I started seeing a therapist this week to talk things over but it was mostly an introductory session so I still have a lot of questions and confusion.

I also don't have a lot of people I can talk about this with as they usually either were unaware of what was happening & I'd have to explain it all over or they do know and they don't think its something that needs discussing.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello FriesGuy, it's always sad when a r/ship breaks up, but the two accept that their future together would not be appropriate or there could be many other reasons why it happens, but there always seems to one person who feels the brunt of the breakup, and in this situation, unfortunately it's you.
There could be many circumstances which could attribute to this breakup, money, loss of interest, move away or have found someone else who they like more, this doesn't mean that you have lost, it's only part of forming another r/ship.
Your past failures may have contributed to this, but for some reason I don't think so, and I say this because if two people are in love they cope with whatever is thrown at them, through thick and thin.
You mustn't blame yourself because if you do then you're giving into depression and that's when all your negative thoughts begin to hassle you, don't let this happen, and there will be times in the future where you meet someone else but may also breakup, actually that's part of learning, and from one r/ship to another you learn something different.
Please keep up with your counselling and if they believe medication would help you then give it a go. Geoff.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey FriesGuy90,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

I appreciate you opening up with us and it sounds like it's been hard opening up to your friends; I'm sorry that they haven't been able to hold space for you as you deal with all of this going on.

I kind of feel like it might be a bit of both; I don't think there's any 'typical' reaction to a relationship break-up; everyone reacts in different ways. It does make sense that it's hitting you hard given that you didn't know what kind of relationship it was and also that it was your first intimate experience. Or maybe it could just be the 'icing on the cake' of other things taking it's toll too.

I'm really glad that you've started seeing a therapist. I'm sure that as the sessions continue you'll be able to open up more and they can help you a bit. Maybe if you're comfortable you can let us know how that goes.

Hope this helps