Hi ,
So for as long as I can remember, my dad has been a drinker. I’ve never really wanted to admit any of this so I’ve never written it down or spoken about it (except to my partner), so this is hard for me to do.
My dad works a stressful job, and he drinks basically every night. I would say he drinks a lot (bottles at a time). Sometimes he becomes quite happy, but other times he gets angry about things that happened years ago and he seems to go on and on and yells and it just makes my anxiety skyrocket, to the point where I have what I think are panic attacks. He mostly takes his anger out on my mum. He can be a not nice person when he’s been drinking, and often the next day won’t remember things that have happened or been said.
My partner and I are still long distance and I’ve been finding that when I’m at my partners house I get anxiety of a night time because I’m not sure whether my dad is angry or has been drinking etc and is taking it out on my mum. I find that I often (every night) text my mum asking if things are ok with her and my dad.
Ironically I had a catch up talk with my dad in the last day when I came back from visiting my partner. I actually mentioned to him about how I noticed I get anxious around people who are drinking, and I specifically mentioned a recent time where I was at a concert with my partners sister. He asked me if I get anxious in those situations (where people are drinking and getting loud) because of his drinking and his yelling. So he’s obviously aware, yet doesn’t seem to do anything about it. There have been multiple times where he’d say he’d quit drinking or that it’ll be his last drink (I believe he can stop because he has been able to for a few periods of time), but it doesn’t seem to be long lasting because then he gets stressed again.
I don’t like the way he treats my mum (when drinking), regardless of the situation in their relationship. If I was treated that way in a relationship then I would not be happy. I just get confused because in the past my partner and I went through difficult times and my dad had some things to say about me deserving better, yet I don’t see that happening for my mum.
I’m lost and confused and anxious right no because another argument occurred tonight. I don’t know if I have the right to tell my dad that I don’t agree with how things are brought up, or if I should deal with it and just let them sort it (even though it occurs often).
