University going husband is probably cheating

[Sweetdog69]

I'm 30 yo . Me and my husband got married 2.5 years ago and have a baby girl 10 months of age. My husband is going to UNI and in the first year of study. Since he started UNI , there are lot of behavior changes in him. He has secured his phone with a passcode which he never did before. Even when asked he denied to let me even touch his phone. He is outside at least 3 days a week till 1 am midnight and the reason is that , he has placements after lectures . Does placements go till that late at night? Thanks

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Sweetdog, I have no idea what course your husband is doing and what the real commitments might be . What I do know is that you are not feeling safe and secure in your marriage .

You are feeling that you are not being respected and that you can’t trust him . I think this is a warning sign that you guys need to both think about what you want from yourselves and your relationship. You have a child together and it is important for the child’s sake that you are able to treat each other with respect whilst you explore what sounds like a difficult patch.

It may be that he is enjoying spreading his wings in some ways that don’t include you and isn’t sure how to do that in a way that both respects his needs as a person but honours his commitments as husband and father.

Whatever the situation , I think it is ok to talk to him about YOUR expectations , needs , desire for security … there may be room on the table for both of your needs to be met and if not , I would suggest you get some support in exploring how to make sure that your needs are not used under the rug and the expense of his.

[Sweetdog69]

Thanks for your advise. I had multiple conversations with him , but he doesn't open up. All he says is to trust him blindly, which I am unable to while he hides his phone every day from me and has mentioned that I am not allowed to touch anymore. I don't have friends or family to support me . My family is overseas . Only one thing that is assuring in my relationship is that , he still wants to be with me and not breakup.

[geoff]

hello Sweetdog, from what you have said is that he seems to be covering up something he does't want you to know about, and after only been married for 2.5 years that is something I wouldn't expect in your primary years of marriage.
I am always a curious person as my wife was ringing someone from a public phone booth three times, so my trust with her was lost and thrown out the window, now that I'm divorced it doesn't really matter, although when speaking with her I often doubt what she is saying to me.
Trust is worth more than gold in any relationship and if there is any doubt then it has to be sorted out, otherwise any decisions that you will both need to make in the future have to be agreed on and any questionnable issues have to be sorted out, because after 2.5 years you both should be on cloud 9. Geoff.

[JessF]

Hello Sweetdog, it worries me when you say that 'at least he doesn't want to break up with me'. This makes it sound like you are willing to put up with any kind of mistreatment, even being cheated on, as long as he doesn't leave you. Is this really the kind of relationship you want, for you and your child?

[Apollo_Black]

I can't help asking what course he is doing and what placements go until 1am unless it's a bar and waiting course which I don't think requires a university degree