Family issues

[Sunset_85]

Hi all,

I'm not feeling too great right now.

I'm married with a 19 month old child.

My sister has told me recently that she is in a same sex relationship. She's been in the relationship for about 12 months and both her and her girlfriend have moved in at my dad's house because they want to save for a house deposit. They are both in their mid thirties.

My husband does not agree with same sex relationships and does not wish to associate with anyone in this situation. He was brought up by his parents not to hang around people that will bring you down or not share the same family values as you, and I guess this includes same sex relationships. He has also been watching a lot of videos and podcasts of Jordan Peterson who basically sends a message to stand up for your beliefs and don't hang around people who bring you down. 

Therefore I am unable to go to my dad's house with our child, and won't be able to attend family functions such as Christmas unless I go on my own without our child.

We have been having arguments over this and I don't want it to break our marriage up because I come from divorced parents and don't want this for my child. Besides my husband and I get along except this issue, and I don't think any person is worth our marriage. 

My husband is not stopping my sister from visiting us or being part of our lives, just not the girlfriend. 

I'm just torn because I still love my family and now I'm going to miss out on gatherings which I cherish. But my husband thinks it's them that will be missing out spending time with us and our child.  He thinks we can't just accept what others do to make them happy, why can't they change their ways to make us happy. I'm just feeling a bit sad now. 

[white knight]

Hi welcome,

I watch Jordan Peterson a lot but it is dangerous to interpret his speeches. The reason is every situation is different and you would have to present to him your direct situation for him to comment. He is not homophobic, he, I think, would not promote anti gay attitudes directly. When he promotes standing up for yourself it is usually towards activists against free speech and Government laws ENFORCING people to act a certain way for example - calling people them and they instead of he or she. That is his right and his teachings are wonderful imo. 

We should all be receptive of LGBTIQ people but I understand if that takes time. I have some on my inlaw side and get along great with their partners. It's sad that your husband is so staunch about other human beings that are gay because like all people they can be kind caring and considerate people. 

As for your father, I suppose he has his decisions to make and they wont live there forever only till they get a house. 

TonyWK

[tranzcrybe]

I guess we are all entitled to think as we choose even if bigoted or narrow minded. However, this is probably not what is bothering you the most (despite being the topic of concern)...
Whatever the relevance of your husband's view, he is placing his opinion above your emotional needs (and certain right) to enjoy the company of family and their partners without judgement - at least for the duration. As such, it not them he is disrespecting, but you in denying free interaction.
I wonder what he is afraid of? If his beliefs are strong, then surely nothing could unsettle him; or perhaps he might even discover your sister and partner are delightful (and that would never do!).

Sadly, this also might pass down to your child who will no doubt carry the stigma of such beliefs.

If you could get everyone together in a 'neutral' zone, this might start to break the ice and open his eyes to acceptance, in time - I think it would do him good to decide for himself after getting to know the partner, if only for the sake of your child.