family situation affecting my work at university

[Guest_97906741]

hi, i am new here so not sure if i am writing this correctly but just wanted to see if anyone has some ideas for what i should do at this time/similar stories. about a month ago, my dad told my mum out of the blue (they were having a few issues in the last couple of years but nothing major, they have been married happily for almost 30 years) that he did not want to continue in their marriage. my mum was very upset and so were my siblings and i . i am currently in my final year at uni still living at home and am trying to get through my honours thesis and final placements in a health degree. this affected my work quite a bit although i was mainly able to keep afloat with putting honours on the back bench as placement requirements got higher. at the start of last week, i was starting to feel more stable and able to cope with my workload. throughout this time my parents were going back and forth on whether they were really splitting or not, with mum trying everything to get back on track and dad saying that nothing was working. they sat us down to say that had decided to officially split up at the end of last week. we were al super upset obviously and wondering what the future would look like. that night, my sibling went through his phone and found messages between him and another woman (family friend) - he had been cheating on my mum for a bit over a month. not sure if things got physical but they probably did. we confronted him and asked him to tell mum but he denied anything ever happening so we went back and forth in a really unpleasant way until we actually had to show him what we had found. i am still trying to keep up with university requirements but my honours thesis has definitely not got the time it has needed over the past few weeks. i met with my supervisors recently (who know that i have a 'situation' going on but not the full details) who said that they are very concerned about how my progression is going for my thesis and are thinking that i might not actually be able to finish on time (submission is at the end of this year). i am honestly terrified of delaying anything at uni because i am just done and want to get out of there and move on with my life. i am accessing psych support and have started the process for special considerations etc, but i am not sure much can be done in my situation. sorry for the ultra long post, just was wondering if anyone had advice or has been in a similar situation before

[indigo22]

Hello,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through at present, these big events can very easily throw our lives into turmoil. I feel for you and your siblings.

It can be so difficult to see the situation from the outside when you are in the thick of it, so I would like to give you another perspective to consider.

This situation is between your adult parents and although it is taking a big toll on you and your siblings, you have no control over the outcome and it is not your responsibility to try to intervene. I totally understand you would all want to support your mother through this, but again, this is not your responsibility. The main support for your mother should come from a counsellor. 

Regarding your Uni work that is being affected, can I suggest that you try meditating for a short while prior to doing any work, this will help with your focus on what needs to be done for Uni. What you are working on affects your future and since you have come this far, it should not fall by the wayside. In essence, what I am saying is that you can still be supportive of your mother to the extent that it doesn't interfere with your own plans for the future. Honour yourself and your goals first, whilst giving some of your time to your mother and siblings through this tumultuous time without running yourself into exhaustion.

I hope this helps and please feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo