Family difficulties

gloria10 · ‎29-07-2017

For a while now I've been noticing problems with my family, particularly with my relationship with my mother. I used to think we were quite close but now I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me.

What I mean is she has been mocking me and making me feel stupid. She has this laugh like what ever I said was so ridiculous. I feel there are times she has been trying to get into a fight because she's picking sensitive issues. I think the reason she does this is because she wants to bring up something thats bothering her and doesnt know how to so this way I bring it up. I won't though because I know I'm not responsible for her. I know this probably doesn't make much sense.

I guess whats most upsetting is that I feel like I have tried everything to change the relationship; I've tried talking to either parent about what has bothered me, I've tried organising to spend time with her (something always gets in the way) and now she's putting me down thats all I can take.

I feel like the only option is to reduce contact with my family, even though I shouldn't have to. I'm just wondering if anyone else has reduced time with their family and if that helped at all? Have you been happier doing your own thing?

I am looking at trying some new things so I know it's not all bad, just a bit of a tough time. Thanks for reading though.

geoff · ‎30-07-2017

hi Gloria, welcome to the site.
I am curious as to what your father has said to you, but at the moment I'm sure it's very unpleasant having any discussion with your mum because there could be many problems that she hasn't let you know about, whether she is suffering from some type of depression and feels as though she doesn't want any social contact with you or perhaps others as well.
The point being that she is making you feel very unwelcome, so if you stay, then they are going to make you feel not wanted and certainly unloved, which I'm really sorry about, but one thing you have to do and that is make sure you look after yourself, that's your priority, but love to hear back from you. Geoff.

gloria10 · ‎30-07-2017

Thank you Geoff, you've helped me think about a couple of things, its good to get some perspective.

You asked about what my dad has said and once when I was upset with how mum spoke to me I told him and he said 'that's just what she's like'. I also remember him saying something a few months back about her worrying about everything going wrong and he just tried to stay positive.

I know she does get anxiety and I have wondered if there are some signs of aging as she doesn't make sense with some things, its like her mind is elsewhere.

Youre right that if I stay I'll feel unwanted, I guess thats why I've felt like backing away and it does help. I'm also trying to make an effort for my health for the first time in a long time and put my feelings first. Also I am trying to build a support network so I dont need to go to her if possible.

Thanks again 🙂

Mowmow · ‎30-07-2017

Hello Gloria, I have had similar experience with my own mother and in the end have found that distance is the best option for me. It is hard but in the end you need to do what is right for you. I miss my mum heaps but am a lot happier in myself without here being in my life. It took me along time to come to this discussion I am 44 and have not engaged with her for just on 2yrs.

Sophie_M · ‎31-07-2017

Hi Gloria10, as this is simialr to an earlier thread you've posted, we're going to close it off and suggest you keep talking in the original thread.

When seeking support on the forums, we really encourage members to use one thread rather than starting new ones all the time. It's really difficult for the community to keep up with your story if you have a lot of threads going at once, and you may find yourself having to repeat information if your story is spread across the forum - sometimes our members will be repeating themselves as well if it's an issue you've had previously.

Help us to support you by keeping to one thread, even if you're returning here after a period of time. There's a lot of value in seeing how someone's story evolves over time, and when facing a new crisis it's helpful to scroll back and see how you've coped previously.

Original thread:

Family living in the past