Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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cracker10 Separation, then the surprises!!!
  • replies: 18

As a background, I am 43 year old male that has been married for 4 years and living with my wife for 9 years who is 41. My wife, before I met her was divorced for 4 years and had three beautiful children. They are currently aged 21,20 & 16. We had si... View more

As a background, I am 43 year old male that has been married for 4 years and living with my wife for 9 years who is 41. My wife, before I met her was divorced for 4 years and had three beautiful children. They are currently aged 21,20 & 16. We had since had our own child who is now 6. We all lived together in a home we built together 6 years ago. We have had our ups and downs over the years but we had always worked through them, and I loved my wife unconditionally. We had just returned from a family Holiday in the USA in late January 2016, when she started to turn cold on return. I confronted her about this on the Monday morning, and asked what was wrong. She stormed out of the house. Whilst on the way to work , I received a text message saying our "marriage is over". As you could imagine my day was not one of much productivity. I left early from work and was confused and upset. My wife returned home and avoided me and just simply said "we are done and i don't wan't to talk about it". I respected her wishes and did not want to make a scene in front of the kids, and went to our room for the night and she slept in the spare room. The next morning we spoke and immediately told me that she felt unhappy for years, did not think we should have ever got married and my travel with work had not helped. I left feeling that she had just re written our history together and I was absolutely distraught. My gut started to tell me something else was wrong. There was absolutely no emotion from her as we talked. I trust my wife, and have never had any reason to otherwise. I have always believed that if I didn't have trust in my partner that I should not be in a relationship with that person, but a few of her remarks raised hairs on the back of neck. I immediately started to check phone bills for the last 12 months, and my heart broke. I had discovered she had been texting a coworker up to 100 times a day since April15. She had an emotional affair that turned physical in July 15 and continues to seem. He is 10 years her junior. Since separation we have been under the same roof for the kids but it has been hard. I have had trouble sleeping and eating and have been to doctors/phycologists. I know I need to detach and have had real difficulties doing so. The realisation of what she has done and how it had been done and has destroyed our relationship. Has anyone been in a similar situation?, and how did you handle it?

topsy_ Daughter's worry
  • replies: 15

Tomorrow my husband has a hip replacement = coping okay My daughter has discovered a lump in her breast. She has 3 children - 11, 2 & 6mths. Her Army husband is away on pre-deployment training before being sent to Afghan in June for 7 months. They ha... View more

Tomorrow my husband has a hip replacement = coping okay My daughter has discovered a lump in her breast. She has 3 children - 11, 2 & 6mths. Her Army husband is away on pre-deployment training before being sent to Afghan in June for 7 months. They have the happiest, most loving family life. This daughter is my "baby" (youngest of 3). She is an exceptional young woman (33yo). This is so NOT OK!!!! My heart is breaking. Please, I don't want to hear anything about thinking positive & then everything will be ok. I don't believe that. People don't die because they weren't positive enough about wanting to live.

Garbz Help
  • replies: 2

My partner has once again lost it at me and called it quits I need help trying to deal with this please help

My partner has once again lost it at me and called it quits I need help trying to deal with this please help

Um_Brella How do I help my husband get his self esteem back when he has lost his job?
  • replies: 1

My husband has always had difficulty getting and keeping a job due to his personality (he comes across as mildly aspergers) and a bad job market. He lost his full time job 2 years ago and has managed to get some casual work. I am mildly physically di... View more

My husband has always had difficulty getting and keeping a job due to his personality (he comes across as mildly aspergers) and a bad job market. He lost his full time job 2 years ago and has managed to get some casual work. I am mildly physically disabled but work full time to pay the bills, which is exhausting. My husband almost never helps with the housework, and it makes me furious to come home after a day of killing myself to see all of the housework. He is also not very affectionate towards me so my stress level just mounts and mounts, with no release. We have sex maybe once a week if I'm lucky, but unfortunately I find that is the only thing that helps me with my stress and chronic pain. I am at the point where I get to work and can't concentrate most days due to all of these things. So we finally got in a huge fight yesterday, and he said he doesn't help with the housework because whenever he showed initiative at work people always told him he was doing things wrong and he would get in trouble. Essentially, he feels like if he tries to do any work around the house, I will complain about it. Well how would he know, if he doesn't try it? As for our lack of sex life, he says he doesn't feel like it or he is too tired. HELLO - he is at home ALL DAY and doesn't spend his time cleaning. I don't believe that he has the confidence to chase other women but I noticed that he does watch porn on the internet a few times a week, and the videos of girls are mostly a different race to me. I still look pretty much the same as I did when we got married 14 years ago. I think his problem is that he just doesn't feel like a man anymore, but I don't know what to do about this. I am so busy working two jobs to pay the bills and doing all of the housework. I have suggested round about ways that he can get exercise like playing with the dogs or doing yardwork, but I feel like he is just watching TV all day. I have tried to get him to go to a dr but he won't, and I honestly think he is depressed because he is unemployed, and feels guilty about watching my health decline due to the stresses work is putting on me. Any suggestions for helping him? I am afraid that I will look insincere because I honestly feel so resentful that I am at work all day and he is home and somehow doesn't have time to do housework and is too tired to be intimate when I need it to relieve the stress and pain I am in.

Shooster Loneliness
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am in my 50s and get terribly lonely. I have a knack for being forgotten or overlooked. Although I have a few friends, I have never been asked out to coffee, dinner, movies...the things girlfriends do together. I am the one who rings them and t... View more

Hi, I am in my 50s and get terribly lonely. I have a knack for being forgotten or overlooked. Although I have a few friends, I have never been asked out to coffee, dinner, movies...the things girlfriends do together. I am the one who rings them and then it is just a chat on the phone, usually they are too busy etc. My friends have dinner parties, go out, "do coffee' etc. and I am not invited. There is obviously something very off-putting about me to have this effect on people. I try not to feel sorry for myself, but just get so lonely. I have 2 teenage children and a husband who has a very full social life, lots of friends who ring him, ask him out to coffee etc. I feel like a misfit and struggle to understand any real worth I bring to any of this.

Tiredeyes Newbie with Difficult breakup
  • replies: 4

Here goes i don't talk much or have any close friends in Australia i have recently broken up with my partner of 10 years who has struggled with depression and anxiety I've always been there for her or tried the best i can in bad time she tells me to ... View more

Here goes i don't talk much or have any close friends in Australia i have recently broken up with my partner of 10 years who has struggled with depression and anxiety I've always been there for her or tried the best i can in bad time she tells me to leave her or not to leave she has told me she will hurt herself if i leave her but she also begged me to let her do it she has been using ice almost everyday since February that i know of last month i threw away her drugs which made her angry so she broke up with me then which now that i think of it caused me some anxiety and depression i Havant eaten properly since then she has sad some nasty things to me which have damaged my self esteem we own a house together, car and all the things u accumulate over the years she is looking for a place to move to we are still in the same house which is very hard for me since she goes out partying, and getting drugs for herself and her friends i know shes been telling her friends lies about how we broke up but i don't want to confront her as she will just lie and get ugly we recently had a argument and the threatened to chainsaw everything in half, i am confused as to how this all happened i have been to a GP and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety i have an appointment to see a psychiatrist but thats not untill the 24th i feel pretty worthless and alone i know that us breaking up is the best thing for my own health but i am in a sad place i dont know how to get myself back up

CLC89 Dealing with a controlling dad
  • replies: 2

Im 26 and live at home. My dad has handeled alot of the family finances for as long as i can remember which has been hard to handle. I was having to ask for money to be taken out of my account if i wanted to go buy a dress or a pair of shoes or to go... View more

Im 26 and live at home. My dad has handeled alot of the family finances for as long as i can remember which has been hard to handle. I was having to ask for money to be taken out of my account if i wanted to go buy a dress or a pair of shoes or to go out for dinner with friends. When i turned 24 i bought a property as an investment and therefore all my accounts needed to be signed over to me. Having my money signed over to be was great, i finally had that feeling of independence. I decided to spoil myself with an overseas trip and some other items which i could not have bought if i asked as to my dad seemed too expensive even though i was asking for my own money! Things between us has just gotten really bad, he may not addmit it but he hates the fact he has lost that finacial 'control' over me. He threatens to go to the bank and get my accounts put back in my parents name so he can control things again. I dont know if he's trying to call my bluff or if the bank has actually disclosed my information to him (another issue in itself!) I just dont know what to do. I feel anxious and depressed because ive done nothing wrong. He feels that ive spent too much money and i have no savings, i have savings but according to him not enough in his eyes. Hes stubborn and doesnt see the effect he is having on me by tying to control what i do with my money. I believe I am an adult and should be able to live my life according to myself and not according to him. I have an extreamly stable job, im respected in my profession but i just feel trapped in my home life. Im happier when im not at home. Has anyone eles been through this? Am I being unreasonable?

Nathan36 Seperation and children
  • replies: 3

Hi am currently going through a tough time with my partner. We have a 3 year old boy and about to welcome a daughter into the world in june. We argue about the most insignificant of things and its getting worse. I am not concerned about our indiferan... View more

Hi am currently going through a tough time with my partner. We have a 3 year old boy and about to welcome a daughter into the world in june. We argue about the most insignificant of things and its getting worse. I am not concerned about our indiferances but i am concerned about how we will affect our children. I am trying to be absolutly passive when i get blamed for just about everything that goes wrong, i dont want to seperate and destroy my childrens lives and i dont want to constantly have yelling in our house for the children. Feeling stuck and dont know what to do.

Bubbles1983 Trust issues
  • replies: 18

Hi last year wheno was 27 weeks pregnant I found out that my husband was chatting inappropriately with women online. It blew up and we went to marriage counseling to try and get past it . I have had trust issues ever since and I suspect it's happenin... View more

Hi last year wheno was 27 weeks pregnant I found out that my husband was chatting inappropriately with women online. It blew up and we went to marriage counseling to try and get past it . I have had trust issues ever since and I suspect it's happening again . Despite him giving me access to all his accounts I feel he is being more sneaky this time . I also read some messages on his facebook that were sent 6 months after we were married and they were disgusting and definitely crossing the line . We we have a 10 month old baby and overall a happy marriage / family life ( or so I thought ) . He does have self esteem issues but this is no excuse . Im not sure what to do . As I said our life together is great but im sick of his lies and what some may consider as cheating . Any help appreciated xxx

Itsmejak Nothing's perfect
  • replies: 7

Hi. I'm feeling very low today. I know I have so many reasons to be thankful but I am having a hard time keeping it all together. My partner has flown off the handle saying I always over ride him in relation to parenting. My son is 4 and has had a to... View more

Hi. I'm feeling very low today. I know I have so many reasons to be thankful but I am having a hard time keeping it all together. My partner has flown off the handle saying I always over ride him in relation to parenting. My son is 4 and has had a tough time during the separation from his biological father 2 years ago. That relationship was very unloving and violent. I often feel like I'm trying to make up for past wrongs. today's a low day as my partner hasn't spoken to me for 3 days now because he is angry that I always over ride him when it comes to parenting my son. My son asked if he could call him dad and my partner said no. It breaks my heart. I feel like I keep failing all I have ever wanted is a family. My mum gave up on me and my grandparents cared for me growing up. They have passed away a long while ago and I long for a family. All I have is my son. I thought I had found someone who could care for us so I trusted him but he won't even talk to me now. We live in the same house and I'm scared that he will kick us out. My so. Has already been through so much and has overcome so much. I'm so afraid that something like a big break up will set him back. My heart is breaking but I just need to hold it all together for my son. I'm sure I've made another bad life choice putting my self out there. I feel so stupid thinking we'd found a family. Now I've just made more mess to pick up the pieces again. Just need a bit of sunshine if anyone has some spare X